Nice one - farts are always funny! My only suggestion is that I would have liked to have seen more interaction from the crowd, ESP from the crowd when the faeries started dying. Maybe a few near misses leading up.
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What a great story! I do have to ask why you put the numbers in. I know it'sfor the 54 excuses but it /really/ interfered with the flow of the story. I must admit I ended up skipping over a lot of them. Something I don't think I would have done otherwise.
Perhaps you could ediit this page to include 2 versions of the story - the one without numbers and bolded phrases first (1)
That's really good. I really liked this line:
"Clyde swipes a paw in his direction and for a moment I would rather go to prison than abandon this toy lion."
I liked the way you made both the narrator and the psychologist sinister but the narrators crime ends up showing him as a victim.
Your style and ability to write is demonstrated well in this story. I do feel that the story structure could do with some tightening. The I don't like Monday's riff and scene could easily start the story off, even melded with the dog anecdote (which is an important motif to your tale). If your intent is to offer a mystery about who actually killed the girl then you may have played your hand to late.
Lastly, I'm not actually positive what happened in the end? Did the DA believe the police woman or did he get the murderess pregnant?
Like I said though you have a very nice style and some considerable skill.
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