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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tobe1987/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
Review Requests: OFF
444 Public Reviews Given
446 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am going to be working on my reviews being more thorough in the coming weeks. I am honest and love to give positive feed back.
Favorite Genres
Drama, Spiritual, Romance, family
Least Favorite Genres
Horror
Favorite Item Types
short stories
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 -4- 5 6 7 ... Next
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Review of Judgements  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
I am judging for the Try Something New contest and am sorry to say your poem has been disqualified do to not meeting the genre criteria. The month of March was to have entries that dealt with Nature. Thank you for entering however and this was a very symbolic piece. Write On!
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a good idea! And it's a good way for people to get to know each other better. I would love to join please
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello! I found this on the Advent challenge and found it very interesting. Dreams can be so real and scary and this story has a twist where the main character has awoken from a dream to be in a second and even a third one perhaps. I enjoyed this little mind twister, thanks for sharing1
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Review of The Red Festival  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello I am reviewing for the Try Something New contest. This story is one of the best I have read. It is so chilling and scary and realistic. Great job with this. Good luck in the contest.
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello I am reviewing for the Try Something New contest. I was sucked into this story. All the descriptions, the imagery was so real I could see everything you described in detail. The story line was great and how interesting the way the potion took over the people. It reminded me much of the movie The Happening. Thank you for your entry and good luck!
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello I am reviewing for the Try Something New contest. I enjoyed all the detail you give on these evil beings and how they live and work. I was a little confused on the ending of the story as I'm not sure you Angus is but perhaps his wife carries a child who can fight against these monsters? Great imagination! Write on!
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Review of Attraction Fatal  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
         Hello! I was searching the "Horror" genre for something to read for the month of October. This was a very enthralling piece and although it's rather cliche I was still surprised that she had been the one cheating on her boyfriend with his best friend.
There are a couple of things to point out.
         It would read better if you would indent and double space the work, sometimes as I was reading I would accidentally skip to the line above or below but that is an easy fix.
         In the beginning where it states they lost the game that would take them to the state game. Perhaps you could change "state game" to "state championship" so there isn't a redundancy.
         One of my favorite lines in the whole piece was "To all who were a witness, they were a perfect couple" this has some great imagery instead of just saying "Everyone saw them as a perfect couple."
         In the last paragraph it is just one big paragraph and could be broken up into smaller ones.
         Overall this was a good piece and I was rather surprised that mark killed Nicole, good thing there was no witnesses.
         Write on!
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Review of love is a swagger  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello I found your poem while searching inspirational pieces and thought I would review it. This piece is rather confusing to me. It is pretty bad of myself that I had to look up the definition of swagger because all I could think of was rap songs *FacePalm*. So, I understand your poem in a literal sense but it still does not make much sense to me.
I am by no means an expert in poetry, so perhaps this is a form I am not familiar with but the last two lines threw me the most. Is this saying that a dictator only loves himself? That I can agree with as they are never really kind and good people and are very selfish and everything is about them and how they want things to be but 'a dictator is a dictator love of swagger' I don't truly understand what the meaning is here. Perhaps a dictator is a dictator of love? If you would like to respond to my review to clarify I would appreciate it for I am genuinely curious. Thank you for you piece and I hope you continue to grow in your writing. Write on!
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Review of If I Died Today  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
         Hello, I found this on the "read a newbie" page and have some thoughts about it. As a poem it is rather short and non-descriptive which can work in some settings. I feel your point is getting across with these short lines and my favorite line is the last one yet it needs a little work. Forgive yourself for what you have become to be. If you read it out loud it doesn't make must sense. If you omit the "to be." It works better.
Thank you for putting your work out there and just be mindful that these are my own opinions and I am no expert *Smile*
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Review of Box  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello! I am reviewing this story since I saw it on Review Requests and in the spirit of the month, thought I would review a "horror" story.
I like the promise of this short story. I didn't see any real grammatical errors and your characters (Shaw in-particular) are developed nicely. The ghost/demon/creature that takes Shaw in the end I think needs a little backstory. Maybe he researches this type of phenomenon. Does the creature have a name to it? Adding a detail like that makes it more believable to the reader. Even if it is something you create on your own, the fact that it could be real makes it much more scary.
Your secondary characters have some good ingredients to them but a little description would do them good as well. Maybe his mother is a frail, small woman who doesn't have the energy to defend herself against her husband. When I think of this family I imagine them living in a run down house in a bad neighborhood and maybe there is drug abuse. If this is not the image you want to portray perhaps you should add details to that as well.
You have a good start here. Remember, its all in the details.
Write on!
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello! I am reviewing this piece for the Try Something New contest and I want to thank you for entering and for bringing a unique approach to the contest genre. This story is indeed a "birthday" story as it is the beginning of something new. I did have to go and research some of the words as this story was very foreign to me. This was a good piece with out many errors. Good luck in the contest and write on!
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Review of Asteroid  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello I am judging for the Try Something New contest and this is a nice poem however the genre for the month of September is birthday and I didn't really see anything in the poem that could be taken as such. It was a good poem though. Thanks for entering.
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing this for the "I write" contest. This story painted a picture of what the future could be like, and those are my favorite stories. I can see the buildings, half hidden by water, the streets flooded. Your characters are very believable as well. Bee, a woman who is looking for any thread to keep to connected to the past, the young photographer who could very well be interested although acts indifferent.
My favorite line was "horses looked up vacantly at the passing carriages." - This is very good imagry. I can see the horses in my mind, their huge eyes with no interest in them.
The only thing I would change would be when you say "Father’s firm" the word father does not have to be capitalized here.
Great piece and I wish you good luck in your contest!
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello I am reviewing for the "I write" challenge. The is a very sad poem about a broken love. My parents have divorced after twenty one years of marriage. I hope my husband and I can work out our differences along the way. As for your poem the only part that tripped me up was this line "Causing it to gap and weep." I think the words "gap and weep" are the tricky part. My favorite part is "Down a path Fraught with uncertainty." Aren't all paths we take uncertain? Good poem and good luck in your contest.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I will be sending more gps soon...I forgot I have to send gps to the auctions I have been participating in. I need to replenish my bank so this is what I have to spare.
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Review of New Day  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I found this on Review Requests and it is a great piece. I could vividly see this girl running, watching as the trees dropped their leaves for her and as she ran they flew up behind her. I found nothing wrong with this and your imagery is quiet amazing. You should enter this in a contest perhaps? Just a thought. Great job and Write On!
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Review of Sorry...My Fault  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello I saw this piece on Review Requests and here are my thoughts. This is a rather bleak and depressing look into the life of an average person who made a mistake and what she thought she wanted she never really did. While her mistake is a big one (years of her life and countless amounts of money), there seems to be no resolution. She is just caught in a rut and she can't seem to break free. Perhaps there could be another diary entry where she finds her light at the end of the tunnel and finds something she is passionate about.
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In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing this short story for the Try Something New contest. I am rather interested in this family and these alien people. The father, Thovus, seems like a kind man who loves his daughter , Ciria, and his many lovers. You have great character creation here and such unique names, I really enjoyed them and this world you created. As for the young girl, it is understandable that she is upset that her father is off away for so long, has other families. It would be hard for anyone to understand those circumstances but I suppose if you are born in that kind of community you would understand and it would be the norm for you.
A few comments on the technical aspects of your story. The line "...finish by latest job", should obviously say 'my latest job' and it is something easy that is overlooked. Also, try not to start a sentence with the words 'but' or 'and'. Use commas or semicolons when necessary or simply omit the words. This was a lovely little story and I hope you enter the contest again! Good luck and write on!
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I am reviewing this for the Try Something New contest! Such an awesome story. Congratulations on you and your wife having five children as well! My mother had five as well and I don't know how she did it. She was 38 when my brother was born and although he's autistic it has nothing to do with her being considered 'old' for children. I only have two boys at the moment and being 28 they wear me out.
This was a great story or perhaps I should say account of the day your son was born. Real life stories are always the best! I also love the name Wesley *Smile*. Anyway, have a great day and a great September!
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Review of Dear Jane  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I found your poem on review requests and will offer my humble opinion. Although this is a rather short piece it has a strong meaning. The title, for starters, Dear Jane. It has a meaning to me as Jane Doe, someone who is unnamed. Perhaps this poem is about whomever should come along?
As I read it over and over I see new situations each time. Perhaps this is a mother or father writing to their child as they cast them aside so dismissively. This could be a crumbling relationship as well with the line "I'm done with you." Perhaps I am looking too deeply into this, trying to find a definitive meaning when it is simply a vague piece of work. The ending gets me however, I feel is it obviously left undone for a reason, whether as a writer to get people to think or in the mind of the character who doesn't know what else to say, perhaps they are rethinking the whole thing and realize they should spend more time with the recipient of the letter/conversation.
Overall this is a good thinking piece, it would be a good prompt as well. Write On!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I am reviewing this piece as a member of the Newbies Academy and this is a wonderful piece. Last night I went on my very first 'ghost walk' and was intrigued. I am a believer of supernatural happenings and even alien life, I mean, we can't be the only creatures in the universe, right? All these stories fascinate me and I have watched many videos on youtube about unexplained photographs and videos.
I am also rather happy I read this because there were a couple of words I didn't know *Facepalm*. So, I looked them up and broadened my vocabulary (catafalque and frilobite).
I didn't know the story of Abraham Lincoln having that prophetic dream or of any of the sightings of him throughout the white house. I wonder if there are more resent accounts from former presidents. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I believe there is more to the government then they let on. Secret documents that not even the president knows about until the time comes when is it imperative he knows (aliens, wmd).
I thank you for your work and this piece, I will go look up some ghost stories now!
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In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello! I found your work on Review Requests and thought I would give it a go. In answer to your question; "does the last line make sense"? It does to me. I think anyone who had to study Tom Sawyer in school or knows anything about the book should make the connection, very cleaver.
I do have some input on the rest of the short fiction.
In the beginning the use of the girls names is a little overwhelming. Perhaps changing some of them from Sadie, to her or she would not overuse the name so much. For example the line that says "Sadie smile and clapped her hands" could be changed to "She smiled and clapped her hands, "don't you just love decorating?" Sadie asked.
For the three female characters they all have their own personalities except for Penny, she could use a little more attention. Other than that I enjoyed the story and the Tom Sawyer ending was perfect because we all know he would basically trick his friends into doing his work as if it was the best thing they could be doing. Good job and write on!
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! Since you have recently reviewed me I thought it would be nice to return the favor. This poem made me smile. It made me think of being 21 and going to the bar every chance I got and oh so many hangovers. Now every once in a while I will drink some good wine or a can of Mike's but I haven't made it to "Drunkland" in awhile. Good poem and good luck with the contest!
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Review of I know a bully  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found your poem in Noticing Newbies newsletter and I must say this is so sad. This is true for many bullies and I wish there were people who could help these kids. It's poems like these that keep awareness upfront. I had a bully in grade school but she had a rather normal life, I don't know I guess she just didn't like me but you never know what someone is going through even in their own mind. Write On!
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Review of To My Astronaut  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello I found this poem on Review a Newbie and thought I would give you my thoughts. I enjoyed this poem. It reminds me of course of NASA and how it has been disbanded. Also of the small planet Pluto that was stripped of it's planet title in 2005. Space has always intrigued me and this poem is a great comparison to the way I feel people now feel about it. Great piece.
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