Interesting premise for your poem. It reads well, cadence, etc. I did not falter. The meaning, the colonization or help from afar intrigues me and has for many years. I like the line" Now Gods and Goddesses don't live here" anymore. Maybe they will come back in time to save the planet and maybe even us!
Very cute. I totally get your feelings about your siblings. Did you mean to use the word"clothers" or is that mis-spelled? I like toses, so not sure. I love a poem that makes me smile, and yours did!
An interesting premise. I like the third section best and would be interested in an essay that explored that idea more. A few suggestions; I think World War Two is usually World War II, and even WWII after it has been stated once. I have never seen it written as you have. At the end of the first paragraph, I think "lying has been..." would be the tense to use as you are speaking of the past. My only other suggestion would be to somehow shorten up the False Prince section to get to your point sooner. It is a bit long for my attention span, but maybe that is just me. Good job! Essays are tough.
Interesting imagery. I am pondering the monsoon of lively colors idea. I like when a poem does that to me. I would suggest a couple word changes that tripped me up; maybe alone instead of "lone", and His "are instead of "is". I had to read those lines twice and still felt a blip. Great writing!
Yep, love can be confusing sometimes. At least the poet is keeping the door open to the possibilities, " don't stop...find out..." I like the ending and the beginning and the seesaw of the middle. Best of luck with your writing!
Very nice tribute. I especially like the line" to have an effect on the stubborn". We can only imagine the hurdles she overcame with grace. As poet laureate, I was proud my country got something right! May we all have small successes with our writing and "break barriers with a story to tell".
I think it is a very good first part of your query. I would suggest an additional paragraph about yourself and how you came to write your story. Perhaps your own dealings with gambling, smoking, or Hell on Earth. Best on luck, I am trying my query out in the contest, also. Not sure if I followed the rules exactly which may disqualify me, but I had my query letter written that I wanted to use. Good luck and write on!
Poor guy. Perhaps if he sold the violin and bought another, maybe not a Stradivarius, of course, but perhaps she would move onto the next player. At least she doesn't really cost him money, something a harpy wife surely does. I have read a couple crazy musician stories this week. I suppose there could be something schizophrenic about being a true musician.I feel this way about my garden sometimes. Interesting and well written. Hope this is not autobiographical~
Wow! This is an intelligent piece. Maybe not everyone's cup of tea, but I am comfortable with your essay. I am not going to piece meal it because it doesn't need it, and I feel intimidated to do so. Some people would say too many hyphens, but the short pauses to reflect are necessary, there is so much here. I can chose a couple moments of brilliance to remark upon within a very bright creation, and then leave you to write~ "Einstein is so cute- toddler cute." and "Each event...that string is random". I am not worthy~
Haven't been on WDC for awhile. Trying to stay on the task of editing and now querying. I have changed my book after attending a writing conference and hopefully all for the better. I have a query letter in the contest. My first version was a flop, now on with new hope and a second letter. I hope all is well with you, my first friend here. This is an amazing piece. So full of everything. The piano is convoluted, but not so difficult to follow as its homelessness unfolds. I haven't referred to the YouTube videos, but I am sure they are as haunting as the story they had you create. That is one amazing thing about writing for me. The voices seem to come from somewhere else...Best regards, Sara
You are on your way with your story, but proof reading would really help with future readings. There are quite a few mistakes you will catch. Punctuation in conversations are tricky, also, so look at some books to get it right. Writing is a joy, editing is a task, but each are necessary. Another problem you are having is keeping the tense the same throughout. She rubbed her eyes...looks down at the dog, see how you have started with past and moved to present in seconds. She rubbed her eyes and looked down at the dog. I saw this in several places and would make reading easier for the next critique. You have lots of work to do to polish this and I know you are going to have a wonderful story at the end. Good luck.
I liked your poem and the music imagery, but I wanted more, another stanza, comparison to music, I don't know. I feel like you have a good set-up going, but need to push yourself to do more which I think you are very capable of. Of course just my opinions and not in anyway meant to diminish what you have created. Keep writing!
Easy to read with a nice trotting cadence. I like the imagery and I can see a wet dog as I read. I wonder if the coyote never contemplates. Yes, he is mostly action, but I have looked into their eye and there is a lot going on in their heads. Maybe "rarely contemplation, I would feel better. I also wish you just said endless rain. Ceaseless may or may not be a word. Never ceasing rain, I don't know. Just endless would be easier to say. My opinions, of course, but you have asked for review. Best regards on your writing~
Wow, you have got this contest down. I am totally intimidate d to try. Very good imagery and to hook it to Wordsworth so well, I don't know. I wonder what else you write. Have you written regency romances already/ Incredible.
Very interesting. I mostly agree with you, so you are preaching to the choir. No argument here. I like the line "evolving toward being a more sophisticated and thoughtful being. Sounds like a Buddhist theory there. We can only hope. The force is already with you. Keep using it~
I Really liked this. I am so glad you followed it through instead of writing a few stanzas and thinking, that's good enough. I had a little trouble with the cadence, but I caught it most of the time. Maybe add some punctuation~ I really liked the he and she, it worked fine and familiar here. Keep up the hard work of writing!
Good Sunday morning resolve. Though full of good intentions, the couch calls sometimes. Cute! We all need a break sometime and the tone is there from the beginning, "never have to be heard..." Keep up the hard work of writing...
Whoa, I would hope the girl could find relief and not get too far into evil spirits, but that might not make a very good book. I would say you could call "the family member" dad after you have announced that fact. I am wondering where the ouija board would be in the library? Maybe a secondhand store with an interesting character at the counter when she buys it. Good luck!
This is the start of something bigger? Reminds me of bits of other's work, not plagiarism, just connections. It sounds like an official Native American chant. Anxious to know where you might be going with this, as the by-line suggests more. Good luck!
Very well written. A truthful look at aging. We do certainly have difficulty looking back at that generation when they chose their new definitions. I try to remember that when I am alone in a situation with a teen who looks like a ghoul or a gangster. Usually it is just a facade of who they think they might be, not who they are. Thanks for reminding me again! You change tenses a couple times. Another read through and you will see. Otherwise, good job!
Time heals all wounds, and hopefully the poet will grow strong enough to truly move on. Not quite there yet, still thinking "we are meant for each other", but the hurt is there and so is the anger "sucks to be you". Good job on relating an emotional time most of us have been through.
The modern "roses are red" poem is here! I think is a great poem for what it is. It reminds me of some other famous and very short poems. The sentiment is clear and no one doesn't can be mystified by the meaning. The gesture makes the girl tweet, Facebook, take a picture and Instagram, etc. You have brought an old thought into a new age. Good work!
This is good scare or worse, but it needs work. I am gonna list some correction I think you might want to address to make it even better. Hope you can foillow: mist, that (no comma) flowers, they're blue, needs comma, blue flower(s), (T)he, calm, but body posture ,and held...which walk. ,unlike Deep down ...wasn't going to happen maybe wasn't true or something else span/spun gasping rather than grasping and quick. He/it was So, now your work begins to make it even better! Good luck to you.
I have SO much to learn about modern poetry. Longtime since English class in High school! I like to hear a poem before I worry about what it says. Your "bop" has a fun cadence and a fun tone to go with it. I can just picture the author ignoring everything as the storm rolls in. I am all about it! Sara
Cute. Yes, children make us adults re-examine the world with new eyes. Their wonder and their questions form who we are. I think spatterened is supposed to be something else, patterned?" Not sure. I kinda want the ladybug to be a a female, "She could not stay..." I watched ladybugs eating aphids today! Sara
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