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112 Public Reviews Given
112 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Success  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP, and for recognition in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window. .
These are solely my opinions, and as such you may take all of them or none of them. In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: Success
THEME: An unemployed college graduate seeks his path in life.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This poor guy just can't seem to catch a break, and even when he gets one he doesn't manage to gain anything from it. Did he really need to leave his one face to face interview so soon? I think he should have questioned the successful man a little further. I am curious as to why you had him leave after only a few questions, and no real answers.

CRITIQUE: Several instances where commas should be used and they are not, as well as when they should not be used, they are. A good slow re-read and self-edit should help you find these instances (after a quick study on proper comma usage). This same process should also help you find the one HUGE GLARING TYPO that I saw. HINT: There are no words in the English language that have "=" in the middle.

REVIEW: This is an entertaining tale and a well paced read. While there are a few small errors (punctuation mostly) they do not detract from the overall story and a little polish could yield a really good short story.

FAVORITE PART: A TUCKER!!! Oh, this poor fellow. So far ahead of its time, and such a bad business move. A classic failure, and it made me laugh that you brought it into your tale.

CONCLUSION: A humorous story and a great idea, if you do re-write this please let me know, I'd love to see it again after some editing.

Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Thanks for posting this very helpful article. I find myself spending a lot of time researching the rules of proper grammar, often in the middle of my chapter, and then forgetting the mental flow of the story I had going before I stopped to research "onto vs on to". For this specific case I find that if I can say UP before the phrase, comfortably, then it is 'onto'...if I can not, then it is 'on to'.

I did notice a few missing words here and there in the article, most often a missing "is"... but I will let you re-read your own work, with this in mind, and I bet you will find them.

Again, thank you.... from a novice wannabe writer.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP, and for recognition in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window. .
These are solely my opinions, and as such you may take all of them or none of them. In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: The Legend of Uriah Johnson
THEME: A haunted spirit returns to expand his legend.

FIRST IMPRESSION: I enjoyed the flow and the narration. The good ole boy southern drawl was a perfect fit!

CRITIQUE: "October thirty-first 2008" should be capitalized "October Thirty-First 2008" I think, but I can't find any "hard and fast" rules on it that don't use October 31st...

REVIEW: If this is what came in 2nd Place I need to read the First Place story. This was great fun to read. I like a good scary story!

FAVORITE PART: Every time he "pert near" done somethin'... but I don't know why.

CONCLUSION: Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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4
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: How Did I Get To Here?

THEME: Poetry - A man wonders how he lived his life to where he is now.

FIRST IMPRESSION: As I rapidly close in on 42 I find myself asking the same questions. I realize 42 is a long way from 65, but it's the oldest I have ever been!

REVIEW: If I had the answers, perhaps I wouldn't find the poem as good. But since I too ponder the same, I found it thought provoking and self examination intense. Very good job!

FAVORITE PART: "Did I know what was to be my destination?" ... I know the feeling!

CONCLUSION: Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
5
5
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: "A Precious Stone - A Story In 21 Pieces"

THEME: Poetry, The tale of the life of an abused child, girl, woman.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is really dark. Hauntingly clear in its telling. I like the story, but not the subject matter. I hope you understand what I mean by that.

CRITIQUE: There are a few places where the rhyme is dependent on unusual pronunciations, but not too frequently to make it hard to read. In some places the syllabic count does not match between rhyming lines, which makes it hard to establish any cadence and causes the flow to stumble.

REVIEW: This is obviously heartfelt, and I feel deep sympathy for the author having gone through this. A disturbing story that I am sure that for the teller was very cathartic.

CONCLUSION: Great reading, only needs a little polishing to really shine...although its subject matter will cause it to Shine Darkly.

Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
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Review of The Future Begins  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.


TITLE: The Future Begins

THEME: Sci-Fi, A first attempt at a new technology.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

CRITIQUE: Title needs to be properly Capitalized.
"Commander Walter's, this is mission control..." - Since the Commander does not own anything in this sentence, his name should not show the possessive. "Commander Walters, this is mission control..." is the correct statement.
Vitruvius-one, Vitruvius one. You use both of these, each at different times, this needs to be standardized for consistency and properly capitalized "Vitruvius One"
There are several places where punctuation is improper, or completely missing. This causes confusion between the subject and the verb. I find I do this frequently myself when drafting new text, but I try to catch and correct them on my first re-read and edit.
Infrequent use if identifiers during the dialogue makes it easy to confuse who is doing the speaking..also look for the lines of dialogue that are missing the closing quotations.
"meteors rotations" - the rotations belong to the meteor, here the possessive is correct "meteor's rotations".
There are a few places where capitalization is missing.
"...received said your with Martech Construction" - Spell Check won't catch the wrong word if it is spelled correctly, but here you want to use "you're" meaning "you are" and not "your" meaning it belongs to you.

REVIEW: Great concept and an interesting tale, but this looks like a rough draft. A good, concentrated re-read and edit would make it a good first draft, but some clarification and re-writing would help towards being of Submission Quality. I enjoyed where this starts and look forward to reading a later update.

CONCLUSION: There are a lot of beginner errors that need to be addressed, but there's a lot of potential here!

Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
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Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: "THE LIBRARY" - A SHORT STORY

THEME: Obsessed with his education and young man is seduced, by a woman or an addiction?

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a dark tale, and an easy read.

CRITIQUE: I didn't notice any real errors, but there was some confusion towards the end.

REVIEW: I wasn't sure at the end if the woman was a real woman, or the symbol for an addiction (heroin?)... I don't know what the girl drugging the guys was supposed to be about, or why she would do it... so I think it is more of an addiction, but even that is just my own assumption.

FAVORITE PART: Any time there's a naked lady, that's my favorite part!

CONCLUSION: Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
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Review of The Sound  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: THE SOUND

THEME: What should be a proud Coming Of Age is ruined by an unexplainable sound.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a vivid story, and it was easy to put myself into your protagonists place. Reminded me a lot of a trip I took to Taos NM, where I was the only one of my friends that heard the never ending "Taos Hum"..some say it isn't real, but I beg to differ.

CRITIQUE: Only error I caught was “Lie still. I called 911.”... since his name is Jim I don't think he has an accent, so I think you meant "I'll call 911" or "While I call 911".

REVIEW: An excellent read, you have quickly become my favorite author here on WdC.

FAVORITE PART: I can relate to your protagonist, especially his inability to remember the "other girl's" name.

CONCLUSION: Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
9
9
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: A Widow Brings Light To A Mean World

FIRST IMPRESSION: A good concept for an interesting tale. Hard to read in places because the thought pattern seems to indicate that there is a lot more story here, just the author didn't want to take the time to write it. There is way more story here than there is exposition, tell your tale in full, not the abbreviated version.

CRITIQUE: Several simple errors that need to be corrected. I will list a few.
"Whose laying there?" - should be "Who's" as in "WHO IS", not as in "Whose car is that?" -
'Where was the peace she ached for, why couldn't she get it right?' - is not dialogue and should not be within quotes of any kind.
'I love you, you are worth happiness'. - IS character dialogue, and should be in double quotes (")
"...of fifty-fourth and Forest Ave." - Fifty-Fourth (ave/st) is the name of the road, and thus should be CAPITALIZED.
Several errors along this line, as well as a few grammar errors and wrong, extra or missing punctuation marks. A slow and thorough re-read and self edit should help you catch most of them, but do not rely upon spell check, it will not find wrong words that are spelled correctly.

REVIEW: Great concept, good story, but the writing needs a liberal amount of editing. Read it allowed and think about how the READER will understand it, do not assume it will be they way you intended, it never is.

CONCLUSION: Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
10
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Review of The Promise  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: The Promise

FIRST IMPRESSION: An enjoyable read and a sweet storyline.

CRITIQUE: Some of the lines have differing syllabic counts than there matched (rhyming) lines... I had to stop and re-read a few of them to try and match the rhyme, but they broke the rhythm and I couldn't carry any consistent cadence.

REVIEW: I wasn't expecting the turn at the end, when you find out who made the promise. It changed the feel completely thinking instead of the words coming from an adult male (as I am the reader) but instead from the inner voice of a child. I don't know if you intended it, but I liked that.

FAVORITE PART: It's time to come home now, Dad - While he cadence doesn't match exactly, the ending is strong and fills in a lot of the previously opened emotional gaps.

CONCLUSION: Very cool poem, I think it would make an awesome song if put to the right melody.

Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
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Review of lost  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.


TITLE: LOST

THEME: A haunting tale, self persecution? remorse? could be several things to torture oneself over.

FIRST IMPRESSION: Makes me a little lonely just reading it. While I am often a lone wolf, I do find I need a certain level of interaction to keep my sanity... or is this a never ending circle of your subjects mental state?

CRITIQUE: No typos, wrong words, or missed punctuation (although many believe it is not required to be correct in poetry, whatever)... just found one, Alone in my sin... capitalize the A in alone (or not)

REVIEW: I liked it, it's rather dark and that fits my personality. An easy read and a thought provoking concept.

FAVORITE PART: thwart the crowds. Alone in my sin. - Good clincher at the end!

CONCLUSION: Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
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12
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.


TITLE: THIS IS ME, SAYING GOODBYE.

THEME: Coping with a lost loved one

FIRST IMPRESSION: Sad, heartfelt emotion.

CRITIQUE: Only saw two, afterward is one word, not two, and so is Wherever, not where ever (although I suppose either of those is correct, not sure though).

REVIEW: While I had expected it to rhyme I was halfway through before I realized it didn't. I was immediately sucked into your emotion, very well written. I get the feeling this isn't just words to the author, but far more.

FAVORITE PART: You were a good kid, wherever you are

CONCLUSION: A sad story but a good read, well done!

Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
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Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very well done image!! I love the fantasy genre and the mental storyline I "see" when viewing this picture. I dont know what the C-Note collection is, but this is a great design for whatever it is!

Thanks for sharing this with the public. Did you draw the original image yourself?
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Review of Happy Anniversary  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful Imagery!! I like the use of layers in this image, and the blending is done so well I didn't even notice the framing at first. This would make an awesome print for a desktop frame of as a card. Did you draw the original image yourself? I am impressed.

Thanks for posting!!!
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Review of Be inspirational  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great image, great design and a great message! Clear and concise, legible and intelligent, a great combination creating one of the best images I have seen recently! Did you draw the original yourself? If yes, you are talented!

Two thumbs up!

Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!!
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Review of The Messican  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
The words I picked didn't make sense at all. I never was very good at these things, how come some people have them come out hilarious and mine just barely qualify as anything more than babble?? Oh well, I'll try one more!

Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
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Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
I had fun putting it together, but I used the wrong words and it ended up really dumb. I was never very good at mad libs, but every once in awhile they're hilarious. This one had potential, but my version ended up making no sense. :o)

Thanks for posting and KEEP WRITING!!
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Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: Emerald City Nostalgia

THEME: A dystopian look at the city of Oz.

FIRST IMPRESSION: I was confused over if this was Seattle or Oz, I never imagined Oz to even have a bar.

CRITIQUE: Good little story, but too short for its own good. I would have liked more body as I think I could have gotten into this as a longer tale. Who is "she" and what/where is her "personal Emerald City" ? One error I saw was a capital S (She) in a dialogue sentence, it should not be 'She', but 'she'.

REVIEW: Thought provoking and well written. I enjoyed reading it and wanted it to go on longer. This is good!

FAVORITE PART: Dorothy was right.... there is no place like home. Brings to mind the phrase "The grass is always greener..." with a little "be careful what you wish for"... but that could just be my imagination. Stimulate that and you'll develop a loyal fan base.

CONCLUSION: Very readable, MORE PLEASE!!

Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
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Review of Do Not Go Gently  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, my name is Tony. I am reviewing your post on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are solely my opinions, and as such, you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: DO NOT GO GENTLY

THEME: Supernatural revelations behind a child's fear of the darkness.

FIRST IMPRESSION: This is a frightening story, scary without gore, and suspenseful. It was easy to read and flowed very smoothly

CRITIQUE: Didn't find any typos, improper punctuation, or poor grammar...so nothing here to point out. Well done!

REVIEW: I enjoyed the tension created between the main character and her demons. The opening quote is strong and fits the theme very well. The "scientific explanation" was placed well and the character building worked for me.

FAVORITE PART: When I realized she was going to do it I couldn't help but say "No, don't go!!".

CONCLUSION: Great writing on a great premise! This could be grown into it's own novel, or even a series!

Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
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Review of The Army Mother  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, My name is Tony. I am reviewing your poem on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP. These are solely my opinions, and as such you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end, only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: THE ARMY MOTHER This poem deals with the usual "coming of age" ritual from the MATRIARCH'S perspective. The title fits the poem very well.

THEME:The theme is one of the conflict a mother feels between what she feels internally versus the image she is stoically trying to project. It provides the internal dialogue between her suffering and her joy. She is proud of her grown son and the adult he will become, but saddened to see her little boy leave. I am my mother's baby boy, the youngest of 3, and I can sometimes see the same in her eyes.

RHYME: The rhyme is tightly controlled. It adds to the overall feelings of this poem. I would suggest re-working the lines where OURS needs to rhyme with BARS...while a lot of people pronounce the word "ARS" I cant help but read it as "AWERS", otherwise I wouldn't change a single rhyme.

RYTHM: Tight and deliberate, it feeds from line to line in an even flow that makes this an easy read.

MY IMPRESSIONS: There is a lot of love expressed clearly throughout this poem. It was well writing and I could feel how deeply true the subject matter was for the author.

FAVORITE PART: Is not so much physically contained within the verse, but my favorite part was the picture in my minds eye of how much my own mother loves me (although I was not military, not by my choice, leaving for college was a similar experience).

MY SUGGESTIONS: I don't know the rules for poem structure, but the final two stanzas have a different line count than the first several. It read well, but the way it looks just seems a little off. I wouldn't really change it, but it just stood out when I first looked at it.

Thanks for posting, and KEEP WRITING!
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Review of Desires..  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, My name is Tony. I am reviewing your poem on behalf of the WdC POWER REVIEWERS GROUP.
These are only my opinions, and as such you may take all of them or none of them.
In the end only you know how you want your work to read.

TITLE: DESIRE This poem deals with Love, primarily with the early, strong yearnings of the Infatuation stage or young love. The title fits the poem very well.

THEME:The theme is one of yearning. It describes the author's feelings toward another and is effectively communicating this to the reader.

RHYME: The rhyme is a little clunky in places, some words need to be pronounced in a non standard fashion to fit the word into its pairing. In other places it is very good. but where it needs adjustment to not detract from the overall feeling of this poem.

RHYTHM: It was difficult to find the right cadence for reading this in a smooth flowing way. Not all of the rhyming phrases have matching syllabic structure and this caused me to pause and break the pattern.

MY IMPRESSIONS: There is a lot of emotion crammed into this little set of verse. It has a great premise and a good basic structure, but it needs to be fine tuned in places so that it is easier to FEEL the words rather than just read them.

FAVORITE PART: My favorite part of this poem is that it is more emotionally based than my own poetry. Reading the line about a heart in love desires a lot sets up where this is going very well. It came from the heart and was intentionally sincere.

MY SUGGESTIONS: The only suggestion I have is to try to regulate the amount of syllables in each verse. Reading this aloud and in a repetitive rhythm would help fine tune the overall cadence. This could be polished into a gem of a love poem.

Thanks for posting, and Keep Writing!
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Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I've know a few dogs that get the same urge! A funny little poem that made me smile inside and give my doggy some loving. Thankfully we have no cat, thus no cat box, so my best friend doesn't do this himself (but he would if we did have a cat, I am sure).

Thanks for posting, and keep writing!!
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Review of My Psalm  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
LOVE IT! It's nice to hear someone else feels that every emotion we have, every ounce of gratitude within ourselves, does not really come from US, but all of it comes from Him. Only one word I would redo, at least to see how it looks and flows, is the end of line two, "to flight"... I'd look at "aflight". Same meaning, but slightly different cadence...then again, after looking at it I might change it back. :o)
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Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
5 out of 5, and I have never heard any of those songs.
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Review of A quiz of science  Open in new Window.
Review by TProano Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
While I got a 5 out of 5, this would benefit from some kind of synopsis on the questions and the correct answers.
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