This review will be mostly technical because that's easier to express an opinion on.
Firstly: with sentence structure and rhymes you should go for flow, or go for interesting. This is a wall of four-barred clunkiness which could do with a bit more life in it.
Words don't play into each other, sentences go on for just too long or not long enough. Also, working with quadruplets only might be a bit constricting.
As an example, I tried to rewrite the fifteenth quadruplet: "With tears in his eyes, he slipped into oblivion
heavy as lead
and for it the city was sad
not over potential, not over things unsaid
instead, they lament
about the money he had, still unspent"
My rewrite is very rhyme-y, which might not be your style. It's just for showing how you could inject a little more life into this poem. Alternatively, you could go for a more modern approach and use vowel rhyme and the like, foregoing end rhyme altogether.
It seems you wanted to go with end-rhyme all the way (I might be wrong about that though.) If so, you sometimes rhyme words with themselves which, unless that's a conscious decision I haven't picked up on, isn't all that great.
My favourite part is: "Years have passed since our man came into being;
he is now weak and old.
He has spent his entire life believing,
everything the city taught was gold."
Just think it sounds nice.
Good effort, probably took a while to think of and write, I like the idea but could do with some improvements.
Now I don't know how I'm supposed to review a poll, but I guess I will.
I think the poll is slightly too vague. The question is: "To live a great life (wide definition, gigantic length of time) do you experience (Vague) or education (Also vague)
The answer is also obvious. Depending on what kind of 'great life' you want to live, the values might be skewed a bit one way or other but you still need both.
Also, who would answer 'I have no idea' or 'No comment' to a poll?
Specify more, make the answers possible more interesting would be my advice.
I've read most of this interactive so the 7500 GP would feel a bit deserved. I think I can safely say that it's a bit boring.
It's got a simple premise: Jake's shrunk. Generic, but could go somewhere. The best it gets is when aliens beam down and instruct the gang to hunt a dragon. A strange plot line which, of course, goes nowhere. A close second is a chapter line in which Jake goes and watches some television and that's it.
Which brings forward the eternal interactive problem: it's all set-up. Nobody is confident enough to make something interesting happen and the people that do make things happen really shouldn't. Smafas wrote the first chapter and then took to the road and started to live a drifter's life for all I know.
So everything is unedited and unsupervised, causing the ol' six-sentence one-option grammar-less chapters.
There are a few competently written chapters, but they don't do much to flesh out what exactly is happening. No drama, no action, nothing funny is happening (Save for the aliens asking for dragon eggs.)
So yeah, boring.
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