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510 Public Reviews Given
516 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Overall impression, likes, suggestions, positive closing. I am honored to do reviews upon request, usually on the first day 2023 Quill Winner
I'm good at...
...emphasizing positive things in addition to at least one suggestion2023 Quill Winner
Favorite Genres
Biography, short stories, all styles of poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark because I am not fond of voluntarily being scared.
Favorite Item Types
True stories and experiences
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that scares me
I will not review...
I will review anything. I have reviewed books, however, they take a lot of time, the turnaround is longer than 3 days.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Meet Again  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*


Hello Laharee,

I am happy to see a few people before me read your piece "Meet Again." I had a few thoughts while reading it which I will share. I hope you find them useful.

Your genre choices had me prepared for a story that would be about a relationship that would be tragic with someone passing away. The story seems to start in the middle of a discussion. The opening sentence is a declarative statement. The dialogue continues. Without writing out who said what at the beginning, I was a little confused about who was speaking until later it is explained she is talking to a psychologist.

I suggest you start out with using he said and she said. Or, using names would be good as well. When there is the first reply you could give the doctor's name. You referred to him once as a he. I had to go back and read several times before I could prove that.

As it is written, the piece is crowded together with only single line spacing. It makes it difficult to read, especially hard to know which person is speaking. It also would be easier to read if it was double spaced. Using generous spacing would look more appealing and be easier for the reader to process what has happened each step of the way.

I suggest you have a trusted person help you edit your work since it sounds like English is not your first language. For example, the woman's son "died in that plane crash the previous month in a school troupe where no one remained alive." It would be more appropriate to say, "died in the school troupe's crash where no one survived. In the last sentence it says "the Marie's hand" where you would remove "the."

You have a good unique story. Good job! I would like it if you could make corrections and announce it in the newsfeed so we can come back and read it again. Keep writing!

Write on!
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2
2
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*


Hello Peremos,

Thank you for inviting me to review your prose piece "An Ode to Brave Souls." I have a few thoughts I will share which are solely from one person. I hope they will resonate with you.

My first impression was formed by looking at the title, genres, and opening hook. It prepared me for prose that was going to inspire while affecting my emotions and thoughtful attention. Your hook was effective. Opening with a question is a great way to engage a reader, as it had me vested in the story.

The content contained a wealth of information supporting the message. The contrasts made it obvious to me that interactions with peoples, such as between the Palestinians and Israelites, need to be aware of how perpetuating hatred and war takes a huge toll. Working toward peace could bring many conflicts to a close.

You have a unique style which is very appealing. I compare it to the Gettysburg address. Points in all aspects of disagreements are described then admonishments follow. I felt hope in the words and suggestions that the path man is on is a slippery slope. Differences can be celebrated not persecuted. , all revolving about the need for conflicts to end. One of the most uplifting lines was for us not to be tragic players, "but authors of an epic, a tale of resilience, and redemption, of love and unity."

Your premises and conclusions are right on target. Even though I agree, I follow the guidelines for proficient reviewing. This piece is rated outstanding by me. It would make a great speech for a leader of the free world. It almost has that John F. Kennedy "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" vibe. Thank you for this timely, erudite commentary on war and possible absence of it. Great job!

Write on!
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3
3
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*

Dear StoryMaster,

I took an unusual path to land on this entry tonight, nearing the midnight hour. Somehow the invitation to "Read This; It's FREE!" has escaped my notice for the first 8 years and 4 months of my membership. I am reviewing it as part of my current red stage cycling in the Tour de Ports activity. It is my privilege and honor to provide my impressions. The opinions are of one person alone and I hope they will resonate with you.

The hook is intentionally terrific! I think the word FREE, when capitalized, gives it infinitely more power. Like FREEdom of religion, FREEdom from persecution, and FREEdom to choose. Each description of an additional benefit being a member of WdC punctuated by the mantra "FREE" was a good time. Reading on, I whispered out loud "free." My volume increased as, one by wonderful one, another free item was listed. The way the words were changed up with your commentary made for a great read.

Your writing is at a premium, not a cost, because reading your writing is free. It is visually appealing. I would recommend the next time you update, scroll down about 2/3 into the body and brighten the black text with bright colors. I love some of the neon ones! I am confident they are all free.

Some things in life come to us in mysterious ways. The good things are to be valued and nurtured to keep them healthy and strong. That is where the dollar meets the road. The adage you get out what you put in applies here.

Thanks for allowing me to read your item and burn the midnight oil reviewing it. Normally, I would fret over how and what and why I have put down these particular words, in this particular order, to give you free feedback.

I am donating gift points to my favorite groups anonymously in support of you, the StoryMistress, Staff, and everyone who keeps WdC running like a top! That will leave my gp balance down low to the point I need to purchase more. I will do that gladly!

I am gently extinguishing my candle so as not to disturb the wax. You keep writing when you can now, ya hear? Take care!

Write on!
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A clover image for the Power Group to use

PS: I shared what I just wrote with a trusted WdC member. It was suggested I "tone it down" a bit. What do you think?
4
4
for entry "The Moon " 
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*

Hi Joy,

I am reviewing your blog/book entry "The Moon" as part of the current cycling stage I am doing for the Tour de Ports activity. I left a note on the blog some of which I am placing here. For many reasons I selected this one, but most of all because it was one of the most profound experiences of my own life.

I liked the way the entire piece is written. Your first line is one of the stronger hooks I have read. I am fond of biographical stories. My first child was born three years after your son. The year of the mission to the moon was significant for my family. As it turns out, it brought us triple tragedies. Then to have this miraculous event take place was a godsend. The one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind gave me such hope.

You words expressed those emotions. The magic of your entry is taking it further to describe the richer meaning of space exploration. I concur with your premises and conclusions. The best line was regarding the moon "containing the history of space written in the language of the stars." There is such poetry here.

One suggestion would be to remove the word "Thus." I don't feel it is necessary to use to transition to your closing. There, now, I doubt I ever put "to" in a sentence three times in my life. It probably isn't grammatically correct.

I thank the moon, or any other star, or luck, or simply God for allowing me to happen by your blog entry tonight. It has blessed me in a most special way, you know?

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

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5
5
Review of Photo Images  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*

Hello HuntersMoon,

I am reviewing your photo album for a cycle racing stage for the Tour de Ports activity. This is my first ever reviewing images rather than words. I have a slurry of words to share with you.

Fantastic, stupendous, wise, hilarious, true, funny, fabulous, appropriate, not quite as nearly appropriate, and a source of tremendous joy for me. That about sums it up. I spent part of my Sunday looking at each one. I have a Kudos to You group consisting of one: moi! If I did not already have a signature for it, I would negotiate getting the blue one in your album from you.

I like the spontaneity of memes you saved and used at WdC. I didn't have to look at the date you created it. The COVID memes brought back memories of the first time I heard insidious words like "getting rid of it" by swallowing bleach and the "China virus." That is as political as I will go.

One suggestion is to please select a specific genre to replace "other" and have 3 total so more people can find your album.

You have a super collection of memes and other stuff I like. You made great choices. A couple of the early ones spurned an idea for a poem I am working on. And, I am not a poet. So thank you for that. I am finding it progressively more difficult to not discuss religion or politics with people I don't know. Not sure that makes sense, but what is perfectly clear to me is I know good stuff when I read...I mean when I see it!

Congrats!

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#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

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6
6
Review of Armchair Athlete  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*

Hi,

Back once again, as promised, to read and review. I chose "Armchair Athlete" because I am a huge football and baseball fan. Here are a few thoughts that came to mind while reading your poem.

I like traditional style poems. Rhyming a,b,a,b,c,d,c,d and so on forms a neat pattern. Your poem has rhythm. The words resonate with me as I thought of the Monday night quarterbacking, which eventually turned into the NFL Monday night football, moving the discussions of what could have been and what really happened went on sometimes into the midnight hour.

The references to Reggie Jackson and Roger Staubach brought back fond memories. My dad worked for the A's as a television broadcast engineer for one season during Jackson's decade with the team. Where have the heroes like Roger gone? What an upstanding man, Navy veteran, with the miracles he performed on the field. I watched the Hail Mary game and was told then that the he literally said a hail Mary when he threw it. Did you know he is color blind?

You could add two more genres so that more people will find it. I don't think I would capitalize shot in "Drop back, Shot gun" unless there was a period after back.

Another outstanding result from your wonderful collection. You can be sure I will drop in again to read more!

Write on!
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7
7
Review of Gennifer 2.0  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi Words Whirling 'Round,

I selected you from the yellow case group at random to do a review for the Tour de Ports activity. I selected Gennifer 2.0 which was highlighted in your portfolio. I see no prior reviews either which motivated me to read and review. I have some thoughts to share which I hope will resonate with you.

First impression: Your presentation of an 8 chapter book is superb. The large text size double spaced is heavenly for me to read. I look at genres first and was relieve to see detective noted. I am a great fan of detective novels most of all because I rarely if ever predict how a detective story ends.

Content: I liked lots and lots of dialogue. It flowed effortlessly. It takes a lot of time and attention to detail to write it all correctly. But, knowing you are a "typo savant" I didn't need to worry about any mechanical issue to pop up to slow my progress. What impressed me the best is your choice of vocabulary. Nothing there is out of character for any of your people or androids. There was the opportunity to completely imagine what they looked at, hearing what was a nasally voice, for example.

Every element of a great short story is here. I was not sure there would be a Chapter 8. The story could have ended with Chapter 7. If it did, I would be left up in the air about some aspects of the story, especially the disposition of Murph's new android. You wrote the complete story here. I felt the length was just right.

One suggestion I have is a preference to have detective selected as your first genre because it is primarily a story with the main character a gumshoe. I loved the sci-fi element, but it is not one of my primary favorite genres. Just a personal preference.

When the ending came and your newly nicknamed character went in for the kiss, I felt the touch of an element of romance that left me wanting more. Thanks for the author's note. It was an all around terrific experience. I clearly had the satisfaction of reading a long detective novel in short fashion. Thanks for that. Time permitting, I look forward to reading more of your work. Your writing is inspiring.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

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8
8
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello!

Welcome to WdC! Your story appeared in a section you can view on the right side panel titled Read A Newbie. When you first join our community we refer to you as new or Newbie. I was pleased to be one of the first to read one of your stories. Here are a few thoughts I have to share. I hope they are useful.

Your story is wonderfully suspenseful, with all the elements of a great short story. Your characters are framed as neighbors. The new ones are suspect for the way they act. The curiosity was so strong, the action of following the teenaged daughter was a natural inclination. It was very original and kept me guessing throughout. I liked the simple plot which turned out to have some fantasy and other worldliness. Terrific!

I suggest you work on editing your story. I suspect, due to a number of grammatical errors, that English is not your first language. I can help you with a few expressions that need to be addressed. One example is in the third sentence ending with "which is why no one preferred staying there." One would not say they preferred not to live there in that context. It would be stated something like, "No one would choose to (or want to) live there."

Great story! I thoroughly enjoyed it. Again welcome to our wonderful community. Glad you are here. If you have any questions just ask.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

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9
9
Review of ROY ROGERS MUSEUM  
Review by tracker
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi Magnolia,

It was wonderful to receive your thoughtful upbeat review of my story so I picked one of yours to read and review, "Roy Rogers Museum." I have a few thoughts to share I hope you will find resonate with you.

I was hooked at the title. I have been to this museum. It was neat to get another person's opinion, especially the opinion of a young boy, about the horse and. I hope he was heard and his fears and opinions were valued. Your story is imaginative and full of wonderful words.

One suggestion is your exclamation points have a space between the last letter of the word or phrase and then the explanation point. You would want to delete those extra spaces. Everything else is perfect.

Thanks for writing your story. You showed what was going on and left some to our imagination, like a complete physical description of the what the boy looked like was not needed. We did know he was short when his dad swooped him up out of Bullet's twin dog got frisky. I look forward to stopping in again to read more of your work.

Write on!
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10
10
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Rhyssa,

Your poem came up on Read & Review. The poem, "flower mart rant" is a contest entry from over eight years ago. I am honored to read and review it. My opinions are from one person. I give you these thoughts with the hope they will resonate with you.

Your poem fastidiously followed the contest prompt. The words you chose from the prompt are written in a green font color to set them apart. Your generous spattering of punctuation marks made total sense. They allowed me to process each thought, without having to go back and read again for understanding. Great work!

I would suggest you take a moment to perhaps go in and select three genres to assist people who are looking to read poetry they like with themes, as this one would be categorized. It could be selected as an editor's pick and bring new attention to it and to your portfolio.

I see no reason this is not a five star poem. The thought that went into it is original and unique. Your choice to refrain from any capital letters sets it apart from most poetry. I made me feel your independence of mind and individualist style of writing poetry.

For all the aforementioned reasons, I came away with a catharsis from the final words, "but in your rocky heart, nothing can grow." The metaphor is clear, accurate, and well taken from my reading. Thank you!

Write on!
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11
11
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi StephBee,

I am participating in the Tour de Ports activity and selected your short story, "Grandma's Computer" to read and review. I have some thoughts to share which I hope will resonate with you.

First impression: The genres intrigued me because after over a year and a half, it is the first time I was to read a piece of young person's computer technology. The description was all it took to hook me. Being a grandma to mostly boys, my imagination was already running amok before I read the first word of your story. Your presentation is outstanding with a large text size, cool & out of the ordinary font style, and great spacing. It was easy on my new and improved, cataract free, eyes.

Content: The story was showing all the way, not telling. Having been in on the ground floor of computers, I was imagining what would my computer's content reveal to my progeny. The boys were differentiated by their strengths, not physical features. I felt like I knew them and could almost hear their voices exchanging conversation.

I related on the level of being an early user of a computer, as well as in the role of a grandmother to eleven. I would hope we have an element of surprise in our grandma arsenal. I thought beyond Dad's last comment, "The Great American Novel" and pictured Dad and/or the boys on a whirlwind book signing junket with the great novel with its record breaking book sales.

Suggestion: In the sentence, "The screen flickered a couple of times and then a massive blast of ones and zero’s flashed." The plural of zero is zeros without an apostrophe.

Thanks for writing a story with likeable characters, an original plot, and satisfying closing. It contained everything a great story should be including leaving me wanting more! Great job!

Write on!
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12
12
for entry "Hopeless" 
Review by tracker
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Amethyst Angel,

I am happy to review your rhyming poem, "Hopeless." I have a few thoughts to share with you that I hope you will feel helpful.

I read your poem with enthusiasm. I liked the rhyme and rhythm. Each line contributed to the theme of keeping things inside that can come out but still not explain the thoughts at hand.

I was pleased with part of the presentation which was the larger text size. My suggestion would be to double space between every four lines. I did not have a chance to pause and process a small part of the poem at once. The poem has one period at the end. I suggest you look again at that style and think of the reader who may be, like me, out of breath at the end.

Thanks for writing this entire opening, body, and closing in 100 words. That is a difficult amazing feat. Congratulations for entering this Newbie contest. Getting as much practice writing on a regular basis will improve all aspects of your writing experience.

Write on!
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*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*


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13
13
Review of Brown Hat  
Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi QueenNormaJean,

Happy 19th WdC Anniversary! That is a long time to enjoy our wonderful community. In honor of your special day, I am reviewing "Brown Hat." I have some thoughts to share with you. These are the opinions of one person. I hope they will be useful.

First impression: I liked the way you presented your story with a large text size with clear and concise words. It was a fun biographical story to enjoy no matter what direction it went.

Content: The story of the brown hat was interesting to me. The fact one cowboy hat lasting all those years is a testament to the sturdy way things were made decades ago. The development of the main theme of the program moved at a quick pace. I could pause and reflect or process the happenings with the shorter paragraphs. I commend you for taking a simple premise and making it memorable.

Suggestions: I would like to have a brief explanation of what the story is about where you have your note about flash fiction. Your third genre selection is "other." To attract more readers, I would change that to a more specific genre. In the narrative you have three qualifiers when he "bought the ranch and." There should be a comma after ranch. The last sentence says the second "rest" in the line should be rested. Better yet, use a different work that rested because you already used the word earlier in the sentence.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. What a fond and endearing memory. I enjoy your writing style which as if we were talking over coffee and you told me the brown hat story one on one. I was left wanting more.

Write on!
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" *SuitHeart*


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14
14
Review of Cat's Eyes  
Review by tracker
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Hello Max,

I selected one of your quatrains to review, "Cat's Eyes." I am a "cat person" so it was inevitable the word cat caught my eye. I am familiar with your novel and writing style encompassing your short stories. I noticed a couple of Awardicons on poems and here I am. I affiliated this review with the activity Tour de Ports I am currently involved in. I have a few thoughts to share with you. I hope they resonate with you.

First impression: My eyes were drawn to the note before the poem. It prepared me for what the make up of the poem would be. Although not a rhyming poem by design, I did detect a rhythm which was one long read of the 22 syllables and the rest.

Content: I say truer words were never written. I probably have at least half a dozen favorite quotes about a cat's nature, many lauding their superiority to humans. One of my three cats has me trained to do his bidding. The nice thing for me, the reader, was I wasn't sure were the plot was going until the last. How you can develop an opening, body, and closing so effectively is a tribute to your expertise.

Suggestion: You have three genres to entice readers of this kind of poetry to seek out a quatrain. "Other" does not give much of a clue, none if you think about it. I will leave it up to you which ones to add.

Kudos to you for a poem true to its style with a point well taken. Time permitting I would like to come back and read some more. Keep writing!

Write on!
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15
15
Review of To Robin Williams  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hello Web Witch,

Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary. In honor of your special day I am reviewing "To Robin Williams." I have a few thoughts to share with you. I feel certain they will resonate with you.

I adored every single thing about Robin Williams. His comedy first, but beyond that his respect for life and loyalty to his San Francisco hometown. I have his quote, "Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be Kind. Always" in my portfolio description. Nothing else. His quote sums up my own view of life.

Your rhyming had rhythm that felt like a song as I read. It was a song I played over and over. First silently, then out loud several times. Robin's humor was in his directness and the pace with which he delivered his lines. The magic was snuffed out mercifully at his own hand. What courage it took to anticipate a bad outcome. I would rather he had moved to a state allowing him to die with more dignity. I found out from an online diary friend that the entire country of Canada allows ending life on your terms. If he felt he had no choice, no viable future, I understand and approve of his method.

I can still see the appearances I looked at after his death. From the long black hair on his arms and chest, to his goofy look of one who knew he was funny and laughed at some of his own jokes.

Suggestion: The genre news was good at the time of his passing. I would suggest that one be changed to entertainment since he was an entertainer. Unless, of course, you don't find that or any change appropriate.

I share your sentiments in your poem expressed with a fabulous rhyming rhythm. The words you chose condensed a life to few lines/words which were just enough to represent your feelings. I appreciated what you created here. A loving tribute to a one of a kind person!

Write on!
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16
16
Review of Ragged Insomnia  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Hello Amethyst Angel (aka Wolf Angel),

I am please to provide you with a Happy 1st WdC Anniversary review. I have some thoughts about the poem I selected "Ragged Insomnia." These opinions are solely from one person. I hope they are helpful for you.

First impression: The presentation using orange color made me think of Halloween. As I began to read about the artist Dan Reynolds, I thought it may be the color scheme of Imagine Dragons. It impressed me in a positive way. I read the genres and as a music lover, playing the piano since the age of four, I zoned in on the music genre and knew right away I would like the piece and was sure to learn something as well.

Content: You free verse poem told tons about Dan's life, beliefs, and struggles. Your descriptive words felt honest and empathetic. I share those emotions. When you can emote that kind of response, you know you poem is a success. I especially liked the way you drew the audience in with your words beginning with "Learning to move on, to grow" were universal steps in life. Again this made Dan's life add up to a stand up guy.

Closing: Your words spoken directly to him summed up not only your piece, but also his memorable traits. I was thinking, when you mentioned Imagine Dragons, how nice it would be to include one of their songs. Soon, I scrolled down and there was the embedded song. The link to his Wikipedia biography was an extra wonderful touch. I did follow it and learned more.

Suggestion: I think you need to break the piece up with some double spacing between each finished thought. As a reader, I was holding my breath as I tried to absorb and process all the information while reading on with about two commas and two periods. I would break after lines 4 and 8, and then as you see fit falling at the end of a thought.

Again it is wonderful you have been at WdC a year. Receiving a yellow case that quickly is proof you have immersed yourself in the community as you have done at your Genius website. I noticed you are number one on their list of achievers. Keep on doing what you are doing. Time permitting, I will return to read more from your portfolio.

Write on!
tracker
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17
17
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi ruwth,

I am responding to a note about your piece and am affiliating it witi a current activity I am participating in called Tour de Ports. I have a few thoughts about "~My Spanish Excursion Experience~" to share with you. They are solely the thoughts of one person. I hope they are useful for you.

First impression: I noticed the drop note first. I expected it to be a reference to a contest with a word count. Instead, as was stated clearly, it is an author's note. There is a big difference and I looked forward to reading it before starting on the body of the story. Next, saw there are five sections noted at the start. Congratulations on preparing something extremely well organized. The title hooked me. I have a couple of semesters of Spanish under my belt and was curious about your experience.

Content: Yours is a terrific, chronological true story about seeking becoming fluent in reading and speaking Spanish. The rhetoric is appealing as you explain why, where, and how you executed your plan. I liked the separate titled portions of the whole. It helped me absorb and process each step of what happened. You answered every question I thought of while reading. It is complete and with a lot of details it was clear where you were at the beginning and where you are now.

Closing: Your closing was humorous which I liked. The piece is intense with feeling the need, over so many years, for you to accomplish your goal.

What I liked: I liked the organized fashion in which you told your personal story. The descriptions and actions of the members of the churches you attended was something new for me. I like to learn new things when I read an autobiographical piece.

Suggestions: One word needs to be corrected. "I choose a small church" should be "I chose a small church." For me, the author's note made sense, but the average person would not know what Habit Heroes is, nor be privy to the reason you noted that. Although I loved all the details, as a reader I might see opportunities to make it a bit shorter. Since you provided an author's note referring to the length being more than 50 words, I would suggest putting the word count in there as well.

Thank you for sharing your story. In my area, being close to the border with Mexico, many people speak Spanish. It would be nice if you had someone you knew who knows the language so you could practice it often. With that in mind, I locate an opportunity to practice with native speakers as well as others learning daily online Spanish classes. Try beepbop.com. You have a wonderful presentation that made it well worth the time to read and learn about your goal. You wrote for one of my favorite genres. I always learn something about a person, their area, or some facet of their life I was not familiar with. Continue to write on!

tracker
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18
18
Review of reading feelings  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello Nabi,

Welcome to WdC which is how we abbreviate our wonderful writing site. I am reviewing your poem "reading feelings" as part of a cycle of the Tour de Ports racing activity. I will leave you some information of welcome in your notebook today. I have some thoughts to share with you about your poem. Remember, they are from one person alone. I hope they will resonate with you.

First impression: I look at the genres first to prepare me for what to expect in your work. It sets my mood, so to speak. Yours fit your poem perfectly. Good job! I noticed no separation into distinct stanzas which told me it was a free verse poem. I like them because they read like a short story.

Content: I felt emotional for the way your love story faded out. There always seems to be a winner and a loser when this happens. It depends who you ask. Beseeching help getting over it from the very person who caused it was painful to read. Stimulating these emotions in me was a sign your poem is successfully composed. The lines starting with "Your empty promises" brought the most emotion in me because I could relate on a personal level.

Suggestion: Although it was effective, having only one break with punctuation of the three periods, was a bit hard to process the high intensity of emotion. It is only a suggestion you look to see if there is anywhere in it to put a comma so the reader can take a breath.

This is truly an inspiration and emotional telling of the hurt and intense pain you were going through at the time. I can tell you are already a gifted writer. Welcome again to our special, caring, and all inclusive community. I know you will enjoy it and start creating special memories.

Write on!
tracker
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19
19
Review of "Hello"  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Jaddlesse,

Welcome to WdC. That is the way we abbreviate our site. I found your story at a section we call Review a Newbie. That is what you may hear yourself referred to you when you join our community. I will leave you information on your notebook as a way of welcome. I have a number of thoughts about your true story "Hello" which I will share with you here. They are the opinions of just one person. I hope you find them useful.

First Impression: One of my most favorites are true stories. There is such a wealth of family situations. I happen to be a genealogist here in the US so the search for your father was of great interest to me. Your title made sense to find out the difference was brother and sister. I liked that tie in.

Content: Your story is well written with a logical progression of the way things happened. From the room "Inclined to be stuffy in the summer's heat" to the chance inquiry of the Salvation Army person, the story moved along at a good pace for me. Yet, all the details are there so I came away with a clear and concise back story to finding out what happened to your father and the fabulous opportunity to know and meet your sister.

Suggestions: You have a piece which is mechanically perfect. I read you had published before, so that was a plus. With our format, it is helpful to double space between paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes to read, as well as process the information in smaller increments of paragraphs. I tended to rush through waiting until the end to feel it was okay to take a break.

Great first story, jaddlesse. I hope it gets a lot of attention. Our members generally look for the genre they enjoy reading. Looking at your genres genealogists will be drawn to your story. You have the opportunity to select a third genre which could be "biographical." I look forward, time permitting, to read more as you post more of your writing. You will see some logos of group activities above and below your review. There are many groups and activities to check out and participate in, if you are so inclined. Welcome to the neighborhood!

Write on!
tracker
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20
20
Review of If I Could Fly  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Jake,

I followed your link from Newsfeed. The title "If I Could Fly" was too tempting to miss. I was happy to read it and have a few thoughts to share with you. I hope you find them useful.

First impression: The genre of travel had me looking forward to someone flying somewhere on a magic carpet. Perhaps he saw the movie "Aladdin" sometime in that early young man stage. Add in the fantasy and it could be any kind of transportation, real or imagined. I noticed the poem style with two lines then double spaced to the next two line. My eyes thank you for the huge text size.

Content: I feel like the protagonist in your story had high hopes to fly sometime in his lifetime from the time he was young. From his sinister dreams it may have been an escape plan to get away from whatever bad occurrence that was in the cards for him. Waking up alone is significant. I took that to mean the fantasy of the haunting to be righted by the flight would linger when awake. In fact, the entire travel took place solely in his dreams.

Suggestion: I believe you did not want a forward slash (/) at the end of the line, "And he went out/." The remainder has no concerns. I also suggest you replace other with another specific genre to increase the chance of more readers being directed to your poem.

I liked reading a little bit of escape poetry. I don't run across many fantasy pieces, but may look for the genre in the near future. I consider you an accomplished poet and enjoy reading your works very much.

Write on!
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21
21
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Sum1,

I am reviewing your memory story, "Learning to Play the French Horn." I have a few thoughts to share with you which are the views of just one reader. I hope they will resonate with you.

This true story is delightful. A happy reading experience. The way you came to play the instrument, and why it was a lesser known one, being based on having a girl crush sounds par for a person of that age. Being in the school band is hard work. I was not in one but my daughter played the flute her Freshman year of high school. I perceived her group of band friends to have the closeness and comradery of a family. The band director of hers was strict when it was time to perform, but aware of the importance of group activities off the field. Learning to march with precision each week during football season took a lot of dedication to attend early morning practices. I am sure you understand how that goes.

Your narrative is informative and reveals some hopes and dreams as you progressed through high school. I play piano so band was not to be for me. I particularly liked your forthrightness in telling us reasons your French horn days were over. Playing an instrument is a great joy but can steal more time away from you than is available.

The piece is mechanically perfect. Great job on both the success of the story as well as how well it is written grammatically.

Thanks for sharing your story. Time permitting, I want to read more memories. Truth is often better than fiction.

Write on!
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22
22
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Hi Jeff,

I am reviewing your flash fiction story "Clandestine Services" as part of a requirement for the Tour de Ports activity. Before I review the story, I commend you for the way you have organized your writing. Your action saved me a good half an hour it would take to find something to review. I wanted something recent, so this April story is just right. The following thoughts I will share of mine alone. I hope they will resonate with you.

First impression: The genres gave me a clue what I would be reading. I zoned in on comedy. The recent reviews completed were serious so you can imagine my delight when I saw comedy. The characters were performing an activity that held an element of mystery that had me guessing the ending midway. (No, I did not figure it out).

Content: The narrative was believable. The dialogue seemed fitting for two guys to be doing something clandestine. We knew just enough about the seasoned pro and the newbie to let our imaginations fill in details such as what they looked like and who they were. Burglars of the white color kind was my guess. Everything was clear, who what where when how, except the why. The why was unexpected, clever, and fit all the actions I surmised differently.

Suggestion: I think the genre Adventure would be a better fit to attract readers than the genre Activity.

This is an outstanding example of flash fiction that tells a complete story in just under the 300 word limit. I like it was 298 words making the maximum use of the words allowed. Great job!

Write on!
tracker
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23
23
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Come ride with us!

Hello Olivia,

Welcome to WdC. I am glad you are a part of our community. I found you poem in a section we call "READ A NEWBIE." My review is part of a challenge I am participating in which is why you see the activity "Tour de Ports" at the start. I have some thoughts to share with you that I hope you will find useful.

First impression: Non-fiction stories reveal how lives are touched by the people in them and/or their environment. When the first two sentences rhymed, I thought it would be a rhyming poem. Reading further it is free verse. I noticed it was single spaced with punctuation to advise me when to pause.

Content: Your poignant poem touched me. How discouraging to feel like a pawn in a game. The ones you rely upon for basic food, shelter, and housing are also the ones you turn to for love and nurturing. I read the poem a second time and noticed the line "Trying to fit me into their new families and lives" gave me the impression you were adopted.

Suggestion: I think the piece would have more impact with double spaced breaks every two lines. It could have helped me process the impact of each successive, dark characteristic revealed. Repeating "I can't remember" made your situation feel more dark and gloomy.

Overall it is a wonderfully constructed poem about a not so wonderful life experiences. As I close, I am not sure again if these were parents who thought so much of each other, having children was something to show and tell. It may have been to fit in with their friends or get acceptance from the family.

I am sorry for what you went through. I hope you have been able to reconcile in your mind so you know that it was them and not you. As a child you are not responsible for the parents' treatment of you. I know there are parents out there from reading about them and I am sad that yours were one of this kind. Thank you for sharing such a hurtful childhood memory. Keep writing and we will keep reading.

Write on!
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24
24
Review of Monkey Business  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Ned,

Your story "Monkey Business" appeared on Read & Review. I have some thoughts to share that I hope will resonate with you.

First impression: Your cover art, bright primary colored balloons, brightened the page and drew ne into the tory. The larger text and font style were wonderful as it was easy to read.

What a talented storyteller you are! I related to the monkey because it reminded me of the monkey in the movie "Heidi." The antics you described were planned as part of the all important act. As you pointed out, the monkey was part of the how. He was not harmed in the process of entertaining children. "Who doesn't love a playful, little monkey?" The best line was the Animal Welfare guys lacking "finesse."

I suggestion you take a moment replace the genre contest entry and change it to one where additional readers may find it. Another genre may also have your piece as a source for an editor's pick in a newsletter.

Reading the story with the underlying message if it ain't broke, don't fix it was time well spent for me on a Saturday afternoon. If I was a teacher, the grade on your story would be an A+. The maximum here is 5 stars which is deserving with your flawless piece. Bravo!

Write on!
tracker
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25
25
Review of Monkey Business  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ned,

Your story “Monkey Business” appeared in Read & Review. I am pleased to review this delightful story. I hope my thoughts resonate with you.

First Impression: Your cover art, bright primary colored balloons, brightened the page and the picture drew me in.
The large text size and font style all invited me to relax and jump in for the ride.

What a talented storyteller you are! The monkey I related to was the one in the movie “Heidi.” The monkey’s business was to put on an act as part of a polished duo. He was not harmed. In fact, the positive reactions of the audience would do a lot to contribute to his self-esteem and self-worth. The pinnacle of the underlying theme came when the Animal Welfare guys showed a lack of “Finesse.”

Mechanically, your piece is flawless. May I suggest now that the contest has concluded, replace the genre from contest entry to another for more readers to find “Monkey Business.” I enjoyed it immensely.

Write on!
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