There are some lines that could be merged I think, like "and here I am, falling for you yet again!" or "tearing me apart, just like the rest!" Other than that, you have a pretty consistent flow. The grammar and punctuation seems good to me. I love the emotion that you showed in this piece. Thank you for sharing!
I feel like this was written quite oddly... The only way I can think to give you a review is to write it as I think it might be seen correctly. "This is my thought, my theory: Some highly-intelligent humans use their wisdom to possess a preponderantly kind, empathetic demeanor. They use this to disguise themselves from others." I am not sure if this is what you truly meant by your words. It is an interesting thought. Thank you for sharing.
The wording in this can be a bit strange at times. There are a few errors in the flow, the spacing seeming odd and random. However, I like the message you are trying to portray. Thank you for sharing.
You could stand to use some more details between each speaking part of this piece. There are a few grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors as well. The names are mentioned really often, such as saying that same name in the same sentence more than once. I hope this helps with your future writings.
I feel like "vampire dreams" is repeated too often. Maybe you could've found other words to describe "vampire dreams" as a term and replace it here and there, so it wasn't quite so repetitive. However, I really like the words you used between. I see a few punctuation and grammar errors, but other than that I like this flow.
This is a lovely piece, but I do see some grammar and punctuation mistakes. Some sentences could be worded differently to flow better, but I really love this topic. You wrote about it very well, and it is easy to understand what you mean from your stand point.
I would recommend more punctuation in this piece. There are a lot of random capitalization, maybe if you added more spaces where those are, it would flow a little better. However, I really love the emotion in it. I hope you feel better.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tristopher
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 12:05am on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
