Didn't you take some of that from a song? Anyway i liked most of it but the ending was a little wierd. I can tell you have a lot of potential but this didn't show it. Keep on writing and make sure you don't take anything form songs i can tell ur good!
This was a nice feeling poem. I can tell that you put your own experiances and feelings into writing this, that is the best thing to do when your a writer and i hope you continue it. I think you should also try some other forms of poetry. The word at the end of the line that goes with the next one can sometimes get too repetetive. Keep on writing!
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