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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/turbulent
Review Requests: OFF
14 Public Reviews Given
14 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Harsh but fair - though generally encouraging. I will be critical. I tend to take one point at a time and suggest corrections it as an example before relating it to the work as a whole (though I will also fully review the work as a whole). I do also take the good points of the writing style and story and say why they're so good and how you can utilise them better. I am also willing to suggest ideas /directions for potentially furthering a story and highlight the problems you could encounter later on.
I'm good at...
I can fix grammar. I can discuss ideas and I am a university level science student so I can discuss technicalities in a magic or sci-fi system (I'm a smart guy).
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Mystery, Sci-fi, action/adventure, paranormal, etc.
Least Favorite Genres
Eh, I think most things can be interesting to read, even if I don't immediately like the context.
Favorite Item Types
short stories, novels, books
Least Favorite Item Types
diaries
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by E Duckworth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Ok, some minor adjustments need to be made, for example:

The sun was setting, painting the fields of wheat scarlet red. Brent stood for a moment and reclining on his scythe AND swept his brow. Another day of honest work came to an end. This was the toughest job he ever did, but he didn't complain. He would soon be home with his beautiful wife and his amazing baby. Him, a father, who could believe that (QUESTION)? All this (NO COMMA) was more than he could ever hope for. In a nutshell Brent was happy.

Etc. (Don't worry just needs a clear proof read to correct the grammar and spelling. Try reading it out loud and see if it sounds right)

Otherwise, seems an interesting read. The idea of a man who's completely given up his old life is strong. Though I did find the constant switching of names confusing. Perhaps divide Dreminor and Brent's thoughts into separate paragraphs or something?

Keep on writing!
2
2
Review of The Lamp  Open in new Window.
Review by E Duckworth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I like it. Its nice, leaving you more content with the characters hopes and innocence that frustrated with their stupidity.

Still I feel some of the key moments could have been paced or expanded upon a little better. For example: ""Is that your wish?" The genie asked in such a way that made Jenna wonder why he was locked in the lamp in the first place." Is pivotal moment and I think the genie could have been made to sound suddenly far more sinister. How did he say the words exactly? Was he doing anything as he said them etc. The grin and pointy teeth and "That is no concern to you" add to the effect but I feel it would have been a better moment if more had been described.

Thanks for the read. Keep on writing!
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