That was deep. I think rather than a poem, this could be a few verses in a song. I caught 1 grammar mistake; in the 3rd line of the 1st stanza, you forgot to capitalize the I, same thing on the 4th stanza, 2nd line. Also, I think the title wasn't very fitting. It could have been "Broken Forever", or maybe a shorter, deeper title: "Betrayal." Y'know, something that will capture the readers attention.
Also, a few verses didn't make sense. "Let's leave no words unspoken," and "and let regrets fill everything" didn't make sense in the stanzas in which you put them. but like I said, it would go great in a song. Overall, this is a gr8 poem. I'm curious though, it this your 1st poem? If it is, it deserves higher than the 4 stars I'm giving. :D
Cheers-
Little_Lambie, the reviewer.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:25am on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "