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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ultracircle
Review Requests: OFF
11 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'll give you my basic thoughts-- I'll tell you what I like, what I don't like, and how well the story flowed, etc. I won't beat up your writing or ego; i'll just give you some pointers.
I'm good at...
World building/ character development
Favorite Genres
Action/Adventure, Fantasy, Dystopian/Utopian... Sci Fi..
Least Favorite Genres
Poems, life stories, non fiction
I will not review...
there's nothing I absolutely won't review, but i am better at the genres is listed under ones i like.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Takari Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ooh! This is a really good chapter. Lots of suspense and good dialogue. There were a few grammatical errors, just at the beginning. I would suggest a quick read-over. Great work!
2
2
Review of PK Chapter 1  Open in new Window.
Review by Takari Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a very interesting plot! I've always loved reading greek mythology fiction, and this is a super fun spin, especially because apparently vampires will come in later. I'm interested to see how that will work... :) There are a few grammatical errors, e.g.
This night, however, the only the box could console my troubled thoughts. I must discover what was in the box!
The sentence is a little awkward, and disrupts the flow of the story. I would suggest a quick read over to fix those little errors. All in all, though, it was awesome!
3
3
Review of Prologue  Open in new Window.
Review by Takari Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I think it's an interesting start-- definitely makes you interested in what's going on. Your main character seems to be just a little unrealistic--- just because in a situation like that, their thoughts wouldn't be so clear and concise. Your description of the villain was very nice, but a bit extensive. Just stopping the story to explain all the details of his appearance doesn't help the flow of the story-- it kind of disrupts it a bit. Add the details of his appearance gradually, things that you would note in the situation, not every detail just plopped down. HOWEVER, it was a very good prologue and I think you could make it into a pretty dang good book. :)
4
4
Review by Takari Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow! This is really, really good, and I love the idea. It's unique, and entertaining. Munnin Samna is a really interesting character, and I think you got it exactly right. The writing itself is also very impressive, and I wanted to keep reading. This'll make a great book some day! I did notice that when you switched to the Wanderer's perspective, there were more errors, especially in tenses. His character doesn't flow quite as smoothly, especially coming from Munnin Samna. However, he's still a very good character, and this is easily one of the most interesting plots i've ever read. Awesome job!
5
5
Review by Takari Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
This is a really nice plot idea, and a creative story line; it was a fun read. There were some confusing points; I didn't understand the setting, or why all of them randomly had powers, and were in death camps, etc... Of course, this is a prologue, so you can probably explain all that in the coming chapters. I could connect with the characters reasonable well. Basically, It could use some help with being smooth-flowing and making sense, but I really like the plot and it's a good story idea. :)
6
6
Review by Takari Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow. This is amazing! Most of the vampire novels I read are just silly love stories that people wrote as a result of twilight, but this is really good! Even after two chapters, I can really connect with the characters. It's exciting, entertaining, and I wanted to keep reading... have you wrote any more? I did think it was a little weird how Joax suddenly appeared and told her his life story and started crying... it was helpful to develop his character and their relationship, and explain stuff going on, but it was a little sudden. But I really, really liked this story!
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