This piece is thoroughly beautiful. I enjoyed the dreamy feel of it, and the fairytale style of it all, that detached me from reality, as a form of escapism. There was a good balance of love, fear, anger and loss, with a colourful mixture of intense emotions that you packaged subtly.
The good use of language contributed to enhancing the daydreamy feel, which takes a person back to Cinderella's time, but instead of saying "His singing was so good,..." you could have said something like..."He sang so well,..." or instead of saying, "His beloved was moved by this statement..." you could have maintained the old way of speaking by saying,"...moved by his words" or "...moved by his gesture..." amongst other tonal inconsistencies.
I have read you other piece, and the same theme of dark hatred and fury still resonates. Such emotions can only be feulled through hurt, and it would have made a good balance for the reader, to not only understand your fury, but to also get a glimpse that shows that this darkness comes from a vulnerable place too.
When one is heartbroken, there is more than anger that goes through their bodies. There is always a sense of regret, a sense of fear, a sense of being lost and a sense of mourning, not just bitterness. And, maybe for the sequel to this piece, these elements can come through in order to give it some realism as well as an element that makes the reader relate to what you're writing about.
Chilling! Your writing is good, there is no question about that, but the subject at hand was frightening, to say the least.
I enjoyed and appreciated the change of mood, from what promised to be love and romance, which turned to the opposite... fear and hatred.
Although I was afraid to reach the ending, I couldn't stop reading in order to find out how it would end. This piece was gripping, worrying and deliciously vile.
What helped me get through it, in one piece, was the clever use of humour to soften it's groteque overall feel. And, it illustrated the almost identical natures of love and hate, and how one can destroy the very thing they love.
Well Done. The piece was disturbing yet entertaining.
The anger in the poem is shamelessy expressed, allowing the reader to empathise fully as we have all felt these emotions. It leavs the reader with the notion that the writer considers oneself a victim. The peom could use some liquidity neutralise the stilted areas. A use of descriptive language could have given the reader a better sense of the intensity of the writer's thoughts and emotions, but with that being said, there is no mistaking that the writer is on the verge of retaliating against the wrong that has been done to him/her.
I feel that the writer was holding back, and could have dug deeper into the hurt.
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