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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/unremarkable
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14 Public Reviews Given
24 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Long Way Home  Open in new Window.
Review by howunremarkable Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
What a nice, clever read. Your character is instantly likable, and the piece reads quite smoothly. It entertains and offers a sense of familiarity that makes it easy to relate to.

A small suggestion for the first paragraph...

"I was watching his hands move almost wonderingly. He concentrated on his hands."

The use of the word hands in consecutive lines seems a little redundant. Is there a way to mix it up a little bit so they aren't so close together?

Overall, this piece was really fun to read. You have a knack for this style of writing. I am a big fan of these types of stories--bordering on being plot-less (in a good way!) with emphasis on character development. I look forward to seeing more in the future!
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Review of Not Me  Open in new Window.
Review by howunremarkable Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note* First Impression: This piece has an interesting description.

*Note* Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling

*Bullet*Overall Score: 5 STARS

*Note*Specifics:

         *Cut* You opt to eliminate almost all punctuation (contractions being the exception). Because you do so consistently, I gave you five stars since I noticed no errors.


*Note*Comments

         *Check1* Your subject matter is intriguing and leaves room for personal interpretation.

         *Check1* You have several quite memorable lines. I was particularly impressed with the final two: "the melancholy mistress/of the truth which never ends" Very interesting.


*Note*Suggestions

         *Idea* Do consider playing with punctuation. I can see some areas that might benefit from it. For example, you could offset the word "father" in the fourth stanza to add effect.

         *Idea* A few of the stanzas seem like they could use a little more attention. Stanza four lacks the same strength that the others do, and the one following it has a fifth line where every other only has four. Consider tightening up these so that the poem keeps its flow.


*Note* Final Comments: The piece is thought-provoking and enjoyable to read. With some minor editing, it could easily be a very impressive poem.

*Note* Score: *Star**Star**Star**Star*
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Review of The Publisher  Open in new Window.
Review by howunremarkable Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note2* First Impression: Intriguing description. First few lines find me interested already.

*Note2* Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling

*Bullet*Overall Score: 4.5 STARS. Practically flawless.

*Note*Specifics:

*Check4*My only concern related to the second stanza. It seems that the line "says God" could be moved up to the first line as opposed to the second.

*Note2*Comments

*Check4*Very clever. The first few lines lead nicely into the second stanza, in which "The Publisher" turns out to be God. The element of surprise is used nicely.

*Check4*The "plot line" of the poem is entertaining, and yet quite meaningful. The subject matter is presented in a way that is tangible to the reader, but still holds depth and mystery.

*Note2*Suggestions
*Idea* You might consider not using the word "wait" twice in the first stanza. The first could almost be eliminated: "I sit as He reads." Or, perhaps a different word could be substituted?



*Note2* Final Comments: This poem induced a lot of Googling so that I could better understand your allusions. It was an educational experience. Overall, this piece leaves me feeling satisfied.

*Note2* Score: *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Halfstar*
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