I felt this deeply. It is a terrible thing, that we crave control but have none in the universe. I hope that you're able to find a moment of calm in this loud world.
I know this piece is from a while back, but I'm thrilled that this came up as a random read for me. What an exquisite piece.
In the beginning, I could hear the sound of tumbling, smooth rocks. I could smell the salty air and feel the energy of the waves. Thank you for transporting me for a few moments to a place of beauty.
I like the premise of this story and it makes me want to understand more about why Jackson is the way he is...how did he become a murderer? How many people did he kill? It's intriguing.
My suggestion for readability would be to split up the paragraph into smaller sections or follow the standard stanza format for poetry. It is challenging to read right now because of how compacted the text is.
All in all, a pleasant piece and I look forward to reading more of your work.
I think this year has presented unique challenges that have seeped into the conscious of every writer. I too have found writing a challenge...some days, even writing in my journal takes an enormous amount of mental energy. I really respect that you continue to try, it's admirable and inspirational too.
My advice to you is this: you cannot worry about what MAY happen. Worry is a down-payment on a problem you may not have; the trouble in editing you fear may not come to pass, and then you've spent valuable time and energy worrying for nothing.
Dive into your process and every time you start to feel anxious about editing, take a moment to breath deeply and methodically. I have also found that repeating a phrase can sometimes help steer me away from my anxiety.
This is very well written and conveys a deep, profound loss. "I witnessed your evolving principles warp the foundations we once commonly protected" really resonated with me, as I am currently coming into the acceptance stage of my own grieving process for a friendship lost. You've written powerfully and I look forward to reading more of your work.
The flow of this poem is unique and so incredibly strong. I read this in my head, but couldn't help but go back and read it again out loud just for the sheer pleasure the combination of words brought to me. I always really treasure pieces like yours for the very instinctive, base happiness they bring.
The message of your work is also moving. I relate to this on many levels, and I won't bore you with how. Your imagery and the easy, visual way you have described the experience of freedom lost is breath taking.
Looking forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing this.
First, your imagery. As I read, I could feel the humidity, the dark wetness of a stormy night. I could feel the fabric of the adjacent survivor's t-shirt rubbing against my arm, I could hear whimpers and cries.
I could see the light. I saw it in the distance, dancing and I could practically hear the other survivor's asking, "What's that?".
Second, your message is beautifully written. I wish everyone could read this and understand the value of being that one, small light.
This is the most genuine, innocent thing I have read in a long time. There is something so pleasant about this, it's indescribable. It reminds me of the very first friend I ever truly made; this is so well written and flows so easily when read aloud and silently. Bravo, bravo bravo.
The imagery in this piece is very powerful and resonated with me on a higher level then I expected when I began to read it. All I could imagine while I was reading this was a lonely person, fighting against a wind that blows them to places they neither want nor need to visit. It is relate-able in many ways. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and would enjoy reading more of your work.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/upstatevenom
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 9:03pm on Nov 15, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
