First, I want congratulate you on a very nice poem that really drew me in to the conflict that the person was feeling over their loved one leaving. I liked the vagueness of their relationship which lets the reader wonder if they're married, single and dating, or perhaps in a naughty adulterous affair!
Your beginning and ending were the strong points for me. Usually, we talk of the day fading away, so your "dimming moon glow" got my attention and drew me right in. However, some of the rhythm of the piece stumbled me at times. I couldn't figure it out at first. I finally counted and I think since your first five lines, excluding your refrain, were 5 syllables you set a rhythmic precedent that I internally synchronized to. When you moved off this pattern, it lost me for a line or two. I find that in these 4-6 syllable poems, the meter is a critical part of what the reader experiences. Your 4-4-5-6 pattern in the "Last time i checked" stanza, felt like a Dr. Seuss poem, whom I LOVE, but I don't think that was the feeling you were aiming at.
I will say that I enjoyed reading your creation and that is really the most important thing, in my opinion. "Forever is a day longing for tomorrow" was a brilliant finish to a wonderful poem. I hope you continue to draw water out of your well.
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