As most people know, I'm almost strictly a free verse poet because I'm embarassingly ignorant on the types of forms, and the ones I do get take me a ton of work to get what I consider, good flow.
YOU, however, apparently do get it, and get it good (pardon the stinky grammar). I'm not going to list my favorite lines or anything for this one because there are too many things I like about this and I'm most impressed with the poem as a whole.
In particular, one of the things I dislike about alot of form is that often times, you KNOW you are reading something that was written to fit a mold of some type. Poorly written form poems tend to ache from a lack of sophistication. This poem, however, is quite the opposite. Honestly I had to go back every stanza to remind myself of the repeated parts because they fit so nicely in each use that I didn't notice that they were indeed repeated. It is great when repetition does not beat a nice phrase to death and even better when, each time it is used, it remains fresh and creates a slightly different impact.
Great job... I thought this piece was just wonderfully, softly, beautiful.
Your stuff has been consistantly "wow" worthy in this SLAM... I don't have a clue why you weren't on my radar for favorites previous to this. Your stuff is always very insightful and has a subtle power that is delicate in a way that for some reason, I just can't master, even though I've tried.
This piece is another fine example of something that paints direct pictures but still leaves room for conjecture... favorite parts were "golden fairground fried dough forever" because out how it sounds (and who doesn't love funnel cake?), "a higher order of helplessness" for it's paradox, and "the feeling in our centers, up against another, up against a wall" because heck if those two feelings aren't EXACTLY the two that concern me the most right now and somehow, although it doesn't paint a vivid picture, your gut knows exactly what you are talking about in those lines.
Not that everyone else isn't fantastic, but if it were up to me, you'd be the one one top when this is all said and done. I genuinely thank you for writing what you do, and thank you even more for sharing it.
Once again, a fine fine descriptive piece. She sounds like she could be a fortune teller... I see her as looking rather like a gypsy or someone's nutty old great aunt.
My favorite lines - "she is an event" (I often think I might be described this way when I'm "on"), "rude amber rings" (rude is such a great term for those huge ugly jewlery buildings some ladies wear), "you know that she's half crazy and that is why you wanna be there" (truly interesting folks are often half crazy and I love this recognition of that), and "you sprawl, happy to be outshone" (on the flipside of me being an event, I really identify with this line because there are times when it is an amazing relief to not be the biggest personality in the room).
I've always liked your stuff but it seems as if many of your poems from this slam have really emphasized your ability for "mind's eye" picture painting.
The description of that sandwich has to be one of the grossest things I've ever read.... seriously stomach flipping. However, there is a great beauty in the poem BECAUSE of that vivid description even if it causes that reaction. This piece ellicits that exact feeling of the "good" kind of nostalgia. I have an experience of bad food outdoors that this relates to in so many ways... the not feeling romantic but liking the person anyway.. the description of the sun... My favorite line is the second to the last one. Not sure why I like it, I just do. There is a tenderness to it.
I think this will be my favorite topic and you and Katya started it off very well.
This is a really cool piece. I really like the images, in particular "my coat of many inks". Amazing that you can write a poem without using any words with an e... and you wouldn't realize it unless told. This is going to be a rather brain frying round I think... :)
Talk about exploding onto the SLAM stage. This is just incredible writing. That last sentance was worth some hairs standing up on my arms. So many interesting pairings of words, references to the time that were meaningful but subtle....
This has got to be one of the best ideas you guys have come up with so far. Maybe if begging hasn't helped many people give reviews longer than "good job", GP will.
It isn't alot but here are some GP to help offset your own personal donations to the cause.
Yet again a fine entry. I don't usually pay attention to how a poem looks on paper unless it annoys me (like when people needlessly center everything). However, I really like how this one looks even before it is read.
That last line is killer... so beautiful and then ending with a tiny bit of sour tang by having the last word of the piece be contrastingly negative.
Go you!
(I think I'm going to start a Winklett fan club) ;)
This is a wonderful articulation of what you do really need to be feeling for Chopin. I heard the music in my head as I read this piece.
The entire poem is delicate and exquisite. Definately as winner (gonna have to pay you to skip a round or two I think... give the rest of us a chance!)
This is a very cool idea! I don't get much chance to review unless I'm slamming but what a wonderful incentive for people to explore all the great portfolios that are out there.
I'll be sure to keep this in mind as something to donate a decent sum of GP points when I get some more.
This was another one of those prompts that was just meant for you. Your poetry is so unique because of it's incredibly vivid and different visual images that the Ezra Pound couplet must come naturally.
I can't say I have one favorite part. Your poems always sound superb outloud as a whole although I did really like how "regardless" and "ravens" sound next to each other.
I don't know exactly what about this poem I liked so much... made me feel like I could smell the dirt of her garden and rain off in the distance. Had a very striking sense of quiet... like being in a forest or a clearing by yourself and only hearing bug noises.
Perhaps the "thrilled" sensation that the kids felt reminds me of the suspense of being outside when you know it is going to rain but you don't know when.
There is a feeling that I get inside when I'm around old souls or women who understand the stuff we can't see and this poem fits with that feeling.
I hope that makes at least a LITTLE sense to you.. but if it doesn't just know that it had that certain something that your poems usually do. :)
This place has been more of a constant in my grad school career than most of my real life friends... and I have people who think I'm nutty for it, but I love alot of you all here like I would in person friends.
(by the way... when I went to look at your post I saw MY NAME in your little rotating list of favorites and friends.... quite stunned actually.... funny how little things like that pop up when you start to doubt yourself... (hugs)... thanks)
This is amazing. Your alliteration adds so much to the piece and you do it just enough to be noticed without being irritating. You tell stories in your poems unlike anyone else... you, like Miblu and a few others are people who have developed a true voice in their writing and could be recognized without your name on the piece.
Harlow where do you come up with this stuff? I mean geez... I know what a proboscis is but I don't think that it would ever occur to me to use that word in a poem.
Your stuff is simply modern art (if I haven't said that before to you).
So many good chunks of words "pigeon waddle man" (that is FUN TO SAY OUTLOUD) "rust powder wings" ....
You are by far one of the most original poets I've read. I always really like your work and this should be a winner this round if the world has any justice in it at all.... lol
This poem was funny and strange and dark and thought provoking all at the same time.
This poem made me LAUGH.... this is where I work... but the waiting room is packed with kids instead. That line about "reschedule please" is just fantastic... I think that needs to be our receptionists' new sign on their desk. People wait in our office for up to three hours before being seen by the doc... DISGUSTING.
Anyway, back to your piece. That description of the foot fetish guy and that girly's feet was so incredibly vivid and well written. Nice sense of humor woven in to this poem on a topic that most people are taking the hardline. I also like the few snippets of rhyme sprinkled in. I think it adds to the feeling of... um.... lighthearted bitterness it conveys.
I will admit though, that I don't quite get the last statement.... oh well, still a primo read!
My dear, you definately seem to have the gift of description that I do not.... This poem has the "atmosphere" that elludes me when I write. I like poems that, if they were paintings, could be hung in a contemporary art museum and this would be one of those.
I have yet to read any of your other entries (I really do pick quite at random) but I know that I'll be having to make a pit stop at your portfolio in the near future.
The only two parts that I would change anything are the section about reading the Island of Dr. Moreau... you make reference to being ON the bus which doesn't seem to fit in with your description of spending the night in the STATION. Also (and this is mega nitpicky), maybe it is the few things in English class that actually stuck but to me, ending your last line with a preposition seems to take away some of the power of the statement. Maybe rearrange it so it can end on a word with more impact? Sorry, don't have any suggestions on what....
I always love nostalgia poems. I liked this one too. My biggest comment would be that the way you have only two or three words in many of the lines with each new line capitalized makes the read very choppy. In my opinion, poems that reflect gentle memory ideas, particularly nostalgia (unless it is about a bad incident) should flow very lightly and smoothly as many nostalgic moments do. Also, when you think about it... smells drift, they float, they are subtle and your line breaks seem like little bullets which again, goes against the nature of the piece.
I loved the last three lines of the first stanza. I think these are the most artfully phrased of the piece. They have more of the flow I was referring to.
Overall, the poem was nice but I think something on this topic could be more than "nice" and have some real subtle power to make people think about how smells bring memory more and I think you have the ability to write something of that magnitude.
Keep up the good work!
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