A beautiful and sad story. very well put together, i could not stop reading. i had a feeling he would die, i wished it not so, but considering the nature of the story i saw it. i hope to read more from you in the future, thank you for filling my time with such beauty and loss. though i except it willingly.
I thought it was great. you should continue this. Your writing is very graceful and intriguing, it kept me hooked the entire time and i was disappointed to see it end. On another note, the only i did not like was the conversation and the way she fought, i was a little confused, though i could see where her body was going i could not really tell what she was doing, was she flinging her braid around with a heavy thing on the end? i would probably leave that out if so, i got that she smacked soeone across the face with a jade ring. and where are they all of a sudden she tells her to go get shampoo and soap and cloths. maybe leave that out and say something like. "Let me help you get cleaned up" or " let me take you to where you can get cleaned up." having been though that terrible ordeal, your in no shape to even walk. you are prefect jelly trying to move, but it seems you have no bones to walk. i could not even speak. all that came out was a mumble. keep up the good writing.
I liked it, but it seemed to lack something, for some reason i could not feel what you were saying. it did not seem real almost like the love he pretended to give. maybe add a little more length to it, describe a little more of what you did and what he did. just my opinoin.
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