I think I would need to see more to give it an honest review. You have a hard road ahead of you, one that will probably drive ya a little crazy and will have its insults...like this one star. I'm sorry, just feel that you could do much better. But again, mainly this way because it was so short.
Poetry is about putting into words the things that drift within our secret selves, trying to share it with those we long to connect with. I can see what you were aiming for but I feel that you have fallen slightly short with your execution. Thank you for sharing with everyone and I look forward to seeing more.
The pacing is excellent and the word play is nice. I do feel that it is a little detached from the emotion you want to evoke. The words are there but they just seem to lack conviction. However, you have talent and should never let anyone tell you different.
Not gonna lie to you, saw the ending coming a mile away. However, your use of imagery and characterization is solid. While I am not a big fan of this particular piece, your talent shines through and I look forward to seeing it emerge even further. Keep it up.
I thought I was the only one the machines were talking too!!! No but seriously. This is a piece of excellence, a creative look at that most dreaded of nights where our juices are backed up more than a teenager at a drive in with a chaperone. It can destroy our confidence and narrow our ability to interact with the worlds we are the ones creating. Thank you for the laughs and for the lines, never stop doing what you do.
Again, I find myself enjoying the poem on one level but feeling the lacking. I think that you begin with the intent to rhyme and lose track of that when you get into the meat of your feeling. I would drop the former and concentrate on the latter, I have a feeling it will suit you better. I do hope you keep writing and look forward to reading more.
I have no poetic talent, let me begin with that, nor do I feel any right to judge. I can feel the intent behind the words, which means you are on to something. But honestly, this feels like something you can fine tune into a full expression of the depths you reach. The thing to always remember is it doesn't matter what I think. It is you who must be happy with it.
Your use of subtlety and insinuation are decent. Your characters, though minimalistic, have feeling and dept. The point is concise but I am not a fan of your dialogue style. Something about each character is too similar to the next when they speak, the personality that they seem to have not fully coming through. Keep at it though, your ability is evident.
Interesting. While the pacing of this short is not ideal, the wrap up is excellent. A few notes. Your descriptiveness leaves something to be desired and there is no character to speak of but it is a simple short with a simple idea, one I happen to think is excellent. Take heart. You executed the whole plants killing people thing better than M. Night's happening.
I think Mr. Pope would forgive you a little license, even with his own words. You did exactly as you advised, you put a product out that was professional, informative and respectful. I have to admit, while I was aware of quite a bit of your article, I still found things that were new for me. Thank you for your hard work.
You write with vigor and detail, the feeling you have for the words giving them a nuance that I cannot put my finger on. However, it seems that you may have pushed your descriptive talent too hard, leaving very little for the reader to personalize. You do good work but you have the same danger of getting in our own way that we all do. Thanks for the story.
Where to begin? I have searched for a tale to tell my child of the universe and its intricacies, though not for that long, as he is still but a baby. Something that will be not condescending or childish but informative and easy to understand. You have captured in your short verse a myriad of wonderful imagery and metaphor. And hey, you ended with a joke. Always leave them laughing. Thank you very much.
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