This is a very well written and engaging story. You hooked me in at the very beginning with the operation, and kept my interest the whole way through. Great job!
Very well done! Although the outcome is tragic, I totally enjoyed this story. I completely understand the mother's motivation in doing what she did. You did a wonderful job of bringing the characters to life in such a short story. The technical part of your writing (grammar, spelling, etc.) is top notch. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
I enjoyed your story very much. It is innovative and has a good message for children. You set the scene very well in the kitchen with the Grandmother making the hamburgers for the children. I could picture in my mind being there.
The only suggestions I have are grammatical. There are some sentences that, in my opinion, should be broken into separate sentences. One example:
I start running up to the next house, I run across the leaf scattered yard in eager anticipation of what is to come.
Should be two sentences and a word hyphenated:
I start running up to the next house. I run across the leaf-scattered yard in eager anticipation of what is to come.
There are others that would benefit from punctuation, like:
We arrive at the neighborhood we were going to and Grandma warns us that we better stay with her because we were not at home. We agree but that is going to take so much of the fun out of it!
I think these two sentences would read easier if they were punctuated so:
We arrive at the neighborhood we were going to, and Grandma warns us that we better stay with her because we were not at home. We agree, but that is going to take so much of the fun out of it!
I hope these suggestions are taken in the spirit they are given. As I said, I enjoyed your story very much. You clearly have a knack for good storytelling.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
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