YES! Good Lord, it's nice to see this subject addressed with some common freakin' sense. That being said- the writing itself was well-done. It's clear and concise, and I noticed only a couple of minor typos. The research you put into the subject when it comes to factual items is apparent; I would suggest adding citations next time. And personally, I would have addressed the content in the third paragraph last, because it is the most important factor and strongest point to support your argument, but that's a matter of opinion. :) Well done! Write on!
You nailed it again, HM! Your poem is a fantastic take on the Cramp prompt. It's very touching, and very evocative- I could easily picture the child and parent in my mind. I didn't notice any technical errors (not that I would expect any from you). :) A beautiful read.
Wow. This is an incredible piece. Very readable, very well-written, it packs a lot of vivid imagery into just 40 lines. It's just a very well-told story, and pretty accurate historically. And I didn't even notice any typos! Well done!
Good story! You did a great job of capturing the mood of Caligula's Rome and court. A very nice touch, I thought, was the 'Little Boot' references; I've never actually known anybody else who knew the story behind Caligula's name. You built the suspense pretty well, especially considering that this was a short story with not much time to do that. I found only one technical flaw: in the sentence 'A sword blade snaked through the gap, slicing along Otho’s rib’s.' ribs shouldn't have an apostrophe. I was enjoying the story so much, though, that I didn't even notice it the first time I read through the story. All in all, well done!
This is a fantastic anecdote in both its message and the power of your writing. I'm very glad you shared it with us and that I was able to read it. Thank you for sharing it!
This is intriguing- I'd love to see the rest of the story when you've written it. :) Your spelling and grammar are excellent, which is always a relief to see, as well. One note- jaguars are found in the Americas. Leopards are the African/Asian cats.
Masterful! You did an excellent job of showing both sides of the story, and leading up to the reveal was executed with a fine touch. I especially admired your skill with the dialogue- it was clearly written, and you really get a sense of what each of the characters is going through. *Very* well-written story for a 24 hour/1000 word piece. Nice work. :)
22 stars for this one. You have a very intriguing style that lands like a well-placed fish hook and refuses to let the reader go. You also have a talent for evocative imagery that I totally envy. Glad you've come to WDC where we can read your work. :)
This was very well done, especially for a young lady of your age. It's intriguing right from the beginning, hooking the reader's interest. The story is brought along with excellent timing, adding in a little more information here, a little more there, heightening the suspense beautifully. The ending with Aiden didn't really seem to make sense though; it didn't fit in with the rest of the story- you might consider expanding that a bit so the reader explains where that came from. Other than that and a few spelling errors, though, nicely done. :)
What an incredible story. I have to admit, I don't often read stories this long, but the first paragraph caught my eye, and it was intriguing enough to dive in. I'm glad I did. It's very well-written, from readability (good spelling, structure, etc) to pulling the reader in and not letting go. It's also disturbing in a very good way, in that it makes one think about what *could* happen in this country, if the technology existed, and if we let it happen. Bravo!
What a wonderful story. My grandmother had Alzheimer's, and I can only wistfully wish that her memories took her back as your character's did. On a more technical note, this story was very well-written as well as being a sweet story. The details from the 50's are very evocative, and you either did plenty of research into prices from half a century ago, or you faked it well. Either way, it shows. :)
*chuckle* This was a cute story, with a very cool twist toward the end. It's very well-written, packing a lot of story into six hundred words. There is a good deal of creativity here, a refreshing story concept, and well-written imagery. Definitely an enjoyable read!
Non-complex (that's a good thing!), classic, and clean. Very provocative imagery. The Jamil factor is subtle, but it makes a good little sidebar to the main action as well. The entire premise is very creative. Definitely an enjoyable read; keep up the good work. :)
This is a cute little story! Very creative take on death and what might be waiting (or not waiting) in the afterlife. An enjoyable read, definitely drawing a chuckle or three. Oh yeah, and I loved the hedge trimmer part. I'm just curious why you'd need groceries in the afterlife. ;)
Extremely enjoyable! This story really draws the reader in. There's enough detail without having *too* much, just a touch of background to help the reader understand the perspective of the main char. It reminds me of a good entree- just the right amount of spice to entice and flavor without being overwhelming. Thanks for sharing it with us!
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