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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vocab
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65 Public Reviews Given
65 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to try and be fairly succinct, I have a deep love for verbose and interesting language, taking large preference to poetry. If you want some critique or suggestion on such, I'd be happy to help!
I'm good at...
poetry reviews!
Favorite Genres
poetry, emotional and dark
Least Favorite Genres
none
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
every other type
I will not review...
novels
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
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1
Review of The End  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
The first thing that presents itself in this piece is fairly pedantic but important nonetheless in my opinion for a piece this short, the idea of a candle burning brighter brings across a larger flame, at least to my mind, so perhaps something like calming would be a better fit, still working within the xbxb rhyme scheme.

In the next part, the use of time in a sequential order works well, especially with the idea of chase, it works well both in context and on it's own.

In the final part, the wording and imagery works well enough, while working on trope, with the obvious emotion, it functions in bringing across how heartfelt the emotion must have been. The only real issue there is the slant rhyme of die to life and wife breaks the xbxb pattern a bit even if it's not exact rhyming. Maybe to bring across the idea while separating the rhyme scheme using a psychopomp of your choices name into the piece, both performing as more interesting language and helping with structural integrity.
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Review of Tick Tock  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
While short, I really enjoy the concept and framing of this piece, using time and climate as a metaphor to the ticking down of the planet, while fairly common, is executed wonderfully here.

If it can recommend a change, 'then living beings, being flower and cock' is a little awkward as a scheme, while repetition, homonyms right next to each other can be a little difficult while the rest of the piece doesn't have such, maybe changing the line to suit something like beginning might be beneficial.
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Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Though the wording feels a little weird around the term, the phrase "The function of aging" is quite interesting and the little examples scattered through build upon it well, though a couple of lines and the grammar around them did make me pause to read over them, trying to understand what it meant.


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Review of Earth Bound  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
First off, I quite enjoy the metaphor in this piece, referring to bark as "skin so harsh" absolutely great.

Though there was one main problem that kept bugging me, and that was the constant slant rhymes, specifically rhyming soul with long felt quite wrong when read out.

But apart from that small complaint, it all works quite well and am looking forward to seeing more from you!


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5
5
Review of Passing Of Time  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
The first thing I noticed while reading was the brilliant idea to combine different environs with their polar opposite, past that, the mundane items and understandable comparisons give it an easy entry. The thought of using souffles to symbolize the sinking is especially amazing!

On the other hand, I found the first part to be rather dry, the cliche of the clock really drags the piece down bit and could used something more esoteric in nature.


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Review of Baby Jay  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Quite wonderful with a subtle darkness not let on until the last line, it's quite nice yet a little more comprehensive sentence structure would have improved it.

A wonderful experiment minimalist poetry, but a more traditional structure would've made it quite memorable.


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Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
first thing, I think you've written this quite well and most of my quibbles will come from personal preference or perspective.

The suspense around the reveal of the vampiric nature was wonderful, but to use the phrase you have in the piece, after reading the title, it comes down to when the other shoe will drop, kind of killing any shock it could have had, making it a little more vague would've done wonders.

I feel the way that we're introduced to the characters is rather forceful, almost unnatural, instead of weaving names and personal experience into dialogue or more subtly into internal monologue it's just dropped on us.


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Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hello, I found this through Read and review and found it good on a technical level, though it felt rather dull.

the first thing I noticed was the cover, very distinctive and emotionally charged, but that was to the detriment of the rest of the piece, the first line essentially saying exactly how it looks without any insight and then when you do hit the introspective side, I'll have to borrow a phrase from drapht to some it up "most can picture a situation, Some overrated, over played like Neighbours"

Then you bolting a reference to the religious group of friends you have seems rather forced, almost to the point where my inner cynic thinks you're pandering for attention given the large religious community here.

In the end, it feels rather forced and unengaging.


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Review of 'til later  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
the structure is interesting though the specific formula of syllables seem erratic, though that can work in more rap esque poems, I would not put this in that category, past that the vocabulary that you use throughout is rather standard.

It doesn't feel like you spent much time on this, but it shows potential.

Hope to see more of your stuff around!


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Review of All I want  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
it's sounds like this could very well be an emotional situation for you, so I do want to disclose that I'm not considering that in the review and am just viewing this as a piece of poetry.

The structure is strange yet endearing if a little stiff.
The verbiage is rather boring, I doubt that any of them would be outside of the 1000 most used words.
You get the message across well enough even though the style stumbles a bit, so I wish you the best and can't wait to see more of your writing.


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Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (1.0)
there were actually a couple of aesthetic choices that stopped me from reading more than anything, so I'll address them since a can't comment on your reasoning.

The font you chose and the spacing it is displayed in had certain words overlap, so red flag right there.

grammar exists for a reason and I highly suggest you go over the entire thing given that every paragraph is poorly punctuated.


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Review of Hemera's Resolve  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
first off, your rhyming structure is very clever and unique so hats off to you, it's too bad it had to be there with the everything else.

the language is boring and if I was a more polite man, I'd say the pacing is languid, but since I'm not I'll say it was slow and repetitive, almost to the point where I stopped reading.

the fact that you decided to use the word winter on the same syllable two lines in a row made me feel like I was reading a ten year olds attempt at poetry.

In conclusion, you exceeded my first expectations, because the first impression was really, really bad.


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Review of Demon Type Items  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
instead of feeling like a piece of poetry, this more feels like a list of the negative words you know, it's not interesting and I don't see much if any potential in it, I hope you continue writing, though I suggest possibly deleting this piece and working on something a touch more grandiose.


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Review of Lonely in a Crowd  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
the flow of the piece is impeccable if slightly simplistic and the phrasing is quite nice.
I'm afraid I will now have to get into the negative: the piece sounds like it was uttered from someone roughly as over the top and dramatized as a mid 2000's emo, the language is boring and quite honestly, the mood can be recreated by saying "The snake coils around my heart"

Keep getting better and I'd love to see you improve, but I can't say I'm a fan of this piece.


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Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.0)
the structure is wonky and rushed, almost feels like a rant (it's very difficult to convert people if the writing feels like trying to read runes)

burdernized isn't a word and I suggest you don't use fake words, it makes you sound pretentious.

and finally, I'm very against your concept of thinking that anxiety and depression (two chemical imbalances that are caused by a lack of dopamine) can be fixed by faith.

this is the part where i would normally tell people to continue writing and getting better, but in this very rare instance, I suggest you stop and get a grasp on reality before writing about things you are uninformed about


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Review of Dismay  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
The skill is there, the writing skill is there and so is the heightened language, the tone of the piece is succinct, but something feels off, not from so much a critical eye but from a layman's view, I think it might be the shortness and the lack of length or maybe it's the fact that you decided to highlight a single word. No matter what the case, the piece is well written and I look forward to see more!


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Review of Students Name  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
did you mean to post this and if you did, what led you to doxxing some students to the cruel and torturous world that is the internet?
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Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I found this through random review and travel reviewing isn't exactly my forte, but I'll give it a shot.

you give a good brief analysis of some of these events yet others feel lackluster and overly short, the language is slightly boring but conveys what you're trying to get across well enough.

Overall, fun, mediocre popcorn reading that could e made great with a few additions and refinements


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Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
in total, the rhymes generally flow with exception of a few that I will bring up later, the language is intricate and interesting enough for me to pull out a thesaurus at one and the emotion carried always seems to have punch behind it.

The main problem was the uses of the rhymes involving honey, mainly because of the fact that they're used so many pieces already and the "hound folks with deadly purpose, leaving a trail of lifeless corpses" felt off.


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Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
though I personally believe the stereotype that is portrayed here is wrong, that doesn't stop it from being great writing, it elicits a great deal of emotion with an interesting verbiage, two things that this site lacks in general. Hope you have a great day and hope you find some of us less toxic liberals


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Review of Temple Boy  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
I found the language slightly mundane rather than one or two words, the actual structuring was nice but simple and the story you seem to be conveying is quite simple and uninteresting. As a piece of writing, it is decent if not simple, though as a way to deliver a story, it's sub par


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Review of The Legend  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
the concept is interesting, humanizing the continents you speak of and explain their link to each other in an almost mythological light, though the shortness of the piece and the lack of interesting literary devices makes it feel like you didn't have the experience to execute on such an interesting idea.


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Review of A Moment Together  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
the vernacular and actual design of the piece is safe and simple, which makes it nice and solid but uninteresting, past that, the lack of rhyming until the very end give an uneven tone undermining the only benefit this piece could have had, nice try and I hope to see more, though it's too generic for me to call it anything rather than mediocre.


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Review of Am I  Open in new Window.
Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Structuring:

first thing, I like the structure, it's unique and like nothing I've recently seen, though the actual pattern of the rhyme is boring and a bit lazy.

language/emotion:

the emotion is definitely there, though that actual vernacular there shows nothing of your hurt or emotion, it's too flat.

conclusion:

an interesting piece and I'll be looking forward to what you write next.


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Review by vapid Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
absolutely beautiful alliteration, but that's all there is, a truly great piece should use more than one element,if your planning on keeping it quite that thick, I'd suggest you use rhythm and rhyme as well, keep on writing, keep on getting better.


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