Dark Night is well written but can be improved. I like the way the 2 events were tied to together but the transitions, especially the first one is a little confusing an could be changed to make it less so. I like the way you discover that Danny is in a wheel chair instead of the author just coming out and saying so, it uses the "show me don't tell me" technique that could be applied in other areas of the story. My word choices would have been a little different and while that's mostly a matter of taste the author should review his story and remember that in a short story every word counts and should be building the effect he is trying to accomplish with his story. In general a good story and I look forward to reading the next revision.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wethum0713
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 2:18am on Nov 17, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
