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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/white-teeth
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22 Public Reviews Given
25 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by White Teeth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is just too true! It's also hilarious and vitriolic.

I can't figure out why the people you describe spend their days filling the review pages with crap. They can't exchange their gift points for money. Maybe it's the recognition? A lot of them appear on the most-credited reviewers list, possibly because some people are so delighted that someone gave their haiku five stars that they reward the offending reviewer with 5,000 GPs.

At any rate, thankfully Mr/Miss 251 Characters don't make up the bulk of WDC (though looking at the review page, one could be forgiven for thinking otherwise). I only give honest and thorough reviews, and within giving five reviews I was placed quite high on the most-credited reviewers list, so there is a place for honesty. You are in a high position on the list and you do the same.

Don't give up writing or reviewing! WDC needs you!
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Review of Love Song  Open in new Window.
Review by White Teeth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Bill,

Thanks for emailing me this. You said it was the first poem you wrote, and I'm impressed. Like you, I find it much easier to write prose than poetry. So in my reviews of poetry, I tend to be frustratingly "existential" because I think that in poetry, more than any other form of writing, meaning should trascend style (rhythm, meter, imagery, rhyme, etc), yet, ironically, poetry is so dependent on stylistics.

I enjoyed this poem, the way it spans a whole relationship. It is tender and loving, without sugarcoating the difficulty two people, no matter how much they love one another, have connecting wholly.

I see no problems with rhythm, rhyme, or meter, and you worked well within your format, for the most part. However, at certain points it did feel as though you were twisting words and putting them in unnatural positions to fit the poem's form, so that's why I didn't give it a 5-star rating.

Here's something you might think about. I remember reading something Anne Sexton said about her friend Sylvia Plath when the two took a poetry class together. Apparently in those days, Plath loved form -- sonnets, sestinas, villanelles. Sexton concluded that Plath was putting the message of her poetry in 'cages' -- in fact, in 'cages' that were not of her own making.

This is just an amusing story, obviously. It's only your first poem, so I don't want to jump the gun too much. However, it's something you might want to think about. I see great potential here and I can't help but think that it would work better in free verse. You might consider trying it in future.

Thanks again for the great read,

White Teeth.
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Review by White Teeth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Nathii,

I'm in Ireland, so as a fellow European I thought I'd review you. *Smile*

I think this is a fantastic little poem. You get the nature of young relationships perfect (which is something to which I can particularly relate). I particularly admire the way you don't sentimentalize your subject matter, which would have been very easy to do.

Furthermore, you use structure beautifully here and your slender sentences guided me down the page, which I think helped your meditation on the ephemeral and transient nature of love.

The only part I'm uneasy with, really, is the form of the second stanza. I feel its prose, while beautiful, is too substantial, and it doesn't help the poem's mood. Like I said (and of course, correct me if I'm wrong), I thought this poem was a meditation on a transient lost love, and the second stanza kind of interrupts the poem's flow and, ipso facto, its message.

Overall though, excellent job! And as an aside, I envy your ability to alternate so effortlessly between languages.

Happy Christmas and keep writing!
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Review by White Teeth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Char,

I saw your message on the Author's Support Group forum, and while I'm not a member there, I thought I'd give your piece a review.

Your style really impressed me. It shone through in this piece. The disjointed and jumpy prose mirrored your character's internal turmoil. It works so well for you here!

I love the way you use split personalities, yet at times it verges on clichéd. In this case, you could remedy that by not ending on the paragraph you did. We, the reader, see it coming, and this isn't a bad thing as such, but it proves to be a kind of anti-climax. Maybe finish on a paragraph that gives an ambiguous hint into Lana's future. This will be harder to write than the present ending, I think, but will prove more rewarding.

Keep writing! Parts of this are wonderful!
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Review by White Teeth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hi Askpaddy,

I've given this a low rating because I like your style, but not your subject matter. It didn't make me tick, or think, or feel all that much, which is what all good writing should do, no matter what its aim.

You're obviously articulate, you write well, and this story had one or two laugh-out-loud moments. Maybe just write about something you feel passionate about and your reader will feel passionate about, too.

Keep writing! I think you, as a writer, have potential, even if I don't see much in this story by itself.
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Review by White Teeth Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Emerin,

Thanks for this piece. I think I've read hundreds of writing guides at this stage, and I found your one easy to read, comprehensive and snappy.

I've only been a member of writing.com for a week. Yet even at this early stage I've witnessed many examples of great stories being hindered by careless punctuation, spelling, and editing.
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