This is a compelling piece. Interesting backstory and you interweave it with the exposition well. I also appreciate the tension you raise in the plot with the mystery with the girl's identity. The name "Freya" is a good plot tease as well. It makes the reader wonder if she is actually the Norse goddess who escorts the deceased to the afterlife (Like Azrael) or a happy coincidence. The character Azrael as an anti-hero is consistent with his function in Judeo-Christian mythology; I'm a religion major and I like quality use of mythology in fiction. I have only one question. I'm not sure of the function of the "curiouser and curiouser" as opposed to "more and more curious" in the narration. If that is not deliberate you may want to consider editing it.
This is amazing! The concept is creative and interesting. The imagery is masterful. You set the tone of each scene well while being judicious with your word count. The pacing is spot on for a short story. With all of that in mind, the thing I appreciate most about this piece is the use of dialogue to further the development of each of the characters. It is an excellent way to have developed narrative without bogging down the short story with exposition. Obviously, the dialogue for Tanya was absolutely brilliant. “But thou art squat, while he be big and strong. To risk thyself this way be surely wrong.” -- This is the most clever line of dialogue I have read on this site. Well done Robert, I hope to read more from you in the future.
I like this piece a lot. It's very raw and gritty and you set up the tone with vivid imagery and a good balance of narrative movement, description, and musings from the narrator's mind. You are a good writer! One little word of caution though. I would change the rating of this piece to 18+ or higher, just because of the language used in the dialogue. I'm not saying this because it bothers me (I think it's well used in setting up the mood and is a good artistic choice for this work) I just don't want to see you get reported for something as silly as rating. This was a quality read and I hope you continue writing on this site.
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