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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/willene
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36 Public Reviews Given
37 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Anita, You asked for my opinion on your work, and I'll try to give you a review to the best of my ability. I don't know if I'm the perfect person for the job, however, because fantasy/Sci-Fi isn't really my thing. However, I've recently finished the Sunrise Course in Fiction Writing at the New Horizons Writing Academy here on Writing.Com, and I've learnt a whole deal about writing stories. I'd like to share some of that with you. Maybe you'd like to do some of the courses yourself? Of course this review is only my opinion, and you know how subjective opinions can be.

Just before I read the two parts of your story, I went to check out your Biography, and I see that you're only 15 years old? That makes me so jealous, because you have such a long way ahead of you in terms of time. I only really started writing recently as well, and I am more than 20 years past my 15th birthday. *Laugh* I'm also envious of your courage, because when I was 15, I didn't have half the courage that you have now. I think these two things are very much in your favour.

But I'm sure you'd like to get to the real review.

General Impressions: I actually started reading the Chapters first, before I came back to read the 'About the Story' bit. I felt a bit lost, but then when I came back to read the background, I realised that you've lost your first story when your pc crashed. The thing is, if you really want to develop this into a series, like Harry Potter, for example, there is nothing else to do but rewrite the whole thing. At the moment it feels like starting to read Harry Potter from the second book onwards. I would never do that, because the first book sets the scene for everything else. I'm sorry if this is not good news. *Sad*

Setting, Plot and Characters: Here you are one step ahead of me as well!! I've written a few short stories - some of them more like sketches - by now, but I haven't got 'the big idea' yet. You have the idea, and you've even started developing the setting, plot and characters, but it's a bit fragmented at the moment. Again, this may be because you lost the first story, but again, if you really want to draw the reader into your story from the beginning, you have to rewrite that first story. You have to paint the pictures you have in your head in such a way that I (the reader) can experience it with you and your characters. At the moment, you have it all in your head, perhaps, but I don't. Does this make any sense?

Technical Aspects: This may have to do with our age differences, because you are from the cellphone/sms writing-style generation, and I'm a huge stickler (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/stickler) when it comes to spelling and grammar. It may also be that English is not your mother tongue. This is also my problem, because you are never as comfortable in a second language as in your native one. It's all OK to write for yourself and for fun like you've done so far, but if you want to be taken seriously as a writer, and if you want your manuscripts to be read by a publisher and not be thrown in the nearest bin, you have to show them that you are serious about writing, and that you take your craft seriously.

One of the ways in which you could do that is to make sure that you write with proper spelling and grammar. Having full stops after sentences and starting each sentence with a capital letter are such basic things that I shouldn’t even have to talk about it. These days, spelling and grammar checks are so much easier jut with the click of a button on MS Word. Just be careful of words that have different spellings but sound the same, because the spell checker won't pick that up. A good dictionary is any writer's best friend. I have about twelve or so on my shelf, and I use them every day. Oh! Plus Dictionary.com of which I gave you the link above. You also have the advantage that you are still in high school, and if you really work hard, I am sure you'll be able to improve your writing ability by 200%. I'm sure I sound exactly like a schoolteacher! Please forgive me.

Last but most important: Please don’t be discouraged by my long and intense rambling. I’ve had to face the same stuff – and much worse – from my teacher in the course that I recently did. One of the biggest things that I’ve learnt here on Writing.com is that you have to have a thick skin and not take critique as a personal insult. Once you’ve learnt that, Anita, you’ve already half won the battle.


Kind regards
Helene - Missing being here! Author IconMail Icon


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2
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Review of The Shed  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This story grabbed hold of my heart, Kim, and it wouldn't let go. The irony from your catch phrase, "Children say the darnedest things" (which reminded me of the fun TV series) to what happened in the story reflects so much what happens in real life, doesn't it? We so often prefer to look the other way, for whatever reason.

I must also say that I admire your 24-hour 'blitzkrieg' skill. I've tried to enter the writer's cramp twice already, and I haven't been able to pull a story off in 24 hours - never mind one that comes close to the quality of this one. Well done.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..

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Review of The Stacks  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a sweet story. There's always something very romantic about a library, and I like the unfeigned innocence of both characters. I also loved the perspective of the grad student at the end. All I'm wondering about is if he was already her boyfriend, because this kiss was their first. This is the only thing I would change - maybe make them old friends who knew each other since they were babies, and suddenly discovering that they actually love each other.
4
4
Review of Christmas Haiku  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Now here's a little treasure - in spite of the fact that none of the senses are at all included in the Haiku.
Someone else (commenting on my Caffeine chain) said that he had read in an article that Haiku is Haiku when the writer calls it that - period.
I love that the innocence and excitement of your child built into this poem are almost inseparable.
And I love that it is so clear that when they are small, simple things (one-dollar treasures) can still excite them.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..
5
5
Review of ME & YOU  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Some serious hacking you have here. I like the choppy edges of the poem's profile that strengthen the feeling of being hacked. The images that you paint with words are raw and bloody and real. It screams of hurt and anger and acceptance all at the same time.
This poem touched me deeply.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "ME & YOUOpen in new Window..
6
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I love the word puzzle - it's perfect. I tend to see patterns and illusional pictures really easily though, and I know not all people do (even with the bold lettering), so I'm wondering if a left alignment would help to make it clearer. Although, I understand why you centred it, because otherwise it's just propped onto the left side of the page. Maybe they should give us an option to left-align in the middle of the page - really ugly :). (Then again, my attention to detail is a blessing and a curse all at the same time!) ;D

I love the washing up on shore via the interstate - it's a gorgeous play of words.

I also like the way in which you know that the narrator left New Orleans and then came back, but you're never really sure whether it was on a visit or to stay permanently. The reality that "floats away" when "New Orleans captures" make it seem like a visit. But s/he can also move back permanently, leaving an old reality behind and creating a new one.

Great work.
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