A very good poem. You are obviously writing from experience. The poem flows well, is clean and mostly uncluttered. It gets the message across. I read it through several times. The last time out loud.
For anyone with "issues" that come to haunt in the night, this poem strikes a cord. It works, for me at least.
I should start by saying that I don't know much about the technical side of writing poetry. I'm like the viewer of paintings who says "I don't know much about art, but I know what I like".
Having said that, I will admit to liking the poem quite a bit. While I don't think I got all that you intended to purvey, I certainly liked the way it flowed. I particularly liked the descriptive lines. I liked the last 4 lines best (despite mis-spelling And).
I know what I like to read but would have a very hard time writing poetry of my own. Therefore, I may not be the best person to evaluate your poetry effort.
I liked your poem though the lines : " In the race for perfection so dear to you" and "No wonder I can't look up to you" initially confused me.
I read the piece 3 times and then once more out loud. In the end, it all started to fit together.
It got the idea across and left a feeling behind. Good on you for that.
This was very interesting. (I learned something new)
On advise received here, I have begun to read items twice. The second time through I read out loud.
I stumbled a few times here and there with transition from narrative to dialogue. I don't know why. It seems clear enough. It is most likely just me. Maybe the flow confused me.
Please note: I am very new to this. You are only the 7th writer I have reviewed. Please weight this review accordingly.
Thanks for the opportunity to see this. Keep writing.
I found this story fascinating. I liked it. It flowed well, had what I call pace, and the reader was not required to back track.
A noted a few small errors in typing. For instance: Dong wa is most likely Dong Wa, unless you meant Dong Ha, which way north of Dong Wa, and would explain the rockets and artillery.
I read through the piece a second time out loud. (A recently acquired trick gleaned from writing.com)
I only got tripped twice which is way better than I can say about my feeble efforts.
I liked the title: Interesting and made me want to "take a peek".
The story emphasises a couple of things. The casualties of life take many forms, and compound interest is an extremely powerful financial tool
I would give you more of these PGs things but I'm low on them right now.
---------
If you have a few seconds you might like to see my attempt to drawing a verbal straight line. I just submited "Who Are The Godless?" in the newbies" section.
Hi,
I am not an expert on the subject of poetry. I read Frost, Longfellow, Kipling, and when I want to get depressed Dickenson. Sometimes I enjoy a little Ogden Nash, Plath, or Poe as well. These are the poets found on my shelves. The list is limited by all accounts. If the poet evokes a sentiment then I am pleased. If I like what the poem does then I might read more of the poets work. First I have to understand what is being said and that is sometimes very difficult for me. The I feeling left behind when I finish reading a poem should be what I call pure. (By this I mean not all cloudy and confused.) The depressed feeling I get from Dickenson, or some of Plath’s work is pure and humor of Nash is as well.
For me poetry is more like painting than other forms of literature. I hate crappy painting.
I liked your poem. I was left with impression of a young woman, with a rural background, describing her fierce independence.
My wife is more of a poetry person. She only speaks Spanish but likes to translate short poems for practice. For what it’s worth, she liked it as well.
Good work.
Willie
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/willielinn
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 9:54am on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
