A very good poem. You are obviously writing from experience. The poem flows well, is clean and mostly uncluttered. It gets the message across. I read it through several times. The last time out loud.
For anyone with "issues" that come to haunt in the night, this poem strikes a cord. It works, for me at least.
I should start by saying that I don't know much about the technical side of writing poetry. I'm like the viewer of paintings who says "I don't know much about art, but I know what I like".
Having said that, I will admit to liking the poem quite a bit. While I don't think I got all that you intended to purvey, I certainly liked the way it flowed. I particularly liked the descriptive lines. I liked the last 4 lines best (despite mis-spelling And).
I know what I like to read but would have a very hard time writing poetry of my own. Therefore, I may not be the best person to evaluate your poetry effort.
I liked your poem though the lines : " In the race for perfection so dear to you" and "No wonder I can't look up to you" initially confused me.
I read the piece 3 times and then once more out loud. In the end, it all started to fit together.
It got the idea across and left a feeling behind. Good on you for that.
This was very interesting. (I learned something new)
On advise received here, I have begun to read items twice. The second time through I read out loud.
I stumbled a few times here and there with transition from narrative to dialogue. I don't know why. It seems clear enough. It is most likely just me. Maybe the flow confused me.
Please note: I am very new to this. You are only the 7th writer I have reviewed. Please weight this review accordingly.
Thanks for the opportunity to see this. Keep writing.
I found this story fascinating. I liked it. It flowed well, had what I call pace, and the reader was not required to back track.
A noted a few small errors in typing. For instance: Dong wa is most likely Dong Wa, unless you meant Dong Ha, which way north of Dong Wa, and would explain the rockets and artillery.
I read through the piece a second time out loud. (A recently acquired trick gleaned from writing.com)
I only got tripped twice which is way better than I can say about my feeble efforts.
I liked the title: Interesting and made me want to "take a peek".
The story emphasises a couple of things. The casualties of life take many forms, and compound interest is an extremely powerful financial tool
I would give you more of these PGs things but I'm low on them right now.
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If you have a few seconds you might like to see my attempt to drawing a verbal straight line. I just submited "Who Are The Godless?" in the newbies" section.
Hi,
I am not an expert on the subject of poetry. I read Frost, Longfellow, Kipling, and when I want to get depressed Dickenson. Sometimes I enjoy a little Ogden Nash, Plath, or Poe as well. These are the poets found on my shelves. The list is limited by all accounts. If the poet evokes a sentiment then I am pleased. If I like what the poem does then I might read more of the poets work. First I have to understand what is being said and that is sometimes very difficult for me. The I feeling left behind when I finish reading a poem should be what I call pure. (By this I mean not all cloudy and confused.) The depressed feeling I get from Dickenson, or some of Plath’s work is pure and humor of Nash is as well.
For me poetry is more like painting than other forms of literature. I hate crappy painting.
I liked your poem. I was left with impression of a young woman, with a rural background, describing her fierce independence.
My wife is more of a poetry person. She only speaks Spanish but likes to translate short poems for practice. For what it’s worth, she liked it as well.
Good work.
Willie
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