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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/witty_writer
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13 Public Reviews Given
18 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of I Love Daddy  Open in new Window.
Review by Witty_Writer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was really sweet! I remember when I used to write for my Dad poems.

You might want to look up some neat words in the dictionary, so it's more entertaining to read. :)

I also, love the way you cut the word "Thursday" up...it took me a while until I put the two parts together!
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2
Review of Love on the Line  Open in new Window.
Review by Witty_Writer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was very well written! In only 7 lines you showed a lot of emotion, but you might want to add some more lines so that the readers of the poem can relate to it more.

For example:

"For all the heartache you have caused," you might want to add some more about what he had caused, or how it made her feel.

Great ending line for the poem though! Keep up the great work!
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Review of Family Poem  Open in new Window.
Review by Witty_Writer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
That was a sweet yet, really short poem. There are a few things you might want to add so the reader of the poem can actually connect with it.

Also adding the three dots at every line is not needed so you might want to take it off. Also, adding emotion in a poem is important, remember that!
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4
Review of Deepened Whispers  Open in new Window.
Review by Witty_Writer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I loved the description of the way you saw everything from the boy’s eye. All the thought and detail added a lot a gave a very interesting picture to read.

The ending gave a very nice impression on the story, but in the beginning it was a bit confusing until it got a little cleared up towards the end.
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5
Review of Not Alowed  Open in new Window.
Review by Witty_Writer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was great. One of the best effects you gave it was the ending, I loved the way it ended.

One thing though that I thought of was amount of detail that from time to time you can still put in, to describe a little, to see what you see. Like the amount of emotions you put in the poem.

Overall it's great! :)

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Review of Heaven In A Box  Open in new Window.
Review by Witty_Writer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I thought it was really nice, I enjoyed it a lot.

You might want to make words complete and not IM language for example when you wrote "u" instead of "you" becuase it gives a nicer way to read. Especially for poems...

Also a little more feelings or detail might add, but keep up the great work, I liked it.
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