I was drawn in from the beginning and delighted by the twist at the end. I've never had this exact experience, but I can relate to experiencing something and then wondering if it really happened, or was I in a haunted house, or was it my imagination. Was it real?
Your writing invokes all the senses. Excellent work. I want to read more about Sammy and Grandpa. In such a short piece, you've created wonderfully strong characters that we can root for.
Thank you for sharing the story. To make the story better, you could begin the story with Andy's life prior to his journey, His back story could include a flaw or tragedy of his own that may be resolved once he follows his heart. As the story stands, the journey is more physical that spiritual because we don't know Andy's flaws. We don't know what he's learned.
I think your style of writing is wonderful. This story will be a wonderful one if only you will give us a character we can root for.
Thank you for writing about how spring makes you feel. I, too, always love spring. I wish, sometimes, that I could not sleep for the entire two weeks that trees go from bare to lush and green.
Your poem is uplifting and lyrical. I find myself wanting to dust off my guitar and create a happy melody.
You've managed to put a lot into this short chapter. A likable main character, an antagonistic female who could turn out to be the love of his life, an show of character when he decides to walk home and when he doesn't accept unfair punishment, and there are his family members who could turn out to have their own challenges as the story progresses, all while making it easy to imagine his surroundings without overly done descriptions. Great job.
I love the premise. Time travel will undoubtedly have its side effects. I also like reading pieces in first-person, present tense. August's ability with numbers is really good. Your dialogue is excellent. I think the ending is fine the way it is.
As for more action in the beginning, the town is small, so maybe you could describe things as he's walking to the restaurant. Maybe his parents stop and chat a moment as they go by and they tease you about Julie.
Julie is a nice character. I kind of wanted their relationship to be further along considering August spends so many years in anguish over her.
Hope this helps.
Great job.
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