So I finally got around to reading this story and see when I wait to read it I enjoy the story more. You made it sound very realistic and I have to ask if this actually happened to you? It was a very touching story that kept me wanting to keep on reading to find out what will happen next. You are truly a gifted reader Dan. My only suggestion is to go through it and look for a few spelling errors and some grammatical errors. I don't remember where they were as I couldn't stop reading. Fantastic work!
hey, i found that the beginning seemed a bit corny in my view. I did, however, like the action near the end of the first chapter. Just make sure to re read your work and look for a few spelling errors and a few run on sentences that I spotted through out the first chapter. All around, great job and keep up the great work!
a pretty good try at poetry. Try writing a poem when you are feeling something. Such as when you're angry or sad etc. It puts more meaning into your poem and more emotion. Besides that I found the poem to be a wonder poem. Which is basically when the writer seeks to find an answer or wonders about things. Good job!
What a great poem you have written. This has probably been the most well descriptive piece of poetry I have ever read in my life. I really enjoyed the following quote from your poem "salty rivers damned behind tense eyelids metaphor". Just make sure that damned is spelled dammed. Reason being is if the salty rivers (tears) are held behind closed eyelids, then it would be dammed, a tense of the verb dam, to stop the flow of. A friend of mine told me that. Besides that I am the worst person to ask for grammar advice lol. Great job keep up the great work!
hey there, your first chapter is very intriging... I hope I spelled that right hehe.... I found it interesting that Matt's grandfather came back for him and now I'm even more interested in finding out what's going to happen in Amar when Matt see's his mother and his sister for the first time in a long time. Great work, keep me posted on the next chapter!
Hello there how are you doing? *belches loudly* To be quite honest I had to read it only once and I knew what you where talkig about but I becam a bit uncertain about words *belches loudly* but it's probably cuz I'm tired and things aren't sticking to me lol. Anyways I really liked how you described the *belches loudly* rain like you did. It was very neat how you talked about how beautiful a day was before the rain and then you went on to talk about it raining a bit *belches loudly* You did a really good job with telling a small story kind of (how the day was nice and then it rained). Keep up the good work! belches loudly*
that was just amazing. the only thing that sucked was that it made me feel like a cheapo cuz i only have the free account. I don't have any money what so ever or if i did i would help out writing.com. heck it's hard to even get a job at my age (16) in this hick town. But anyway that was just great. I loved it so much. And you're right about The "it all has to be free or nothing" method of thought will get you nowhere, my mother has taught me that and i've seen ppl become the lease successful person i've known cuz they thought everything should be free to them and given to them on a silver plater. great job!
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