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16 Public Reviews Given
16 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
👏 great job!

Highlights:🌠✨

The rhyme pattern. Very playful and fun. Lends to the sense of humor in the poem.

Simplicity of the subject and what you said about it. Easy to follow.

I think good poetry allows the reader to share the writer’s emotions. I could sense your frustration about the topic in your tone, along with your humor.

The ending had a fun rhyme pattern and summed up the poem well.

5 stars! I’m also going to mark it as one of my favorites 🙂
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Review of Mom just Laughed  Open in new Window.
Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very cute and funny. Dialogue is hard for many people to write, but this flows very realistically and keeps the reader smiling.

I only noticed one possible typo, but it could be a choice you made for tone. It was,”’How do you know this.” When I read the story, I thought the character was really asking, rather than saying that rhetorically, so I was thinking that sentence would end with a question mark. Just something to consider.

Great flash fiction. I’ve tried to write flash fiction myself and also used dialogue. It’s a great tool to catch readers’ interest and keep the pace going.

You did a great job. 5 stars!
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Review of HOTDOGS  Open in new Window.
Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lol! I love it! Very creative! I used to love hot dogs as a kid until I found out what they were made of. Since that time, I became a vegetarian - for about 25 years now. Vegetarian hot dogs are a lot less stressful. I think there’s still a lot of flavorings, but mostly healthy tofu other than that.

I love poems that have humor, so I really enjoyed your acrostic poem. Thank you for sharing it.
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Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! This was really interesting! Thank you for posting it. I wonder if we’re all thinking more about the impact of the issues you mentioned, due to AI.

I thought your arguments were well chosen and clearly expressed.

Since my degree involves communication and education, I read this to take in the information you presented, plus thought about how a student would engage with it. I wasn’t sure what you had covered in previous chapters or what you wanted students to get from reading this - meaning what you wanted them to gain: do you want them to be able to identify the trends and their drawbacks? Or think about the examples of these things that they’ve seen in their own life?

Something I’ve found really useful to engaging students is asking questions, for example, when you said, “From smartphones to social media, the technological landscape has revolutionized not only how we communicate and work, but also how we perceive reality itself.” I thought, “Right here is a perfect opportunity to get students/readers thinking about their own experience,” to keep them applying what they’re learning throughout the chapter, to make it more relevant and personal, which keeps their attention. Since so much of what you’re covering involves ethics, lively discussions or even students journaling about how these things apply to their social media feed(s) for a day or week can happen easily. Stuff like that helps students remember the material better, as well. I’m not in a position to give you a good suggestion because I’m not sure what your objective is, but I do think a question that asks readers something about the thing you want them to learn would be a good idea as you go through each section. You ask excellent broader questions at the end of the chapter. I think it might be easier to get a response to those if readers keep their personal experience in mind as they’re considering the information. It’ll be right there to evaluate.

The other thing I noticed was that sometimes I had to get the meaning of a term you used from the context. I wasn’t sure if you had explained them in earlier parts of the book, or maybe readers would know them from previous courses…? But, if not, I think explaining them after the term would be helpful, maybe putting the terms you want readers to retain in bold type. An example is when you talk about VR and AR. I wasn’t familiar with the term, Augmented Reality, but from your description, it sounds like you’re referring to things like the Snapchat images that overlay (the digital representation of) a person’s face. Specifically naming the technology will help people understand it either through experience they already have or let them find it to experience it, so that they have a better idea what the term means.

I think you did an amazing job of organizing the information. The discussion of very complicated material flowed very naturally from one topic to the next. I liked that you labeled the introduction, each concept you were going to discuss, and conclusion.

The points you bring up are balanced. You clearly point out where they help vs hurt us.

I hope the things I mentioned help YOU! As I mentioned, I looked at the chapter from an educational point of view, so depending on why you’re writing it, what I said may or may not apply. No matter what the reason, in my opinion, you do a great job of putting ideas into words and organizing those ideas in an interesting way. 😊
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Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this idea! As someone who just joined the site in December, I missed a lot of submissions for 2024, so this will give me a great way to catch up. I can’t wait to read the work behind the nominations.

I also like how the awards follow the many things going on here, with which I’m also still getting acquainted. Grateful to be part of the list and to have it as a guide. Thanks!
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Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked this. The opening sentence drew me in. The pacing, action, and dialogue kept me reading. There is great tension at just the right moments. Punctuation is perfect.

There were a couple of spots that I stumbled over. The first one was in the paragraph, “She peeled herself from his light embrace, and captivated him, putting on a show she wasn’t planning to watch. Flashing him a knowing glance, she tucked her auburn hair behind her ear.” The part, “and captivated him, putting on a show she wasn’t planning to watch” didn’t sound as fresh as the rest of your story. When I point out a trouble spot, I always try to suggest a way of rewriting it. I think that part of the sentence could be omitted without losing the feeling of the story. I eventually figured out why. It’s when you told the reader how Sam felt instead of describing the action and letting the story tell the reader.

To show you what I mean, I was thinking something like, “She peeled herself from his light embrace, then turned and looked into his eyes. Adam swallowed hard. He watched her bend as she replaced the quail, captivated by the graceful curve of her back.” You do a great job of describing the character’s actions and interactions. It creates the chemistry between them, so there’s little need to actually mention it. It kind of serves to make their chemistry another character, which distracts us from what’s going on with Adam and Stevie.

I also wanted to hear what happened after they got together! It ended very suddenly. Hopefully, that is the end of a chapter, rather than the story, but, either way, maybe give the reader a place to land. My mind was still following the story because you gave us a new piece of information - that she was “unfamiliar.” I needed the information you mentioned wrapped up in a conclusion to fully appreciate the story. Hope that helped!
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Review of ABC Lesson  Open in new Window.
Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I love this idea. You did a great job with it. Lots of wisdom here and it is well-written. There were some awkward places, so I made some suggestions below. Sometimes I wasn’t sure what you were intending to say, so you’ll want to read these over to see if you think they work.
D - D is for distraction which is a good tool to find patience - or - maintain our patience.
M is for feeling mad, which we should avoid.
O - not sure what you mean here. Maybe “To best work with opposition, we seek a team effort that will best lead to peace and harmony.”
R - don’t understand what you mean here. Maybe “R is for the reasons on which we base harmony.”
S - Eventually, our sadness will change to gladness.

Hope this helps! I really enjoyed it. I’m going to mark it as one of my favorites.
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Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another great one! My favorite part is, “Build your life, not just on heights, But on the depth of inner sights.” For me, that sums up the poem. I also like the way you used the dashes. Very well done.
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Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
I wanted to review this because you sounded so defeated.

But I think writing 13 chapters is quite a feat! Because there was a lot here, I’m going to make some overall beginning suggestions and then, if you decide to revise it, I’d be willing to continue to review it as you make changes. Just let me know if it gets updated.

Your story is very imaginative. I would say that is one of your top strengths. It’s a very important strength because it keeps fresh ideas generating for writing. Since you have all these cool ideas, you want your writing to be as crisp and clear as possible. Think of it like looking at them through a window. When the window isn’t clear, it’s harder to visualize what’s happening.

When I edit my writing to make it more clear, I do these things:
1) simplify. If you have 3 pencils, two pens, and 10 crayons, it will be hard for someone to quickly pick out the blue crayon. But if you simplify that set to 1 pencil, one pen, and three crayons, they’ll see the blue one you’re talking about a lot faster. It’s the same with sentences. Each one represents an idea your fantastic imagination came up with. To make it clear to the reader, simplify the sentence until it has only the words/ideas the reader needs to imagine the same things you did. Sometimes it helps to have someone read it aloud, while you listen. When I do that, I catch things I didn’t when I was writing it. Keep the things that sound true for the story and get rid of anything that stands in the way of that.
2) One really important tool for simplifying is punctuation. I once read that punctuation marks are like road signs. A period says, “This is the end of my idea.” A comma is like, “I better slow down here, so the reader doesn’t get confused.” There is a great, often used book that has so many tips for things like this. I’m away from my library right now, so I’ll have to get back to you about the title. It’s definitely worth purchasing.
3) One of my high school English teachers is famous for saying, “Specific is terrific.” She taught me to make my writing stronger by taking out action words/verbs that are general and replacing them with more concrete words. Here’s an example from the beginning of your story: You said, “James was the name they chose for their son.” You could rewrite that as, “They chose the name James for their son,” or “His parents chose to name him James.” Any sentence with a not-so-strong verb - that’s how you can make it stronger.

I’m sending you 300 points because I have confidence in you. The imagination that a story needs is already there. It just needs to be cleaned up a little so the reader can see these happenings as vividly as you did. That’s why you write stories.

Last, but not least, when I started writing, it was poetry. I had to work really hard to write good stories and I’m still in the process of doing that! I think wise people never stop learning, especially about things they enjoy. Most people, including me, learn from mistakes, so this comes from countless mistakes that I’ve made myself. You’re not alone.

So, if you decide to revise this, you’re welcome to send it to me again. I enjoyed reading it.
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Review of Against the fall  Open in new Window.
Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent! Very clear writing and rhythm pattern. I can tell that you chose your words very carefully, which is tougher when they have to rhyme, and understand the reasoning behind the ones you chose. This is passionately motivational. You recognize that someone may be starting at a low point, which will draw a person who needs the poem into it; they know you get it right from the start. You come in through that door and make very persuasive arguments for hanging in there and not giving up. So many people need this message. I see it as a poem that should be passed on, stuck on the refrigerator and bathroom mirror, to remember that, “Yep, baby, you got this!” 5 stars!
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Review of The Course  Open in new Window.
Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the form and your use of it. I also appreciate its optimism.
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Review of Music to the Ears  Open in new Window.
Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bravo! I love the prosody of your poetry. Your writing is very clear. As a music lover, I also appreciated that you included a wide variety of music, saying something unique and interesting about each one. A+!
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Review of Twenty-Two  Open in new Window.
Review by writebeforedawn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I enjoyed this. Lots of interesting facts about 22 that I probably wouldn’t have thought of. Content is very creative. The only serious thing I can suggest is following a pattern for each line’s syllable count (i.e., 14, 8, 14, 8). You’re already doing a great job of following a pattern for rhyme. Using one for syllable count gives the poem more cohesiveness. I do that for rhyming and free verse, even though, in free verse, it’s not as expected. Nice work! I’d love to read more of it.
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