The first thing that strikes me is the grammar and the structure of the piece. It's an easy fix at least. :) Also, it's good to capitalize Jaekwon's name or any other characters name. Also, where did you come up with the name Jaekwon? Just curious because I've never heard it before and it sounds interesting. ^u^ It's a bit odd...does she always pee a bit when she's scared? I know it might be from the sheer terror...but still.
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