I love that the story has kaen the tone of a Christmas Carol. Its hard for me to see Scourge as a drug addict/dealer because he doesnt speak as most drug addicts/dealers do. He doesnt use street lingo. Also, I dont care for how you refer to the reader. I just dont feel its necessary. Other than that,good job!
I feel like the beginning had a little too much angst in it. Tim doesn"t speak like a teenager but I appreciate that he is good at being so expressive. I dont feel like him being Roma had anything to contribute to the story unless it was going to become a back and you could maybe elaborate on it in some way. I felt Tim's sadness when Julie died and I like to be able to feel what the character is feeling. Its not always easy to get that. Overall, great job and I hope to see more from you.
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