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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/writerdudette
Review Requests: ON
13 Public Reviews Given
13 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Pay 1,000 GP (no more) or review-for-review: Simply review any of my work and ask for a review for any of yours. I don't like that reviews are gatekept behind money or how it often is in this case, 10+ reviews of random people's poetry. **** I will ONLY review story, including: Plot & Consistency. Characters & Motivations. Themes and Narrative integrity, and of course, quality of writing: Character voices, narration, etc. **** I will NOT point out technical details, such as: Missing punctuation, incorrect/bad word choices (unless makes intention unclear) and missing/mistyped words (unless severely unclear)
I'm good at...
I look at your story logically, without being blind to it's emotions: Are scene descriptions consistent? Do character motivations make sense? Are there mistakes? I also do thematic exploration: What is the theme I am getting out of this writing? Is the theme consistent and persuasive?
Favorite Genres
Any thematic story, genre is just the "vibe"; LOTR's themes would work in sci-fi political thriller or steampunk romance as they do in medieval fantasy.
Least Favorite Genres
Non-fiction, but you could reasonably tell a good story even in a math textbook.
I will not review...
Stories without a clear point/theme, any use of severely visceral nsfw without a clear point. Political messages are fine if they are self-consistent and voiced in mature way.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Rubber Ducky  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterDudette Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
Through-line is fine, that increases the score
But who is insane, the girl, or the narrator?
Bit about mice is a completely random line.
Bit of advice, only end doesn't have to rhyme.

Poems are so easy to write and score
This many mistakes, you're done for.
2
2
Review by WriterDudette Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I guess I can get the GP, so let's review the quality of this s***post:

- Fiction, fact, and history combined.
- Some are not about the number 23, but the hash of it. (such as dates, calculations and place names)
- 2 sounds like the average amount, not the average user
-
3
3
Review by WriterDudette Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
"if only life could be so picturesque - Maybe then I could peacefully rest." - what, wasn't that the case? Why not? And later they say the ending was indeed perfect, so he should be able to rest. Fun rhyme, but not very consistent.

The ending two lines are quite - as the youngster's would say - fire.

But there's not much of a clear explanation behind them. He has no pain, and then he's sad about it, because others have pain.
4
4
Review by WriterDudette Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
simple end-of-line slant rhymes, but that's already more effort for wordplay than most poems I've seen on this site.

I don't get what "is you let them unwind" means, especially when the kitty was rocking in a chair earlier... Does it mean that people ask the kitty to not annoy others?
5
5
Review by WriterDudette Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
What's the point of lying about this operation being a simulation? Real armies never do that for obvious reasons (which is why, in reality, when the real deal starts, they don't need to waste breath saying "this is not a drill")

A certain famous book I won't spoil the name of, made the reason pretty clear in that sense; Empathy was a risk to the mission. Here though, empathy is crucial: Omega could just give up when he takes critical damage, because it's just a simulation president, while if it was a real deal, he'd use the last of the mech's energy to save the president.

Also, the white house has quite famous bunker system, so the president shouldn't be cowering below an office desk.

That said, awesome idea for a story. Cross-country trip with the president to get away from the red army would be very compelling indeed.
6
6
Review of Ghosted Memoirs  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterDudette Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I imagined we would've went into a bit more interesting direction at the end there; That the colonel would've actually been a ghost. A bit six-sensey, sure, but better than a simple pun at the end.

Anyway, the narrator's sound is great, although it seems like ghosts and regular people are exactly the same: Are humans in this world just cats, they have many lives? If you're on their last, they're just called a "ghost", and become a lower class of human?
7
7
Review of Happy Today  Open in new Window.
Review by WriterDudette Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Pretty basic language (dark of despair, deep in the dirt), which would be enhanced with alliteration (eg. deep in despair)

Didn't really make me feel like I was happy, . Especially with the gloating nature of with things like "Want to please but I am not you", good for you, I guess
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