I enjoyed it but I honestly can't tell you what I enjoyed because there were so many different aspects and levels to the poem. It makes me think a little of Alice in Wonderland meeting the Nutcracker because I see a castle and as the poem progressed you are on a 'tour' throughout it and how a prince it seems is trying to find his love (which I assume he gets in the end). The chocolates and references to snares call me to the 'Land of Sweets' in present in the Nutcracker while the dreaming state recalls me to Alice.
All in all I love this poem and it's unique style you used to portray it. Very good poem, thank yo for sharing, River Twylyght~!
This is one way to look at anger and might I say a very good, solid one. At first I assumed it would be a cheesy rhyme, however you took something obviously spoken of regularly and made it your own. I quite enjoyed the line "It makes your once red heart, black as coal."
That is certainly a different view I hadn't heard of and I enjoyed it =) Excellent imagery and detail used in a small poem. You especially had a very nice ending as well to tie it all together again. Bravo to you, Intuey^^
I never thought I could see a slug this way, actually. Especially with such gruesome detail and a sorrowful-- yet hopeful ending.
I assume the slug is having a rough day, as he has been pecked by a dove, assaulted with rain and hail, and eventually consumed by murderous ants, however he does get his happy ending, though it is bittersweet. Honestly one of the best pieces that I've read on Writing.com, and I would love to see more of your work. Well done, Gelo~!
There are a few stanzas here that are just a bit choppy. Instead of "Have two dogs" say "I have two dogs", so we get a good veiw that they are yours =)
And in the seconds stanza "Socks likes to chase his tail, several times around. But Toots likes to discover' to show a contrast. It's not needed but it'd be nice^^'
The rest is very good, but the last Stanza is my favorite, because an animal has unconditional love and it's very simply put, but still very nice. Thank you for sharing this with us, Cairylee!
I almost didn't notice the 'Halloween Horror' until my friend started spazzing x3
I love the acrostic here and how you made it flow so well-- Especially since it doesn't seem to be an easy endevor at all.
The last line really sold this poem with "and transpose into themselves again", since I never thought of this imagery.
Very well done, thank you for sharing with us, Itchy
It is extremely helpful and I might share this with my writing class, since many make very flat characters;
This is Holly. Holly has blond hair and likes shopping with her boyfriend.
/:P
I enjoyed reading it and maybe, just maybe there could be a few more. For one thing, it is the little actions that count. What one character does, another might not do, such as
"While the party of ruffians sat arguing amongst themselves. Calvin, meanwhile, was sitting far from them, seemingly picking a fight with a little crab in which he could not best."
or
"Or Diane rocked silently in her chair, her head turned from the others but her feet that tapped on the floor waltzed with the piano's music, her grandchildren could only stare, transfixed."
Some people tend to forget that their character's gestures and dialog, as you've mentioned, can shape the character and make them stand out.
Still, I really enjoyed it, I hope you add more!
I saw it coming the moment toothbrush came into text =( Why not try gearing up to it, as though:
The water gushed like a raging waterfall into a pool of porcelain,
I, the lone general, took stock of your advantages and disadvantages in the glass taunting before me. Our enemy came in black, and hidden well within the groves of ivory.
Something like that, imagery that gears up to a point where it can only get better and then...
"The weapon plunged with it's teeth and assalted my enimes down to size. The war was over, and I spit the foamy remains into the bubbling pool.
The war on cavities had reached an end, for now."
Then again that may not be the best dramatic ending... Honestly you got something going here, though! Good work
When I read this I can see it in the scheme of black and white, and a woman (if that's how she's portrayed) Standing in a feild of corn during the sunset. I believe she's speaking to herself, and the thought of diamond slippers makes me very curious and interested in what she had those slippers for.
The repitition for the first line in the fist stanza and the last stanza, since it brings you back to the feild and exibits imagery. The dialog is very well, especially the "Hidey-Hole" since it hints to an older time period.
I don't know how to exactally make this any better, but it seems like to perfect beginging for a story.. I hope Jeanette can find her slippers!
This sounds like a nightmare from which one can not escape-- And I quite enjoyed it.
The Black and white 'rituals' to me seems very intriguing and I wish there was another stanza atleast delving deeper into these memories =) Thank you for sharing, I would very much love to read more, especially your work, thank you for sharing with us~
I thought for a moment that simply it was to be worded mainly towards dogs "They cry for their ancestors, or for the unknown" ect, but was surprised when I read of Adam and Eve. Actually, I enjoyed this. =) It was a pleasant surprise and just wow..
I'm not sure where the muse for this came from but you did convey just the right effect in the lines:
God gave the angels’
sorrowful howl to the canines on earth, that their pure
plaintive sound would always reach Man in his soul
I never thought of it through this was but yes, when you hear the cries of these creatures it makes a pain in you heart and a shiver in your spine. I loved your work and look forward to reading more, thank you for sharing, Harry~
I love the 'Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde', but never quite saw Jekyll's angle like you portrayed it. Actually I loved it, especially your last sentence 'Or do you just do a better job of hiding that scoundrel then I do?'
Honestly very good and I enjoyed the pace and wording. Maybe one day we can hear Hyde's side of the story too X)
This reminds me of "Is it better to tell someone your affections and risk rejection, or keep it to yourself and never know pain" /or something along those lines
Only you've managed to transform it into an even more interesting yet. I wish it was a bit longer, to dwell deeper into this thought of a 'lost' love-- But sometimes less is more =)
I love the sensation I'm getting from this! And the passion one can get from the night is very visual and pleasing =)
I love the peaceful feeling I get and then it gets exciting, then peaceful once again. It makes me want to read more and this puts me an a sleepy mood. The perfect poem for those looking for a late night read.
The thing I like is they say the best things come from the dark, and weirdly we keep the best of ourselves, and the worst, in the dark from everyone else.
Words are all we have, and I hope you continue to show your true self =)
When all other birds sleep,
from them nary a peep,
the mockingbird sings
for all he is worth,
as though his heart would burst.
Of what is he so proud?
That's my favorite line from that poem. maybe it's just me but it's like symbolism. /though I had to read on to the next one. It's like though the world is dark and 'full of dispair' the mockingbird keeps his cheery song, knowing the Sun will rise again. Love it^^
But "Why The Nighttime Songster Sings"
Is definantly my favorite, I love everything about it. The best joys are found in nature.
I'm not sure why but this line brought a smile to my face. It's lovely but in a 'twisted' sense (Am I making any sense here?^^')
I love the emotion and how it shows the pain of someone breaking your heart-- Life is certainly a struggle after that.
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