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Review of MIST OF THE NIGHT  Open in new Window.
Review by Kwenxaku-Ariquil Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey! The concept of your story is good, but it does need some editing. For one, you should slow the pace a little, stretch things out a bit. Instead of jumping right from Jayla waking up to school; slow it a bit. Maybe have her do something, or speak briefly about something that happened to her or why people think she is weird.

Also I noticed gramatical errors, instead of saying "she didn't say nothing" say; "she didn't say anything"

Indent, and create paragraphs, or instead it just comes out in a clump.

Remember to use one tense, instead of switching. Either present tense or past tense, not both or it can be difficult to read. Also, break up Jayla's thoughts from what is happening.

You do not neccessarily have to take my advice, because you are the author.
Other than what I pointed out, I believe you have some real potential with this story.
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