I do not write poetry, but I do appreciate the fact that it is a style of expression many love. I also know there are many forms, though I cannot distinguish between them myself.
This seems formulaic, like you have written to a particular style. It is short. It makes sense. It does create a bit of a picture for the mind to see.
My only comment is about the prompt. I don't think I really understand what the prompt is by your description.
I love this - what great way to answer questions from your children. I think that sometimes people forget how special these moments are. It is especially tricky when dealing issues like the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. I think you illustrated it perfectly here.
Interesting story. What was the prompt for the contest? Ot feels like a piece of a larger work, like there is story both in front of and behind this part.
I do not mean it feels incomplete, but that its part of a larger theme. I would guess that was the purpose of the prompt.
The only issue I saw was punctuation. You might try running it through Grammarly. or something like it.
I like it.
Remember, these are just my opinions. I hope they help.
Inventive. Creative. I like it. I know there have movies about monsters, but I did not watch them. I think you paint a good picture of how it might be to be a fairytale monster. I also like how you identified differing types of them, and the rivalry they must share.
I found nothing to mention here, no errors to point out.
Extremely well written piece here. I found no errors, no misspellings, no mechanics' issues. The characters were well developed, the dialog crisp and relevant.
I did become confused a couple of times, reconciling which characters were speaking, or even which roles they were playing within each vignette. They did switch roles occasionally, or so it seemed. There was also a time or two when I did not quite catch the change in point of view, but re-reading helped me determine who was speaking.
I am mildly disappointed that there was not a clearer picture of what happened at the end, but I realize the use of that plot type. Presper gave us the clue.
Interesting. The writing flows well through the story arc. However, it seems you crowded a book's worth of storyline into as small a package as you could, like you were reliving a memory, relating it to another person. There is tremendous potential here.
This is about the size of an average chapter in a novel, maybe even a little larger. But you spent the whole story telling us what happened/was happening, not showing us. There is no dialog, no real interaction between the characters.
Don't get the wrong idea here. I really like the story. It reminds me of the beginning of a movie where the protagonist is giving the viewer enough background to settle into the story, understanding where it is headed, but then continues in the same mode until the end.
I hope you decide to flesh it out. Let me know if you do.
This is a good beginning. Is there more? I found nothing wrong with mechanics, or even structure, but this is incomplete. I cannot see the hook here, and I admit I am not sure how this is a twist on ancient mythology.
I am not trying to be mean. I am trying to understand. Was this created for a contest or activity? Was there a word count requirement?
As I said, there is nothing wrong with the quality of the writing. I would have liked more of a hint at what kind of shortcut the King was talking about. In the last sentence, you tell us Shawn remembered something a friend had told him. About what, the King of the Tap, about water or shortcuts?
Give a little more detail and this rocks. Please let me know if you update it, add more detail.
These are only my opinions. Please consider them within the framework of your experience and the knowledge of where you wanted this to go with this exercise.
LOL, this is a fun little story. Is this it? Is there more in this story line?
I found no errors of any kind. The story flowed well from beginning to end. The dialog fit's the situation. When writing this, how did you picture Tandy? Is he like a gnome, or perhaps like Rumpelstiltskin?
Interesting short story. Was it for a contest? Ah yes, I see that now, at the top. What were the conditions of the contest, just the word count?
I see no errors. The dialog flows smoothly. I was sorry to see it end so soon.
I have a question though, is there a copyright thing with mentioning Star Trek? I don't think it is an error. I am checking for myself in case I ever do something like it in a story I write.
Take care,
Zev
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