Wow, this was a lot to take in. I'm not 100% sure of what exactly happened but I have a good idea. The emotion feels very real and raw but it's a little confusing to read. (Maybe that's the point?) I'm not sure who she's talking about going back to, if it's one of the two people who did it to her or someone else? And I'm a little confused about how the emotion changed from feeling horrible to falling asleep with a smile on her face so quickly.
This reads like a Shel Silverstein poem, awesome! I like how you show from early childhood to later years and then back again. Though there are few words you succeed in a range of memories, and the part about the ear plugs is especially cute/funny. Also, bonus points for cacophonous it's a word that doesn't get enough use.
This was an interesting read. I'm not sure if it was supposed to sound like it came out of the 50s but that's how it struck me. I would love to see a more recent take on it and how gender roles have changed since then. I like how things flowed and rhymed.
Being a West Coast girl I was grabbed by the setting in West Virginia. I wondered what they were hiding, though I suspected it was money and was surprised to find that it was both a whiskey outfit and cash. The fact that they switched to cannabis seemed logical and in line with the story. I genuinely wonder what will happen to them and look forward to reading more.
Initially this made me think of a children's book (The Tortoise and the Hare) but I was pleasantly surprised to see it veer off in a different way. I like the fact that the character keeps on fighting despite being slower than everyone else. I can really feel the character's age illustrated in this poem.
I was tickled by the idea of having all of those figureheads at one table. Their responses seemed genuine and each pleaded case made sense. I like that you didn't let their dialogue go on too long but instead made it short and to the point and also how Bob's word is law, that part was a nice twist.
Oh, I feel this! My child is currently 5 and I'm watching her grow up at lightning speeds. The days are long but the years are short. I wish I could go back and do it all over again. I like how you weave the scenery and setting into the poem it makes me feel like I'm really there.
I really enjoyed reading this. I could see the picture your words painted clearly. I like the part about the River Peoples and the native warriors being protectors. I also think the line about the conquistadors and their fear was cool. It's amazing that you're able to convey so much in just 17 short lines.
Wow! Interesting story. I like how you weave the descriptions of the people into it. I could really see them conversing in my mind. I'm still not sure what Orgone is but the idea that they discovered something that could potentially lead to godhood is awesome. I look forward to reading more about what happens.
This was great! I really like how you were able to tell a complete story in so few words. The ending was cool and left me wanting to know more about who was after him. Perhaps there's another story in it?
I'll admit this one was a little confusing for me. I'm not sure who the dead 'man' is or how he turns into a monster and the ending feels a little rushed. In my opinion it reads more like poetry than a short story. I'll check back to see if there are any updates on it. Thank you for the read.
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