A Pleasant Thought and a Cool Breeze

A Pleasant Thought and a Cool Breeze

         Stan Anderson horrified himself today. He was sitting on the porch swing he’d just built and installed. Drinking a beer. Reveling in his accomplishment, his idyllic suburban yard. Neatly trimmed. Weed less. A cool breeze blowing from the south. The neighbors mowing and trimming their yards in a futile effort to equal his masterwork. Herb, next door, waved on a vertical pass of his riding mower. Rachel wore a straw hat and long, yellow, rubber gloves as she knelt on a pink pad, furiously pulling dandelions two doors down. And Tommy, the eight year old across the street, was playing with his black lab. He closed his eyes and let the symphony of summer wash over him. This afternoon he would barbeque, and this evening he would love his wife in another effort to create an offspring.

         “No, Blackie! No!” Tommy scolded, as the dog leapt about him in an ever-increasing frenzy of excitement. Stan watched the dog bound around the boy in a rather amorous effort to express his love for his young owner. That damn dog had been trying to hump everything in sight over the last week. “Down boy, down!” Tommy attempted to take control of the situation and Stan wondered if he should step in. Herb and Rachel didn’t appear to be concerned, though they were obviously aware, so he sipped his beer, pushed the swing with his foot, and closed his eyes.

         “Blackie!” Tommy’s shriek forced Stan’s eyes open again just in time to witness the event that would never be mentioned, never discussed, never admitted. Blackie’s advances had reached the limit for Tommy so he had attempted to escape through the screen door. Just as he opened the door, Blackie stood with his paws on Tommy’s back. As Tommy moved forward to escape the horny hound, Blackie’s paws slid down his back and in a motion that looked far from accidental, managed to snag Tommy’s shorts, pull them down revealing his pink round butt. Tommy fell forward, in what clearly looked to the dog as an invitation, which Blackie acted on with all abandoned. Tommy squealed in horror. Herb stopped the mower. Rachel’s hand covered her mouth in shock. Stan considered running across the street to his aid, but something prevented him. Tommy’s mother appeared screaming in the hall and proceeded to beat Blackie off with a broom. Tommy disappeared into the house as she chased Blackie around the yard.

         Stan thought he should laugh. He wanted to laugh, but didn’t. He avoided Herb’s glance and pretended he hadn’t seen a thing. Stan’s wife called that is was time to fire up the barbeque, but Stan was mortified to find that he couldn’t stand until his conspicuous erection subsided. Stan Anderson horrified himself today.

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