Me as I am

Same old face, same old eyes
But never a memory to define
Why I should feel this way
Why I should hurt this way
Why I should be so morally corrupt

I wonder to myself why my family is still here
I cry myself to sleep at night because I am still here
I want to be proud of myself,
and I want my kids to be proud
But how is this to be
when I am no better than a bum
My kids are to young to see the real me
But I am trying so hard
to be unlike me

You see the me that I am wants to be free
Wants to soar high into the sky
But the responsibilities
I have keep me grounded
And I feel there is no way out
and constantly hounded
I can't stand this pressure
I just want to give in
What do I do, I say ,
to display
I do not want this life anymore
some one take me to a better place
Put me in someone elses shoes
That didn't make my mistakes
I want my children to have everything
Right now we have nothing
Not even a car to make into a bed
I wonder how I could become this way
And hope I will change come this very day

-April Rain Mist