I can Almost Feel the Sun

I can almost feel the sun on my face. Wait, it’s just the heat from the dryer. I hate taking clothes straight from the dryer, it always makes me sweat. It’s been twelve years since I last walked in the sunlight. That really isn’t a long time if you put on the timline of centuries, which is what I have ahead of me. Unless an un-natural disaster happens. I’m cursed. Well, it depends who you ask anyway. I was traveling, oh twelve years ago in Austria with a “study-abroad class”. Travel and learn while gaining valuable college credit. Now, it wasn’t such a great idea. It makes me smile these days. I was lucky. Out of a group of fourteen, I only know three who survived. We’re spread all over the world now. We do get together ever three years or so, not that it’s enjoyable, it’s more of a requirement.
I was working on my masters in photography when I saw a flyer on the bulletin board outside Studio B:
Don’t miss this once in a lifetime chance!!! Travel to five countries and produce a one of a kind portfolio. Earn credit while having fun!!! Contact Professor Omar Kladsovic in MAS 2100 for more info.

I shouldn’t have stopped that day. Besides being late for my TA class, I knew what Bella Zutsa was talking about when she cornered me in the dark room.
“So? You gonna go or not?”
“I don’t know Bella. It probably costs an arm and a leg, and you know TA’s barely get by.” I said while I hung my black and white of school kids up on the line.
“yeah, but you have to admit it would be awesome to put that down on your resume.”
“I tell you what. You find out all the details and cost, and I swear I will truly think it over.”
“Good, ‘cause there is a member of PA that was asking about you.” Bella said as she turned to leave the dark room.
I waited until she fully shut the drape to pull my next print out of solution. I knew who she was talking about, Jack. Yes, he was a member of Photographers Associated; A prestigious group on campus that had connections to make a well-rounded future as a professional photographer possible. We had had a thing a summer ago. He wanted to keep up a relationship, but I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. That’s why we get together on those cold, full moon nights. I guess we would be compatible, if I would just say yes. So now I was in for it. Bella and Jack were signing up, and it looked like I would make three.
I gave it a week, and then I was back in the dark room. A familiar knock came to the door. I never yelled the ok, everyone waited about ten seconds and then helped themselves.
“Hey Isa, you the one in here?”
“Yea, you know I’m a work-a-holic.”
“Of course. I found out some info about the study-abroad program.”
“Oh yeah? Well, spill it.”
“Ok, it’s an eight week course. We travel to five different countries taking pictures of all kinds of stuff, we have two required essays and a scavenger hunt…”
“A scavenger hunt?”
“Yep, not sure what’s going to be on it though. The best part is that it’s grad students only and half the ‘class’ is made of students from another university.”
“I see. So what’s this gonna cost?”
“Twenty-seven hundred plus the cost of supplies.”
“That’s actually less than what I thought.”
“Same here. The professor has some kind of connections over in Europe, so we can get some kind of deal on housing. So, you going?”
“How are we raising the money?”
“Jack and some of the others with the PA discussed having an exhibit in three months to raise some of the funds. It will only be open to students who have signed up for the trip. So if you are wanting to go, you need to get your name down asap. There are only seven spots and three have been taken.”
“Who? I know you and Jack.”
“Maureen.”
“Great, the girl who has been after my head for the past few years.”
“You can’t let that stop you.”
“I know. I’ll stop by the room tomorrow to sign up. Which one is it again?”
“MAS 2100. I’m glad I won’t be the only one going.”
“Oh! Like you were really worried.”
“Yea I know, but it sounded better didn’t it?” she started laughing at her own sarcasim.
Yes, I committed to going to Europe for eight weeks. When I went by room 2100 in the Masters of Art Studios, the atmosphere was a little… Dark. I understand better now what that feeling was, but then, lets just say I didn’t recognize it.
So we went on and made plans for the trip. That’s what we all called it. Studying-abroad was more of a working vacation. There were no tests and you got to do what you loved anyway. Photography is my passion. Even though my life has changed durastically, I still shoot.
Jack stayed over that weekend, we were “planning” exhibition dates. He was glad I was going. Me too, if I really think about it. Once the list for the class was full, we all had to meet with Professor Kladsovic every Thursday evening at 10pm. We all complained about the late hour, but we never really saw the professor around for afternoon classes.
“Okay, ev’ry von. Ve vill begin by introducing von anotha. I am Professor Plavo Kladsovic. I am from a very small village in a country vere you vill not be able to pronounce tha name. Perhaps ve vill be able to visit it vhile ve are traveling. Now, ve vill go around tha room. You, miss, vhat is yo’r name?”
“I am Bella Zutsa, just about everyone here knows me. I am a member of the PA and will, hopefully, be graduating next spring with my MA in Technical Photography. I can’t wait to get this class started.”
“Very nice, Miss Zutsa. And you?”
“Hello. I’m Jack Gardner and am also a member of the PA. I have been waiting for this study-abroad program for two years now and was not about to miss it.”
“Very good. Next?”
“Hey guys. I’m Peter Galeo and am just starting my masters in studio studies. I am here to broaden my artistic perspective.”
“I see. Next?”
Kladsovic made comments after everyone’s introductions. Needless to say I was the last one to go.
“And you miss?”
“I am Isadora Maklighte. I am finishing my masters this fall and am not really sure where I want to end up. I’m here because my friends asked me along.”
“Do you think this vill be vorth your efforts Miss Maklighte?”
“I think that you won’t be disappointed in my work.” What else was I supposed to say? I had been through everything. One program was not going to scare me into a panic now. Kladsovic, in a way, made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He smiled to himself for a few minutes before he commented.
“I think you vill learn more than you think.”
The meeting ended shortly after that. Jack gave me the third degree when we left, and of course I told him to back off. We didn’t go home together that night. The next few months went off without a hitch. The exhibition was quickly approaching and my work just wasn’t up to par. The subject matter was open, in a way. Kladsovic had suggested a preview to the work that would be captured on our trip. Everyone was to interpret that in their own creative way. He gave us an itinerary so we would have some major stepping stones. Bella concentrated on catherdrals and churches, Jack was caught up in his landscape movement, and I, well, I had a thing for wildlife. So I looked into the library. Yes, I actually went to the old university library.
There was a small country on the itinerary with a hard to pronounce name. I looked it up and found that wolves were highly recognized in the area. That would make an interesting subject. Where to find wolves? The only place remotely close was the zoo. It had a huge wolf exhibit.
I went on the Wednesday before class. Kladsovic wanted us to have some proofs for him. Just for curiosities sake, I think. I never liked to be around people I knew when I was shooting, so naturally, I didn’t tell Bella what or where I was going to be working.
I found the exhibit to be a little on the dusky side. Still, there was enough light for me to get great shots. I did a little light reading on the bus ride over and then once there, I made sure to read all of the exhibit information. There was one enclosure though that really caught my attention. It was a pair of mated wolves, one smoky black and the other a pearl white. While I was setting up my tripod and 35mm, they took no notice of me, but once I took that first snap-shot, their attention was immediately upon me. It was like they knew what I was doing, and they posed for me. Talk about getting chills.
I know a person can get all wrapped up in their work, but this was just freaky. I liked shooting, but not this much. I was being drawn into something else. Their eyes were telling me something, but I didn’t know what. I felt like I was being warned. I know, it sounds crazy, but I felt it. Something was up, I just didn’t know what it was at the time. When the camera finally clicked and re-round, I stepped away from the tripod to stand directly in front of the enclosure. There was no glass, just high fencing. They both trotted up to the fencing and stared directly into my eyes. I felt my inner-self being pulled down to their level. I could hear breathing in my ears and a distant howl.
I was shaken back to reality by one of the exhibit keepers.
“Ma’am, are you alright?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I was just caught up in the moment.” I said as I noticed I was on my knees only inches from the fencing, the large amber eyes of the pearl wolf upon me.
“You were whispering to yourself and I just thought.. Well I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” he said as he held out a hand to help me stand.
“Thanks.” I said taking his hand. You want to talk about weird! I quickly put my stuff up and booked it. I didn’t know how long I had been out of it. I had to develop my pictures. Something had just happened. I didn’t understand what.

The pictures came out fine; almost serene like. There was a type of aura around each wolf; I reprinted six times and it was always the same. Kladsovic found them stunning and there was an amusement he had with them. I just thought he was a weird man.
The exhibition went on without a hitch. Every piece of work was bought. I had never seen so many people. There was a couple that personally knew Kladsovic, and they bought four of my nine pieces. Bella teased me about appealing to the foreign type. I could only smirk at her.
Jack’s landscapes sold as well as Bella’s interpretation of our own representations of the great cathedrals of Europe. The next few months were a blur. I was busy with my studio classes as well as the three classes I was a TA for. Jack made dinner once a week and Bella started dating the guy named Peter who was just starting his masters.
The week before we were scheduled to leave, Kladsovic informed me that I was just short of making the payments. Damn!!! I thought I was there. Only three hundred and sixty-five dollars stood between me and Europe. Oh well, I could get refunded. Jack offered up what he had of one-hundred dollars, but I refused. He said I was being difficult, I told him he could buy me something nice. Bella was bummed that whole afternoon. She didn’t want to go without me.
“It was meant to be Bella. No big deal. I’ll see you tomorrow. I have to grade those pastel pieces before the morning.”
“Okay, Isa. I’ll talk to ya later.”
I was down, I still remember going home and doing the motions. I checked my mail, threw it on the table and went straight to grading pastels. It wasn’t until 12:20am that I went back to the pile of mail on the table. I was sipping a mug of green tea, with one pack of sweet-&-low and just a quick tip of milk; there was a manilla envelope on the very bottom. What the hell was that? I never got anything that size. I pulled it from the very bottom. There was no return address. It had to be a reminder to make a small payment on my already deferred student loans.
Boy, was I wrong. Inside, I found a folded up piece of yellowed paper, a picture frame and a silver necklace. What the heck.
I set the frame and necklace on the table and carefully unfolded the paper. It looked like something my grandmother would have in the attic refrencing some catastrophic event. The handwriting was perfect:

Dear Miss Isadora,
It has come to my attention that you will soon be visiting my native land. I can not describe how pleased I am to hear this. Yes, I am referring to your study-abroad program. You do not have to worry about the remainder of your tuition. I have seen that it has been taken care of. I have placed in your possession a copy of one of your latest masterpieces of the coupled wolves as well as an heir loom that I would advise you always wear while in my country…

WHAT!!! This must be some sick-o. Or so I thought at the time.

I assure you that this letter is authentic. We will meet quite soon. Thank you for your lovely work at the PA exhibit last fall.

Sincerely yours to the end,

Oren Stletzenor

This had to be a joke. Jack had to be behind this. I asked, he had no idea what I was talking about. And I could tell he wasn’t lying. His heart was too big for that. When I turned the picture over there was a slip of tissue paper covering the glass. I removed it and found those amber eyes looking at me. I had never really paid full attention to how those eyes seemed to glow and hold a secret. They both had those eyes. It was a miniature version of the one that had been sold to Kladsovic’s friends. How had this man, Oren Stlezenor, gotten his hands on it. Not only that, but now he had somehow taken care of the rest of my payment. I didn’t even know this man. This was getting weird. The last item was the silver necklace. I carefully picked it up by the clasp. Dangling from the other end was a Celtic cross that was shaped into a heart in the middle with dagger looking points at each stopping place that the curves of the cross made. It took up the center of my palm, but still small enough to be considered feminine. Why was this guy sending me jewelry? And which country was his? Did he know Kladsovic? I didn’t care for the professor already, this just made him even more creepy.
I left the letter, picture, and necklace on the kitchen table until the night before we were to leave. Bella had been packed for days now, and when she found out I wasn’t even close she came home with me, her bags in her trunk.
“I can’t believe you waited ‘til the last minute.” Bella started.
“Yeah you can. I’ve always been this way.”
“True. That’s why I’m here. To make sure you don’t arrive late too.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Anytime.”
Bella was a great friend. She went on helping me pick out stuff to take. Kladsovic had warned that it would be cooler at night and some mornings were like our winters. Great.
She had me all ready within an hour.
“How’d you get so good at this?” I asked when she was zipping up my main suitcase.
“My dad was a pilot. We were always going on trips at the last minute.”
“That explains everything.”
“Yeah right.” and we both laughed.
“What do you want to take in your carry on?”
“The usual, a book, my camera, the iPod and anything else you think might be to my advantage.” I replied as I moved the suitcase over to the front door.
I heard Bella go into my small kitchen and didn’t even think about the mail I had sitting on the table.
“Hey! What’s this? It’s not from Jack.”
“What,” I asked as I rounded the corner. She was holding the letter and the silver necklace.
“Oh, that. Well, that’s how I’m going on this trip…”
“You’re cheating on Jack!!!”
“Excuse me? One, Jack and I aren’t an item. Two, no. I received that in the mail a week ago. Some guy name Oren Stlezenor sent me that, informing me that my tuition was paid for and that I should wear that Celtic cross while in his country. And he also sent me a copy of one of my prints for the exhibition. I think he knows Kladsovic somehow. I don’t know. It’s too weird.”
“Why didn’t you say anything? He could be a stalker or something.”
“Oh come on Bella. I get to go.”
“Well, you’re sticking next to me the whole time. Have you told Jack?”
“Not exactly. I left a few details out.”
“Why not? He has a right to know.”
“Based off of what Bella?”
“He’s a guy for one thing and can keep an eye out.”
“We can tell him tomorrow.”
“So…”
“So..what?” I asked knowing what she was going to say.
“Are you going to wear it?”
“NO!! That’s just creepy.”
“Okay, but I’m going to put it in the carry-on anyway. Along with your picture. You know, this set came out really awesome.”
“Thanks Bella.”

I hate taking clothes from the drier. It makes me sweat. I never really got to finish my masters in the fall. I like the new neighborhood though. It’s quiet during the day and people know what prowls in the night. So there are no people at night either. I keep my keys handy just in case, ‘course I really don’t need them. I have a pretty good physique these days.
The trip started off wonderfully. The sites were amazing and Kladsovic was full of information. A private tour guide if you will. We always had an amazing house to stay in, courtesy of Kladsovic’s many connections. It wasn’t until after the first two weeks that the dreams started. At first they were lovly, and then my friends starting getting sick and a new figure appeared. I was always in sight of a wolf. One with a grey mask and snow-white fur. I told Bella about them after the third accurance.
“I think you’re just exhausted. We have all been pushing ourselves.”
“Yeah I guess.”
“Maybe we should stay at the mansion tonight while the others go out.” Jack suggested.
“Okay. I am pretty pooped.”
So that night, when the others went out on the town, Jack and I curled up in front of the fireplace and watched black and white movies in Dutch.
“Now this is romantic.”
“You were always into the arts.” I said as I started to get a little “frisky”.
After some jubilant activity, we settled down for the night in front of the dying fire. And like the past few nights, my dreams returned.

“I will see you soon, Isadora.”
“Who are you?”
“A beast to match your own.”
“What does that mean?”
Then the wolf appears. He seems larger and has come closer to me this time. He bows his head low and takes a step towards me, and then another. I blink and his bright pink tongue licks the palm of my hand. My breath catches as I feel this undescribable heat inside of me. It feels like I am burning from the inside out. And when I try to scream, all of the air escapes me. I am laying on the snow, face up and the moon is a full, round blue disk above me.
“Don’t fight me.”

“Isa, wake up!!”
I opened my eyes to Jack’s sweating face.
“What’s up?” I asked in a sleepy whisper.
“You were screaming at the top of your lungs and you’re burning up.” Jack said as he helped me sit up.
Everyone was standing around me staring.
“Are you all right, Miss Isadora?” Kladsovic asked.
I sat up and felt my head. It was drenched in sweat.
“Yeah, I’m fine. It was just a bad dream.”
The crowd started to dissapate, Jake went to get me a glass of water and a towel; Bella came over to my side.
“I thought you weren’t going to wear that cross.”
“No way.”
“Then what’s up?” she said as she reached for my neck.
My eyes widened. No way! This was like something I had read in my sophomore year in college. This stuff was made up.
“It’s there isn’t it?” I asked not wanting to blink.
“Yes. What gives?”
“Bella,” I whispered,”I didn’t put the necklace on. I’ve been having these dreams…” And I spilt everything to her. When I finished she had a blank stare on her face.
“You’re kidding, right?” She asked.
“No Bella. Something like this... No way. You know I don’t scare easily.”
“Are you going to tell someone?”
“And explain this how exactly?”
“I don’t know, but what if it’s like a premonition?”
“To what Bella? Nothing has really happened.”
“Isa, there are legends and stories around here. We are going to Austria in two more weeks, but before that, we are going to Kladsovic’s ‘home-land’ as he says. If this is linked to that somehow, you might be in danger.”
“Now we both sound like loonies.”

I should have said something. It was a trap. If you want to look at it that way. Bella and Jack survived. Kladsovic disappeared. We are part of a bigger plot now. I couldn’t get the cross off after that night. In a way it was a blessing. Austria was a nightmare. I have seen such blood-baths as I did that night, but now I don’t know the people involved. Bella carries more scars that I do. I was later told that the cross that I wore was the mark of a greater being. Showing a type of ownership. I have yet to meet Oren. Though I know he made me who I am now. Jack is different from Bella and I. That’s probably why he lives in Canada. After that night, he wouldn’t look at me. we will still talk, but in my presence, he cannot look me straight in the eye. Only once did he confide in me that it was a direct order from I higher level, that I was not to be made eye contact with. Kind of takes away from our interactions. We no longer have our weekend romps.
I still have my dreams, though they are a little more intimate with my wolf. I find that the new moon is a nuisance. I still keep to myself, though I am starting to be called away by my other self. I have not fully changed yet, but I know it is only a mater of time. Rumors have started that HE is coming for me. Bella says that she has been told on several occasions that we will be traveling soon. I really do not want to go. I have moved four times since coming back. And it was hard coming back.
The embassy had kept such tight raps on the whole ordeal, that we were brought back to the U.S. under tight security. Not everyone made it back in one piece. Peter stayed in Austria, afraid of what he was going to become. We received word three weeks later that he had been killed. Bella cried for a week. She became severely depressed and began a heavy regime of anti-depressents and anti-psichotics. She’s much better now.
I had to undergo several surgeries, thank goodness I healed quickly. It was in record time, so the docs said. I don’t really know what to expect for the future. Though I know that this will somehow play out. Hopefully I will live through it all, still human in someway.