Love scorned and Lonliness welcomed

Edmund Spencer was the type of man that you would adore and dispise at the same time. He had a certain charismatic aura around him even though he showed his other side more often and that was his devishly sinister ways. He was born into his title after his father, Lord William Spencer. His mother, Lady Isabelle Spencer, died giving birth to Edmund. Being born into wealth, he was taught at the finest schools and did whatever he wanted. But some things do not come without consequiences. For while he was growing up, Edmund was notoriously abused by his drunken father until at last he was old enough to leave home. Being given a small fortune, he managed to triple it by the age of nineteen. After residing at the old family estate, Ravenwood, he shut off any communication to his father for obvious reasons known to both of them.

Edmund always had the thirst for knowledge so when he was twenty, he set off abroad to Italy to study the Rennaisance. While he was there, he fell in love with a poor Italian girl, Elizabeta, who immediately fell in love with him. After a year of living there, they wished to marry. But both sides of the family refused to allow this for social classes did not mix nor the idea of them being too different. Edmund was sent away and in her grief, Elizabeta, killed herself. Hearing of this, Edmund grew cold and hateful, he vowed to himself never to love again.

Living alone in his large estate back home in England, he grew more and more recluse. When he was thirty, a young girl named, Lillian Rose, who was about 16 became curious of Lord Spencer. Over a year, she tried her best to make him know that he was loved and to enjoy life. He found relief in this young girl and soon married her. Lillian loved him with all of her heart and could never suspect anything flawed in his character. He did his best to make her think that he could love her but his heart had been cold too long to let anyone warm it.

It had been several years down the road at the Ravenwood Estate. Edmund jumped over a wooden fence with his new Friesian mare as he headed home. Getting closer to the house, he jumped from his post and a servant took the horse to the stables. Pulling the mail from his coat as he walked into the house, a servant took his hat and gloves. Noticing a particular letter that smelled of expensive perfume, he tucked it back under his coat. Walking through the vast foyer and large collection of fine furniture, he headed towards the veranda behind the house. He took a seat at his usual place at the dining table as servants placed breakfast on the table. "Bills, letters, invitations...," he sighed as he poured a cup of tea. A servant came towards the large french doors to the veranda with Lady Spencer in a wheelchair. She was wearing a lovely pink and purple velvet nightgown and had on a heavy blanket wrapped around her legs. Edmund sighed deeply to himself as he looked upon Lillian. Just over the last year, she had become ill. And everyday she was getting alittle worst. The doctor had told them that it was due to a poor heart. But he knew better, she was dying of a broken heart. And it was all his fault. She knew that no matter how much she tried, she would never have his heart. Not fully. Edmund looked up and smiled softly as he dismissed the servant with a wave of the hand. He stood up and smiled warmly as he took the wheelchair and pushed it to the side of the table next to his seat. "Good morning, dear," he said leaning over and kissing her cheek. She weakly patted his cheek and smiled," Morning, love." Her long red hair hung loosely in a braid over her shoulders. She was extremely beautiful but her being ill for the last couple of months made her lovely pink complexion, a slightly pale white.

"Some tea, darling," he said to her curiously with a raised eyebrow as he saw the look on her face. It was the look of having something on their mind that they wish to say but can't. "Please," she said in a voice as soft as the coo of a dove. Pouring her a cup of tea, he smiled warmly and adjusted her rather large diamond wedding ring on her hand. Looking back at his mail and newspaper, she began to speak. "I was just thinking about when we got married this morning," she said fiddling with her ring. Edmund just nodded and said "Uh-huh", from behind his newspaper, he had a feeling that she was about to say what was on her mind. "What will you do, Edmund, if I should die?," she asked curiously. "Don't be silly, darling," he muttered as he took a sip of tea from behind his newspaper, breathing a sigh of relief that it was nothing more important. "I am serious,Edmund," she said to him staring at him. "I am too," he said looking at her seriously, quickly getting tired of this conversation. Over the last few months, that was all that he worried about. And frankly he was getting sick of the whole thing. He loved her, yes, he did and does, but in his own way. "Edmund, we must talk about the possibility of me dy...," she began to say but was cut off by the look on Edmund's face. It was the look of grief, saddness, and a flicker of anger. "Ohhh, Edmund. I did not mean for you to get upset. I know how hard it is for you to talk about death ever since ...," she began to say to him with her hand on his but stopped herself. She knew how sensitive he was about the subject of Elizabetta. Edmund just shook his head and brushed her hand off with a look on his face as if someone just stabbed him. He stood up abruptly and looked around dazzed in thought for a moment. He licked his lips as he thought for a moment and then looked at his wife. "I have things to do this morning, darling," he said to her and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before going into the house. Before entering the study, he leaned his hand on the door and breathed in sharply. There was that pain again around his heart. It happened everytime he thought of her. His Elizabetta. But he was different now. He was not the same happy and sweet man he was all those years ago. Now, he was cold and constantly brooding for something that he would never have again. It's name was Love. Pure love. He just swallowed hard and the wall around his heart went back up and hardened. He coughed sharply as if he had a moment of ingestion and continued on his way.

Lillian just could not take this, she just couldn't. She bit back her lip to keep the tears from coming. But finally she gave in. She raised her dainty pale hands to her face and began to sob, uncontrollably. Why? Why, was all that her mind kept repeating? Why did he not love her? Why couldn't he try? She knew in her heart that he did love her. But his love only seemed to be that of a friendship. Lillian knew that he was capable of love. It was there, deep down inside him. But why was God doing this to her? To shorten her life? Not to be loved as anyone wanted to be? She knew if she had more time, she could make him love her. But now, she was everyday closer to death. And it frightened her, terribly. She had seen the best doctors, medicine men, and etc. In the aspect of her illness, Edmund cared more now that she was dying. Is this what she meant to him? To be loved near death than in life? She grew angry at this thought. All the wasted years on a wasted heart.

She wiped the tears off of her face sadly and rang the small gold bell that was placed on the table for her use. Shortly, a servant came to her side and with a soft smile asked,"Yes, Lady Spencer, may I be of service?" She nodded slowly to him," Yes, I wish to go back to my room. I am very tired." The servant nodded understandingly and pushed her wheel chair back into the house. As she was rolled into the hall, she saw the large elevator that Edmund had built for her. Soon, they were in the elevator and she was being pushed to her room.

Soon, they reached her room and she was helped onto the bed. A female servant came into the room to assist Lillian. Picking out Lillian's favorite nightgown which was velvet and the shade of a dark green. She soon had Lillian tucked into her bed warmly. Lillian absentmindly touched the pillow next to her. In the last few years, she had slept alone. They both had seperate rooms for as long as she could remember. The only time they slept together was when Edmund wanted to be loved by her. And never then, because shortly after he would leave to go back to his room. She did not mind. Lillian rathered to have part of him than nothing at all. But it had been two years since they last made love and she missed him. Not so much as being loved but more of him. His scent afterwards smelled of expensive cologne, tobacco, and sweat. She also missed the feel of his skin. It was smooth as satin, the color of fresh milk, and the warmth of his touch. She began to sob again as she thought of all of this. Her hand covered her mouth as she fought back the tears. Her servant looked at her concernedly," Lady, are you alright? Wish me to get you anything?" Lillian shook her head as she choked back her sobs. "No, I'll be fine. I just wished to rest. That's all," she said in a soft but sad voice. The servant nodded and curtseyed and headed towards the door. But she was called after. "Yes, Lady," she asked curiously. Lillian forced a smile," Thank you." "Tis my duty, Lady," she replied. Lillian nodded and then sighed deeply then she thought of something," Would you fetch me, my bottle of Ladnuim? I need something to help me rest." The servant nodded and went over to the bureau and retrieved the bottle for her. She handed it to and was dismissed. Lillian laid in bed and gazed silently at the bottle of dark liquid. "My dearest Edmund, if I shall not be yours in life, I will be in death," she sadi softly as she wiped a tear from her eye. She uncorked the bottle and pressed it against her lips.

Edmund had spent the whole day wandering around the cobblestone streets of London. Whenever he needed a break from life, home, or work, he would wander as his mind did. The best thing that Edmund knew to do was to hide his pain and pretned that nothing was wrong. He did this very well especially with those who knew him. As he walked, he remembered the invitation to an opening at a gallery tonight. He stopped and took the invitation out of his pocket and read it over. Gently tapping it with his fingers, he decided he should go. It would get his mind off of things. He then noticed that he had stopped right in front of a fine tailor shop. It seemed as if it was a sign that he should go. Going inside, he met the tailor which he knew extremely well. Edmund was fitted for a new suit and paid the man well. He walked out in his new suit due to him finding out that it was actually close to the time that the opening began. Many who walked by admired him as they went by. For he was a man still desired by many women and envied by many men as well. He was tall, very handsome with his long raven hair, pale blue eyes, fair complexion. He was also a Lord and came with many titles and an exceedingly large amount of wealth.

Edmund waved his hand and soon a cabby saw him and stopped. Soon, he was in the cab and was being taken to the gallery opening.

-To Be continued...