Jack and Jill

JACK AND JILL

Jack and Jill had been neighbors and best friends since they were three. Jack was born into a suburb of Possum Hill, Kentucky; an affluent neighborhood among a plethora of poverty.

Most of the people in the neighborhood were from wealthy construction families. Jack belonged to the Horner family, who ran a carpet empire that had branched out to general flooring and custom tile installation.

Since the Horner’s were very private people, they often married, unintentionally that is, distant members of their own family. As a result of this, Jack’s father, Jack Horner Senior, had married his third cousin, Goldie Locks. She became Goldie Horner and had six children. Their oldest child, Goldie Jean, had died at the age of four with a heart problem. Their second child, Tommy Tucker, had a wonderful singing voice, but was afflicted with epilepsy. The third child of the Horner’s was Bo peep. She was a pretty girl, but had Narcolepsy, and always fell asleep while doing her chores. Jack was the fourth child, and the only problem he seemed to have was a sixth toe on his left foot. The other two Horner children were Simon, who was very simple, and Bobby Shafto, a fat, fair child who loved to wear silver buckles on his knees.

Jill was a member of the Johnson family. The Johnson’s had peppered many a hillside in Kentucky with their descendants. It is said that the family originated from a German immigrant, Hans Johansson, and his bride, a Cherokee maiden named Cardinal Song. In the tradition of most Kentucky culture, they changed their names. Hans became Henry Johnson, and Cardinal Song became Carrie Sue Johnson.

Jill moved into the Possum Hills subdivision in late 1981. Her father was Hansel Johnson, and her mother, Gretel was from the VanLandingham family in south eastern Paducah. Jill was an adorable little girl with golden curls and eyes so brown they appeared black. Jack was a sturdy boy with pale blue eyes and a cleft in his chin. The children soon became good friends, and as they grew into young adulthood, their friendship blossomed into love.

Now Jack Horner, Senior, was never fond of the Johnson family. He particularly hated his son dating someone outside the dichotomy of his family. It pained him so to think Cherokee and German blood might be spilled into the pure gene pool that was the Horner dynasty. Seeing his only “normal” son holding the hand of that… that…hussy made his blood boil with a fury he had never known. He had always figured that when Jack came of age, he would marry his third cousin Red Ridinghood Horner. So she had a thing for wolves, was that so bad? At least the family blood line wouldn’t be tainted with that…that filth.

One fine spring day, Jack Sr. hatched a plan. He would get rid of Jill, make it look like an accident, then force Jack Jr. to marry the girl of Sr.’s choosing.

Jack and Jill were now seventeen. He had grown into a most handsome young man, indeed. All the girls at the Possum Hills Academy for Appalachian Richkids adored him, and were jealous of Jill. Jill’s hair had darkened over the years to chestnut red, but she had kept those wonderful curls. She was quite the popular girl herself, or so she thought. Most of the girls she cliqued with were only pretending to be her friend. What they really wanted was an opportunity to get closer to Jack.

In late July, Jack Sr.’s evil plan came to fruition. Late summer in Possum Hills was often a time of drought. The rains usually waited until early September to replenish the earth. Often, wells in the suburb would dry up, as was the case this particular summer. So Jack Sr. Sent Jack Jr. to the top of Possum Hill to fetch a pail of water. Goldie had planned on having Soup Beans, and water was necessary to boil them into submission.

Jack Sr. knew Jack Jr. would take Jill with him to fetch that pail of water, so he rigged a strong electric charge to the well. He knew that only women did the demeaning chores of water fetching, and assumed that Jill would meet her demise when Jack Jr. ordered her to fetch the water for him.

Unfortunately for Jack Sr., Jack Jr. was much in love with Jill, and did all he could to help her and make her happy. When the two reached the top of Possum Hill, they embraced and kissed each other enthusiastically. Then Jack got down on his knees. He pulled a small square box out of his jacket pocket and opened it. To the surprise and delight of Jill, it was a ring. A beautiful plum colored stone surrounded with fourteen diamonds, one for each year they had known each other.

“Will you marry me?” Jack asked

“Of course I will!” said Jill, her voice shaking with emotion.

Jack placed the ring on her left hand, and he stood to embrace her again.

Getting up so fast made Jack a little dizzy and he grabbed onto the side of the well for support. A strong current of electricity coursed through his body, and he was glued to the well by the strong voltage, his body shaking grotesquely. Jill screamed and grabbed him around the waist, intending to pull him free. Unfortunately, the current blasted through her body too, instantly stopping her heart. Jack fell backwards and tumbled down the hill, hitting his head on a boulder. Jill came tumbling after, her lifeless body descending awkwardly like a limp rag doll.

Half an hour later, Jack Sr. was becoming concerned that his precious boy had not returned from his endeavor. Surely his son would be delighted that half-breed girl was out of his life.

He found the two at the bottom of Possum Hill. It was obvious Jill was dead, and it made the old man’s heart leap with happiness. His son was another matter. He had hit his head on a rock and was bleeding badly. Jack Sr. gathered up his unconscious son, but not until he kicked and spat on Jill’s body.

He took Jack home, and before the young man revived, he made a plaster of vinegar and brown paper to bandage the wound on Jack’s head.

When Jack Jr. woke up, he was surrounded by his brothers and sisters, all of them grinning stupidly. His dad was by his side and so was his harried looking mother.

“Jill, where is Jill, what happened?” Jack stammered as he sat upright in the bed. He slumped into the pillow, his head swimming.

“She’s daid, she’s daid, tee hee she’s daid!” His simple brother Simon chanted. All of the family laughed heartily at this little joke.

Everyone except Jack. “What do you mean, she’s dead?” he screamed at his father.

Barely concealing his glee, Jack Sr. tried to sound like he cared. “She was electrocuted at the well and fell down the hill. They say her heart stopped instantly!” Jack Sr.’s voice rose on the last word, putting emphasis on the word instantly.

Jack Jr. was devastated. He began to cry, and didn’t stop crying for almost a month. Jack Sr. was confused that his son wasn’t delighted at the news about his aberrant girlfriend, but that that didn’t matter to a man like him. Just as soon as Jack Jr. stopped crying… why was the fool boy crying so much? … he would start planning the wedding. Red Ridinghood would make SUCH a better wife than that Jill girl. Surely she would.

Jack Sr. was soon to be a very unhappy man. His only suitable heir to the Horner dynasty finally stopped crying, but had gone mad. He sat in the corner day after day, rocking back and forth. Occasionally, his brother Simon would meet the pieman going to the fair, and bring a plum pie home. Jack wouldn’t eat the pie, he would just stick his thumb inside and pull out the fruit. Sometimes he would wipe it on the wall, sometimes he would utter nonsense phrases that only had meaning to his tortured mind.

Thus ended the Horner dynasty. Tragic, yes, but the world of make believe is a MUCH better place for it!