First look

I had had no sleep for 3 days, I had been in AGONY for 3 days. Everybody was telling me that nothing was happening as I was being too calm. But I knew something was happening, I was having my baby!

I called my brother, told him to get the car round pronto. The cheeky fucker had put a plastic bag on the seat. My mum and sis were in the back and off we went. Got to the hospital and 'checked in' I was all wired up to the monitors, which said...nothing was happening. They told me to stay in though, try to get some sleep. They sent my family home and told them they'd call if anything happened. My head hit the pillow and within seconds I was sat up again, bed soaked, my waters had broken BIG style. 'Go to the toilet' the nurse said, so off I went. I had never had a baby before so to me, the mid-wives knew the right thing to do! Strange things were happening in the toilet so I pulled the emergency cord.

Now before I got into the hospital I promised myself that I wouldn't swear whilst giving birth, then the mid-wife came in and asked me what was happening. 'I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, I'VE NEVER HAD A FUCKING BABY BEFORE!!' was the reply. She had a look and could see the baby's head. I was manhandled into a wheelchair and taken upstairs to the labour ward. There I was having a baby, just me and the mid-wife. I was so tired, I just wanted to sleep, didn't even have enough energy to scream and shout at the pain. It felt like I was pushing for days, but a couple of hours later, there she was! This tiny, tiny thing. Small and wrinkled. I held her for about 5 minutes before they took her off me. She was 4lb 10oz and 42cm long. They cleaned her up and took her to the Special Care ward. I had a bath and was taken back to the ward to have a sleep.

But even after 3 sleepless days an hour was all I could do, I wanted my baby. So I got dressed, tentatively walked up to special care and they showed me my girl. She was in an incubator, could I hold her? The nurse told me to sit down and she got her out for me. The second I held her my eyes and nose streamed. The nurse was sat there wiping my nose for me, telling me how amazing I was for going through such a stressful time and having back labour with no painkillers. I just kept thinking, 'no, no, no, this is amazing, this tiny little person in my arms' I sat there for hours just holding her and looking at her tiny little face, so content. My baby.