The Brazen Effigy on Locksley Knoll

The Brazen Effigy on Locksley Knoll

My fellow townsfolk, there is a brazen effigy on Locksley Knoll,
The kind that will austerely steal your immortal soul.
Oh! What shall we do with this brazen idol
Glinting in the sun? I know!
Let’s mass-produce, two thousand to a ton!

The companies,
With their shiny teeth,
Bought out all of the shares and trademarks and registrars,
And made the statue a good ol’ cosmological stellar.

My fellow townsfolk! Good news for all!
We’re selling false gods in the local mall!
Call the number below! It’s toll-free!
281-666-C-A-L-L ME!

Well, the brazen effigy,
It populates the closets and the beds,
Sunlight just keeps a-beamin’ from it’s head,
Anyone who looks at is struck dead
With a green envy.

The local Scorching Thesis,
It no longer sells t-shirts of monkeys bearing pieces,
But instead images of this golden fall,
It is now the all in all.

The original still sits atop Locksley Knoll,
It’s already got your infinite soul,
So impressionable and so young,
The people without the cash are well hung,
On a tall yew tree outside of town,
Faces no longer green but now rather brown.

Anything you want made of shale,
Buy it now, it’s on sale,
Gotta make room for that new thing,
The idol that can now dance and sing.
And sing it does, all day long and all night through,
While you get sick and shout “Woohoo!”

One day, the idol went out of business,
Caught lip-syncing songs
In a little slough right outside town.
The sharks and snakes brought the effigy down,
Guess it should have known not really singing
Was a way of really stinking.

What’s that though, down in the bog?
It appears to be a…frisky frog?
Townspeople! Good news for all!
Come buy this new, improved thing with much gall!
We should make it king!
It can sure swing!
I can smell cash! And cash means I can get more bling!