Say it Now

For many years I was taking care of my mother who was in declining health. The doctors really had no clue as to what was wrong with her and at one time she yelled at them to quit using her as a “guinea pig.” There had been several instances where I was led to tell her how much I loved her.

I did as much as I could for her during those years even though it seemed to take a toll on me and on my marriage. It’s amazing how “tough times” will either strengthen or destroy a relationship. I had divorced my husband Charlie that year and knew that I need to move a little further away. I knew that living in South Miami would be more difficult for my mom to pick up the phone and call me for every little minute thing. This I believed was a good thing so that she would not be so dependant on me and rely more on herself. She would call me to go pick up a pack of cigarettes for her. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Now, looking back on it, I know it was because she was lonely and wanted to see me. I also know now, that the moving had more to do with ‘me” than it did her. I was being prepared for her transition.

One day I got a call from the hospital that an embolism caused her to pass out while she was in line for a check up. They admitted her into the hospital where she stayed for several days.

I knew that this was what was going to kill her. I just knew it. I tried to get the hospital to keep her there longer but they had refused and sent her home. I knew I could not continue to give her the care she needed. I began to look into the possibility of a nursing home even though it broke my heart. I did not want to do this and all I could think to do, was to pray. That evening, I mourned her death with a friend and a bottle of wine while sitting on the bank of the Intercoastal Highway. My heart knew what my brain refused to believe. The same thing that caused her to pass out two weeks earlier would soon prove fatal.

I was supposed to go over to her house that morning, and something told me no, sit down and work on your ceramics. When I had gotten the phone call from the hospital a few hours later, I found my self rushing to the hospital. While driving on the freeway, frantically, a great calm suddenly came over me and I knew that there was no need to rush. The doctor had me cloistered in a private room. That alone told me what was to come. As he spoke to me, I could feel myself sitting on my shoulder looking down on the conversation. He was very professional, and I was numb. I was polite, I knew they had done all they could do. All I could do now was to make the calls, start the preparations, and do those few things that mamma told me to do first should anything happen to her. That was December 13th, 1976. It’s amazing to me how my angels seem to guide me around that day. I always remember the day before, and the day after, but on the 13th….I seem to be protected from despair. Perhaps this year I will bring her some flowers where I laid her to rest. Just to pay homage and to say “Thank You for loving me, the best way that you could”

The whole point of this talk is this:
Do it now, say it now, and go there now.
Don’t wait until it’s too late to do anything about it.
Don’t wait until tomorrow, or next week or next month….
Don’t put off till tomorrow what is important to be done today!
You won’t get another chance.
LISTEN TO THAT VOICE INSIDE OF YOU!!!
Please, do NOT shut it out.
DO NOT GIVE IT EXCUSES.

WE, of ALL people should know this! But what do we do???

Think about it. What would you do if tomorrow, someone you loved was not around anymore?
If you say those things you need to say now, if you do those things you need to do now, you will have no regret, and you will have no guilt. You will still have pain, but not as much as you would have had.
You MUST say and so these things NOW.
Tomorrow will be too late.

Namaste