Nine Months

These are the feelings of a friend who lost her baby.

For nine months, I kept you hidden in my womb, to bring you into this beautiful but cruel world. I placed all my dreams and hopes in you. Gave you life, so that my life could have a meaning. I smiled through hours of unbearable pain just to see you, hold you and play with you. When you came in to my arms, my life seemed complete. I had nothing to ask from God. He gave me paradise. I took you in my arms for the first time. You were so fragile, so beautiful that I fell in love with you. I was oblivious of people around me who had come to see you. I just couldn’t take my eyes off you. When you yawned I would bring my nose closer to your mouth and smell your sweet breath, when you cried I could feel my heartbeat quickening. Everything about you seemed magical. I spent sleepless nights comforting and feeding you. When you cried and I didn’t understand why, I would cry with you. My whole world seemed to revolve around you. Months passed and I saw you roll, sit and crawl for the first time. Everything you did was like a thrilling moment for me. You were like a breath of fresh air in my lungs. Everything about you was so heavenly. It felt wonderful being a mother.

But, nine months in my womb and nine months in my arms, was all you could give me. I don’t know why God took away my heaven and gave me hell. I lost you. I can’t believe it. Though, I know you have gone far, very far from me, I just cannot accept it. My world, my dreams and my hopes have shattered. I’m alive but I seem dead. I need you my baby; I need to feel you, to hold you, to smell your breath, to comfort you when you cry. Please cry my love; please let me hear you cry for me once. I can’t bear this stillness. You have so much of the world to see through your small eyes. Wake up; please wake up, my baby. I want to hold you and see you smile. At least, let me hear you giggle in your sleep. I’ve got you such beautiful clothes, this T-shirt in particular, which says “100% Cute”, is made especially for you. Please, don’t put my delicate, beautiful baby in that dark, cold grave. Oh! Please, don’t take him away from me. I cannot stand this ceaseless pain. I smiled through labor pains but not through this pain. God, please give me back my angel, my baby. Not just for nine months but forever.