Faceless Angel

I looked over the park where couples were walking and talking. I couldn’t believe they had no idea of the sorrows that lay ahead. I just couldn’t believe they could look at each other and still see nothing but love. How could people have such love for each other, even after they’d been badly hurt? How could someone be there and not see the pain they are in for? I have seen that sorrow and pain, but I have also felt that love and yearning for that one special person. I have seen the best and the worst of that one special person, but, unfortunately, I have also lost that one special person.

My boyfriend died a few months ago from a brain tumor. I was with him until the end, and I am very happy for that, but I still miss him dearly. What happens when your soul leaves your body? What happens when you lose that special person? When my boyfriend told me of that tumor, I refused to believe it and I thought that the doctor had to have mixed up the report with someone else’s. The doctor said there was no mistake, and they gave him 6 months to live. My boyfriend said he would understand if I wanted to leave him, but I would have none of that. I was going to be with him through this, no matter what. I was ready for pain, but I wasn’t ready for what came next.

What came next were the worst things I had ever seen. He started to have sudden headaches, and then the seizures came. He couldn’t keep his food down, and his face became gaunt and worn. Eventually, he lost his sight and couldn’t hear properly. I was at a loss, I didn’t know what to do, but I wouldn’t let him die alone. Those last few weeks were the hardest, and when he did die, I was with him. Our last words are the only thing I can think about now.

I awoke late that night and I went to check on him. I opened his door and he was sitting in his wheelchair by the window. He told me to come in and to come see the light that was outside. When I went to the window there was no light, but I didn’t tell him that. He said that he was glad that I was with him through all this, and I still stayed silent, wondering where this conversation was going, even though I already knew deep down in my heart and soul. He told me that even though he couldn’t see me, he wanted me to know that I was his faceless angel, and that I was sent to help him through his hardship that was soon coming to an end.

I didn’t know how to respond, and I didn’t know how to express what
I was feeling. In a low whisper, he said that as life goes on, it gets harder and harder. He also said that the most difficult thing in the world was to live in it. In an equally low voice, I told him that he would always be the only thing in my life that would ever make sense. He told me that it was time to go, and I bent down and placed a tender but passionate kiss on his cheek. As I watched him slip away, I swear I could see the light from heaven beaming down on him.

My story is a sad tale, but maybe there is someone out there who will love me as much as I love them. Maybe life isn’t so bad, maybe I can see something good, and maybe I will live to see love again. Life is full of maybes, and nothing is ever certain, but we have to make the best of it, I suppose. Life pushes us to the edge, but unless we take that one leap of faith, we may never see what is really in store for us.