Satirical observation of the NCILB act, by someone it directly affects. |
No Child is Left Behind George W. Bush has done many, many, things to help this great country of ours. He has improved America in several ways with the noble war in Iraq. He has driven down the previously sky-rocketing gas prices. He has led a brave fight to help save our environment. However, these miraculous achievements pale in comparison to what he has done to help our education system. His “No Child Left Behind” act has helped children all across the nation reach their potential in ways we have never dreamed of. One of the many assets of the NCLB act of 2002 is that it measures a school's ability to educate their students. Every school who needs federal funding must impose a test on their students every year. That school is then held accountable for the percentage of students who pass the test. Every school must then make an adequate yearly progress (AYP), on the percentage of students who pass the test. After twelve years, 100% of students should be passing the standardized tests every year. This act includes special education students, who are completely unable to even read the test, much less pass it. This act also includes students who are learning English as a second language, and cannot understand the words used on the test. Obviously the goals in the "no child left behind" act are completely reasonable, and should most definitely be accomplished in the twelve year time frame. This distinguished piece of legislation also insures that American school systems are constantly improving. If a school with an 85% passing rate on the standardized tests (high above average) remains with the same rate for the next year, it could be put on an an academic watch list, because it still has 15% of students who might be "left behind." However, if a school with a 45% pass rate on the tests increases to a 50% the next year, they are not in danger of being put on the list, because they are making adequate yearly progress. This impressive system most definitely insures that no children will be left behind. One final thing that the NCLB act does for our great nation is that it assures that some students won't pass other students in the learning process. Our President's brilliant plan is to delay the gifted, "exceeds" students, (future doctors, lawyers, and politicians) until the "at risk" students can catch up. This gives our future "life savers" and leaders of the nation a chance to relax, and not worry. Since every school has to "teach the test" so they aren't put on a watch list, the gifted students can be assured that they will not have to face new and challenging material for years to come. Once the "at risk" students catch up (which of course they will, since everyone is made the same) our students will be able to study difficult material and every person in the country will have an IQ of 145. There will be no unfortunate people who have to work at fast food restaurants and be janitors if everyone is a genius. Once people understand just how wonderful the "No Child Left Behind" act is, we won't have to endure skeptics who oppose brilliant schemes that our government devises. George W. Bush has more great ideas that some radicals have opposed for years, such as the profitable war in Iraq. I challenge the nation to invent better solutions to our problems than our wonderful President has already come up with. I am sure that our government will pay attention to them. |