Not I

No peace
No time
To take a breath and sigh
Look at the way we live
Is this what you had in mind?
Not I, Not I.
Screaming blaming,
Cussing, seething
Snarling like a rabid dog
Like walking through a heavy fog.

I was deeply disillusioned
By the ones who came before
By the way they had treated me
I believed that there was more.
Courteous and kind
Thoughtful and nice.
I never second-guessed that I was undeserving of That guise.
And who would have thought I would marry a man
Who disliked me so well?
Not I, Not I.

I took for granted all the times
They told me I was beautiful and then they would Sigh
They would walk beside me, run to open a door
Send me flowers, buy me gifts,
And whats more....
Some truly took the time to get to know me
And know the person I am inside
And they really liked me,
Some even loved me,
Yes I, Yes I.

And here I sit,
Alone and lonely
To think I thought the loneliness would end with My "one and only"
Not increase my feelings of grief.
Rewind the time
In my mind
To a happier place
To a happier time.....
But that has no purpose in the here and now
Only to soothe, not to allow
My heart, my mind, my soul
To return
To the place I have been
Admiration I had earned.
Being myself was never dissuaded,
Being someone else was never persuaded.
And here I sit
Not good enough for
One who I promised to honor,cherish and love
Til the end of our days
Til the end of my life
Yes, I
Yes, I