The Girl and Her Love Pt.1

I feel so empty

Evelyn stared at the perfectly cream colored ceiling high above her head. How badly she hated that color. Every day started and ended with that horrifying color. And you know it wasn’t just a color; it was a statement. ‘A plane white wall… Please!’ she heard her mother say, whoever heard of such a thing?’
For Evelyn getting out of bed was the hardest part of the day. Why does anyone even bother? When one thinks of that beautiful moment of complete inner peace before drifting of to sleep, why would one consider waking up ever again? She knew what she would prefer. She tried to explain this to her sister Joanne once, who just looked at her in complete amazement. Then again, what did she expect from her sister? Joanne had just announced her engagement to a handsome young man called George, the love of her life, the one her parents had chosen. Joanne was moving out of the manor and she was to receive the crib, the beautiful crib, the one painted in that soft pure and innocent color, white.
She was living her life exactly as she was meant to, she was about to marry a decent young man with good job prospects, she was getting ready to become a mother and most importantly she was ready to devote her life to her children’s upbringing. She had always been considered responsible enough for such a life-consuming task. With Evelyn it was a completely different story, all hope of her having enough responsibility to lead a life like Joanne’s was a laughable matter at any family gathering. She had never lived up to her parents’ expectations of a daughter, but then of course she couldn’t disagree with her parents’ visions more. Women of that day and age were out getting jobs, working alongside men, who weren’t in anyway superior to them. Was she the only one who saw these things so clearly? It did seem that way, for when she tried having yet another conversation with Joanne, again there was that complete amazement in her sisters’ eyes.
Evelyn had never quite understood why her family looked down on her as much as they did. On this day though, with the horrible cream color lingering over her head, she knew exactly what it was that she had done. As her eyes drifted away from the ceiling, she had a vision of his face… It was unfair, she wasn’t responsible for his existence, or hers for that matter.

It’s like opening yourself up and silently watching the life drip right out


She threw her feet over the side of the bed and felt a chill run up her legs as she put them on the icy floor. Moments like these are the opposite of those dream filled moments before drifting of to that place where nothing matters. She walked over to the mirror and as she looked at her reflection she wondered what she would do with the day right in front of her. She was glad that it was a Saturday, which meant no class. Still, the relief of this was nothing compared to the horrific knowledge that she’d have to find something to do herself. Though she loathed being at college it was better than weekends.
On days like Saturday it all came back to her, on days like Saturday she was left alone with her mind. She always thought she would have a future in psychology; with a mind like hers there’d be so many things to discover. This was of course before her family laughed at the idea and she started questioning herself. But in the end this only contributed to her simply knowing she’d have a swell job studying the human brain someday.
The mirror in front of her showed a young woman so fragile; a small nudge would simply make her fall apart. She held her dark hair back with two hands, which produced a clearer image of her face. She looked straight into her own dark eyes, but had to stop herself from staring into a void for the rest of the morning. She gathered together some clothes and put them on; it was pretty cold and rainy outside on this dreadful November day. No, she couldn’t blame it on the autumn; she knew who was to blame…

As the day passed as slow and painful as every other, Evelyn sat in the greenhouse alone watching the raindrops blur the view from the windows into the gardens. When it wasn’t raining she’d often wander into the gardens, whatever season, there was magic to be found in every corner. She met Daniel in the gardens.
This was a very long time ago and she couldn’t even remember the day or moment. Daniel had told her he’d never forgotten her interesting face. Though this might not seem like a polite thing for a young man to say to a young lady, when Daniel spoke to Evelyn it was never without utter admiration. He had told her that on the day of their first encounter it was a warm summer’s day and he had been playing outside. All his life he had lived in the nearby village of Amberby together with his parents and had never been allowed to wander off to far from his family’s cottage, but on that particular day curiosity had lead him outside his home village. He had passed the Whitby manor while pretending to be on a secret and perilous expedition. Without having paid any attention to where his feet had taken him, a large gate had doomed up in front of him.

He had always heard such interesting stories about the manor and a rush of excitement had come over him. He hesitated for a moment before taking a peek behind the gate. But before he could realize what was happening inside his mind, he was drawn into the magnificent gardens like any other in the same position, and no one could blame the innocent youngster, for the smells and colors were not to be ignored. As he wandered through the gardens he saw a young girl lying in between the flowers with her hands held up high in front of her eyes. He didn’t want to get caught on private property and wanted to turn around quickly, but it was too late. The girl had seen a shadow in the corner of her eye and sat up. For a brief moment the two children looked each other straight in the eyes. Daniel was taken a back by the deep dark eyes and the sorrowful face before him, but before a word was spoken he ran away. Since that day he’d never forgotten the girl and her interesting face; while Evelyn only remembered trying to capture the sun in between her small hands. Daniel had told her all this on their second encounter…

This second encounter took place on the day Evelyn’s parents had been together for 25 years, which according to them, was a reason for a grand party. Of course everyone who lived in the area around the Whitby manor had to see how happy her parents were together and for her mother it was simply another perfect occasion to prance around like the greatest role model of women everywhere. In other words… a complete façade. The village of Amberby was close to the manor and all its inhabitants had been invited, including Daniel Graham’s family.
Evelyn’s parents weren’t bothered by the fact that they had never met most of their guests, and even though that’s not something they would’ve admitted, Evelyn knew that’s exactly how it was. Her mother’s craving for attention might very well have been the thing that makes this story so fatal.
On the night of the party the road to the manor had been lit up all the way from the village to the Whitby’s front door and as was usual at her parent’s grand parties, Joanne and Evelyn were dressed up like porcelain dolls waiting to greet the guests most politely. They were part of their mother’s grand act, something Joanne never seemed to have had a problem with, especially now that she had George, the handsome clean-cut young man beside her side. Poor George, poor innocent George, nothing of what happened was ever his fault. It’s being in the wrong place at the wrong time that can create the most undesired lives for some.

Daniel’s parents weren’t rich; they weren’t like Evelyn’s family and there was a lot of hesitation before they decided to come to the party. David and Simone Graham were sweet people afraid to not fit in with the crowd, they did not consider themselves fancy enough, but did not want to be as rude as to ignore the invitation.
As Daniel walked alongside them he couldn’t think of anything else but the first time that he had set foot on the manor’s grounds. He remembered the smells, the colors, the magic and the girl. The face of this girl had remained most clearly in his mind for the past 10 years and as they got closer he could hear his heart pounding.
When they approached the main gate of the grounds surrounding the manor his father gave him a nudge and told him to walk up straight. He could tell his father was nervous and felt sympathy for his parents, he wondered if they wanted to turn around. Like them he had not planned on attending the party at first, but ever since the invitation had landed on their doormat, he could see the girls face clearer than ever. He didn’t know why she fascinated him so much or if she even lived there or had just been a visitor herself. But he knew one thing, he was there for one reason only; he wanted to see if she was there, he wanted to see if she wasn’t a segment of his imagination, just like the rest of the garden had seemed to be.
It wasn’t until he walked inside the beautifully decorated hallway that he saw her…

A line had formed in the hallway; people were cueing up to congratulate the perfect couple and their precious daughters, on a night like this Evelyn was just as dear to her parents as Joanne was.
She was standing next to George who was the perfect son in law and received many good wishes for his future life with the beautiful Miss Joanne. Though Evelyn had thought of screaming her lungs out and going for the champagne, she knew she wouldn’t have a place to sleep that night if she did. Every hand she shook was the same, every best wish she received was yet another not actually meant for her. After all, what was it that people were congratulating her for?
At one point an old man started a conversation with George about his business, which caused a slight hold up in the cue. This was the perfect opportunity for Evelyn to quietly slip away and find a place to be alone for a while. She hated being someone she wasn’t, she couldn’t take all the people looking at her, talking to her, she needed to be alone so she could find herself back.
She snuck into the library…